In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Simona · ‎11-08-2016

Oh yes I have tried Sustagen before. I used to drink the chocolate flavour.

Guest_5218 · ‎11-08-2016

Thankyou Simona for your lovely words. Thats ever so sweet of you. I feel very privileged to know you too. Although I feel I only know a very small part of you ... you are a very complex character I think. But nonetheless a very lovable and special one.

Did you like my new profile picture? Its a red tailed black cockatoo, a huge bird. I have put up a series of birds especially for Blue because she wasnt well, and she loves her birds. So it was a sort of get well gift to Blue. I know she appreciated them.

You sound very happy and positive today Simona. Its lovely to check in here and finally see you happy again. I really hope this continues for you. No paranoia - great news! I'm glad to read that you got out into the warm sunshine and enjoyed a walk around the streets and greeted some familiar faces. I'll bet they would have been happy to see you feeling so much better too. I'm sure your hubby must be feeling very relieved right now as well as happy for you. As am I.

I also like sustagen .. ha ha, yes the chocolate one for me too. But I havent had it for a few years now. Are you going to get some? It should help with getting some good nourishment into you, and at the same time give you something enjoyable to drink.

Big hug to you Simona and a paw shake from little Holly.

Love from Sherie xx

Starwolf · ‎12-08-2016

Hats off to you for staying strong ! I know how big a victory this is for you. I always thought that people who are working hard at managing mental issues are heroes. They also end up knowing themselves better than those who don't have to dig deep into the darkest recesses of the mind.

Sustagen (medicinal strength is also available at most chemists') seems to have helped quite a few people struggling with anorexia. Many find drinking easier than eating. Your stomach probably lost the knack of digesting food but with persistence and gradual progress, I'm sure it will soon return.

So good to know you had a terrific day in the sunshine. Those are the kind of posts that make my day...so thank you for sharing your happy moments with us.

Timid signs of Spring are all over the bush. Nights and mornings are still very cold and frosty in the mountains, but I know it won't be long before I can type again without numb fingers ceasing up. Instead of scavenging every indoor surface for traces of food, the little fly catcher visitors (invaders ?) are picking up dog hair to line up heir nest. Makes me feel guilty about vacuuming so I leave a clump or two outside the back door...

Wishing you another great day.

Simona · ‎12-08-2016

Hello Star. I would give you a smile but I have been most unwell last night with frightening hallucinations. I was drenched in sweat then I had a very vivid nightmare in which I hurt someone dear to me. Partner called triage at 6am and I expect to be in the safety of the mhu again some stage today.

Guest_5218 · ‎12-08-2016

Oh no ......... I am so sorry to hear that Simona. Especially after you seemed so happy and positive yesterday.

My heart and thoughts are with you. If you are in the mhu now, then I hope some of the friendly people you've met in there before are in there with you again.

A gentle smile and a big hug to you Simona.

Sherie xx

Starwolf · ‎13-08-2016

Bugger ! Fingers crossed it will be another short stay and your medical team will come up with something to keep hallucinations and nightmares at bay. It must have been terrifying.Talk about a roller coaster ride...on top of your world one day and down in the dumps the next.

Simona, there's not much I can do or say except that my thoughts and best wishes are with you. At least, knowing you are safe and taken care of is reassuring.

Simona · ‎15-08-2016

Thank you for aĺl your caring. I'm doing very weĺl. They have increased my antipsychotic and added an extra on top. I miss my family do much i was in tears. Psychosis is like being stuck in this small dark ròom with a crazy hazy/distorted window looking out.

Guest_5218 · ‎16-08-2016

Hi Simona. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you right now and hoping you are okay.

Hopefully the psychosis eases soon, and the window that is now hazy and distorted to you, becomes clear again. Thus allowing you to see a sunny and happy future again.

I simply cannot imagine the emotional pain you are currently going through. Missing your family must be really hard for you, but equally so for them. I feel for you Simona, and I care ... a lot. I hate knowing that you are suffering.

Please take care, your health needs to be your top priority right now. Here's hoping they can get things right this time, and that you will soon be back with your loving family.

Love and a comforting hug to you.

Sherie xx

Starwolf · ‎17-08-2016

Knowing you are doing well is a relief. I understand how difficult it is to be away from your loved ones. Hopefully, you will soon return to them and get on with your life minus the ugly distortion.

Thank you for letting us know how you go...we wish so much that things will improve and that improvement will be long term. This up and down ride is not for the faint-hearted. Just as well you are brave and resilient...

Simona · ‎17-08-2016

My dear dear friends : ) so much has happened. I'm home again and feeling better. I cried in the shower and called partner in because I still don't like being alone at night. I told him of how bad it was, how I had to leave the common room because I was convinced the people on the movie playing were giving me a most dire warning that I am being WARNED of impending evil and treachery . I cry because each time I'm released home I feel displaced and out of sorts. And I cry because my son (17) packed up and left to stay with mum and I'm scared he won't be back. He left while I was in the mhu so I didn't even get to see him So I'm on medication for schizophrenics and the dosage has been doubled. I have to take it indefinitely. Everyone has been really kind and great I just wish I had a normal brain because this is so scary for me