In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

Hello Sherie : ) wow. I'm just blown away by your post. You are an extremely kind person and i would come to your aide without a mili second's worth of thought for my own safety. I mean that MOST sincerely. Well yes I'm lean but I'm fit lean not sick lean. Next week I start my 12 week treatment to fix my blood. I'm getting my flu shot this Friday as instructed. I feel optimistic but I try not to think about it because what will be will be. This place and everyone makes me smile. I'm glad to be alive even if living sometimes feels like an annoying crumpled up sock I have to keep pulling up. And yes! Bandicoot comes on my walk but I have to carry her sometimes.

[Starwolf]

Hey Simona,

Good to know your results have come back normal. You seem to be feeling much, much better, so reading your recent posts made my day. Love your analogy of the old crumpled sock...You're right, Life is like that, you must keep pulling it up to keep it on. Otherwise it ends up underfoot !

Keep powering on Simona, you're on the right track.

Happy trails to you.

[Starwolf]

Who's the hunk with the devilish smile ? Anyone you know ? Although I would understand if you want to keep him a secret...

[Guest_5218]

Simona you are such a kind person, thankyou.

You sound very bright and cheerful today - thats fantastic. Its always a good feeling to be optimistic and feeling like you want to smile.

I have never had a flu shot before, but am thinking about having one this year. My hubby has one every year now for the past 2 years, after previously falling to every cold and flu around. Now he never even gets a cold. Which is a bit weird, because its not the same thing. But it certainly protects him, which is good.

Like Starwolf, I also love your analagy about the annoying crumpled sock. You are such an intelligent and deep thinking lady Simona. Its always an absolute pleasure to talk to you.

I'm glad that little Bandicoot gets to go on these walks with you - she must love it too. Do you only have to carry her when you are on the rough terrain, or does she get tired because you are walking such a long way? She's only a little thing after all.

Oh and I do like your new hunky profile picture ................. wolf whistle !!

Its so nice to hear that you are happy again Simona and feeling glad to be alive. Life usually is pretty damned good, but sometimes we just have to wait a while for that to happen I guess.

Love and kind thoughts to you.

Sherie xx

[Simona]

Hey : ) I pick her up and carry her sometimes for 2 reasons: A. Because I walk too fast/too far or B. When the red heelers come bolting from nearby property. I was only told to get the flu shot because of my compromised immune system prior starting treatment Monday. Yes it's a chronic illness but I don't actually 'feel' ill from it. I'm not in pain.

[Simona]

Hello Star : ) ha so you guys reckon I got good taste. Yeah I love a man with mischief in his eyes : )The man in question is Terence Hill. I grew up watching him and his sidekick Bud Spencer in a lot of funny movies. The punch ons were hilarious.

[Graceeeeee]

Hey dear Simona!!

I'm so sorry I haven't been here for the past few days for you, you do deserve so much love!! I'm so glad you are home now, that must feel very good, and I totally understand you are not a TV biscuit person, you are always on the move which is really cool! And yes like you I hope you will be able to get back to your wire project soon, I'm sure it will be ABSOLUTELY AMAZING when you finish it!! You have some artistic skills for sure! And I read that you were going to see a nurse, so how did that go? Let me know how everything's going Simona, how's partner and the kids? Thank you for sharing everything Simona I'm honoured to be able to walk through this journey with you, I will stay tuned!! Take care Simona I'm thinking of you sweet soul 🙂 ❤️ ❤️ Some hearts and smily faces to you!! 😛

With Love,

Grace xx

[Simona]

Hello Grace : ) I appreciate your posts and am grateful for all the support you give me but how old are you? 15? 16? YOU need to live YOUR life and when I do hear from you hey that's a bonus : ) Please no more sorries ok : ) The visit to my psych nurse was on Monday. I had my psychiatrist pop his head in briefly and say hello so that was a nice surprise too since he's so flat out. I have now been put on another medication on top of what I'm already taking. I do feel very different so they must be working. Like, less crowded in my head. So it's actually quiet and peaceful. Not much paranoia. Just a smidge now and then but nothing like 2 weeks ago when I was feeling absolute terror. I'm trying hard to re-socialize. It's very important in getting stable & staying stable. I'm also taking the pills as instructed and have not pulled the wool over anyone's eyes. Biggest thing is; as much as I made friends easily in the MHU I don't want to go back in there. I wasn't allowed my hairdryer and partner packed the wrong clothes and stuffed everything in a big mess. Now I know it's early days yet and there are moments when this 'thing' grips me and I get a bad self harm thought but I snap out of it. That must be the medication working.

My partner and children are A ok. Children busy back at school amongst friends and partner busy with work but ever loving and supportive. He no longer plays that war game with machine guns. He is playing some other game with cavemen clubbing and spearing instead. Accounts have been limited after my 'misadventure' but he gave me some $$ to spoil myself today so i have been to salon getting pampered : )

Hope you are travelling well : )

ps- I'm unsure about all that wire now. I collected a lot of junk last month. Maybe i will turn it into a giant butterfly

[Simona]

Oops I made an error. The psch visit was just yesterday. And yeah I need to see them every week now. I'm feeling very blessed*. My psychiatrist and I are in the process of bonding. This is all very new to me because he's my first.

[Starwolf]

What a magic turn around...so relieved to know about these improvements to your lifestyle. I can't imagine what relief it must be for you (and your loved ones) ! Thanks for keeping us posted and sharing the good news.

Bonding with your psych, yeah, a significant lucky strike. I hope it will be the start of creative team work and that things will steadily keep improving for you. You so deserve it after all you've been through.

Using your allowance to pamper yourself...a terrific choice.

Had a giggle about your partner being back to basics with his war games. The way I see it, "progressing" from clubs and spears to weapons of mass destruction is a questionable sign of "evolution".

The idea of turning your accumulated heap of "junk" into a butterfly is a stroke of genius. Metamorphosis from refuse to artwork...

Have a wonderful day. You've certainly made mine.