In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Simona · ‎11-08-2017

I had my depot. I had my depot then rewarded myself with a dirty chai and a bomber jacket which i have been smitten with. On the 22nd I will see my psychiatrist and I will ask her if we could please reduce my antipsychotic. I'm trying really hard to conduct myself in a civilized manner because my anxiety is bad. I went for a walk today and had a good think. I figured this is the best step at this stage rather than demanding to be pulled off it all together. I will have my medication halved hopefully and I will see how I feel after that.

Starwolf · ‎12-08-2017

Kudos for letting calm and reason prevail. I hope the dirty chai and bomber jacket made it more acceptable. Bomber jackets rock. I do have a couple myself. Wearing them feels good.

Enjoy.

Guest_9809 · ‎21-08-2017

Hi Simona. Its been a while since I checked in with you. I have been away last week and am only just getting back into the swing of things here. I dont have access to internet or computers when I go away. No fancy gadgets for me!

Well done of giving yourself a reward after your last depot shot - both the dirty chai and the new bomber jacket were well deserved.

I note that you have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow. Do you have it all straight in your mind as to what you plan to discuss with her? For example you want to reduce your antipsychotic. Can you tell her reasonable reasons that she will accept and be likely to agree with you on?

Really pleasing to hear that you are remaining civil and reasonable when dealing with your MH team. I'm sure this will be helping your cause.

Are you still taking plenty of walks? Does Bandicoot usually go with you, even if you have to carry her?

I hope to hear from you again soon. And I'll be interested to hear how you get along tomorrow. Wishing you all the best.

Kindest regards,

Taurus xx

Simona · ‎21-08-2017

Hello T

I dont think my med will be reduced. Im in hospital very depressed and s'dal.

Tomorrow i see my psych. Today i had my children visit. I will ipdate more tomorrow. They will be starting me on other medication

Starwolf · ‎22-08-2017

Sad to read you are back in hospital. How come ? I understand how depressing a turn this must be. Hopefully, something positive will come out of this stay.

I hope your psych apt makes you feel a little better and that the new meds will do the same. Is that a change or an addition to the depot shots ?

Anyway, I will be looking out for your update to find out.

Meanwhile...thinking of you and wishing I could do more.

Guest_9809 · ‎22-08-2017

Hi Simona. I have been thinking of you today, and wondering how you got along with your psych today.

Perhaps when you are feeling up to it, you'll give us another update.

I care about you Simona, and dont like to hear how depressed and suicidal you've been lately. Here's hoping that the changed medication will make a positive difference.

Talk soon.

Taurus xx

Simona · ‎27-08-2017

Im in the mhu because im very depressed and they are trying to make me gain weight. Also they are giving me new medication. Im refusing to drink Ensure. It tastes really yuck and it's very calorie dense.

Starwolf · ‎27-08-2017

Just dropping by to sit by your side a while.

I don't like to see you so sad and wish I could help. Never heard of that Ensure stuff but it seems to be some sort of nutrient packed goop. Anyway, it doesn't sound too appetizing. You'd think they would make supplements more palatable. Then people would be more inclined to take them.

Did you lose weight while at home or is it just that you didn't gain any and they expected you to ? I guess being depressed doesn't do much to ease anorexia...

Do you feel the new medication is helping ? Perhaps it is still too early to say. All this trial and error saga must be exhausting and disheartening. My heart goes out to you. I respect and admire your courage but wish it would soon get back on easier tracks.

Starwolf · ‎29-08-2017

Hi there Simona,

Just passing by, hoping you are feeling a little bit better. I brought a virtual dirty chai so we can both sip in silence and enjoy.

Simona · ‎29-08-2017

Hello Star. I lost more weight at home and am acutely depressed and s'dal.

I have been told along with my family that i have schitzo affective disorder with depression.

The drinks are truly awfull. Sludgy and thick. The nurse has to watch me drink it then stays with me for 20min so i dont throw it up.

Im drinking half of it. I dont want to be tube fed in the other ward.

They will be starting ect on me tomorrow i think.

My mum came to visit me today and she cried in front of the staff. There was a short meeting about me

They have me on very strong medication. It knocks me out. It is helping with sleep. It is supposed to help with mood too but it hasnt

Thank you for sitting by me. I did try to post earlier but for some reason everytime i pressed reply it was unresponsive.