In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

[Simona]

Hello.  I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me.  And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know  what else to do.  And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps.  My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking.  Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS.   And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there.   I have  no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me.  I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!".     I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat.  Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD.   So far today I'm ok i think.   I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair.  A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok.  I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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[Simona]

What a beautiful and tender gesture with the flowers. Thank you

I'm heavily medicated for my schizoaffective disorder and trying to settle back into home life once more. My partner cooks meals trying to get me to eat (I'm anorexic) and makes sure I take my medication and has taken my bank cards. People have taken advantage of me you see. I'm no good with money - I throw it around and can't remember what I do with it. I spent hundreds leading up to my admission. This makes my partner very angry

[Starwolf]

It's been a while, hasn't it ?

I am not as much around the forums either these days as I have been/still am very unwell (physically). But I wanted to welcome you back to your bb home. I figured your silence meant some sort of trouble and I have been concerned. But it's good to read you are now back among your loved ones.

Please take care and let them take care of you.

[Wilma1]

Simona, take things slowly and try to get as well as you can. You don't have to answer, we all know it's a struggle at the moment. We are here sitting with you, sending the best wishes your way. W 💕💕

[Simona]

Hello Star

I think of you. Thank-you for your warm welcome and advice. I do hope you recover

[Simona]

Almost got re hospitalized today but partner stepped in. Having trouble with my medication. I needed to be catheterised.

[Wilma1]

Simona.💞💞💞

[Starwolf]

I'm right here, sitting by your side, holding your hand.

Sorry you had to be catheterized...how unpleasant ! That medication issue is a tough one, isn't it ? I know how much you hate it but have no answers. Just loving, compassionate thoughts.

[Simona]

If you google my medication you would see it is a poison.

It is TOXIC.

I stopped taking it for some days and then came the strangers. Only I can see/hear them. one crawled under the bottom of the doona and tugged my foot. I tried to call for my partner who was getting ready for work. I tried to call him but I couldn't make a word only sounds so I knocked on the wall. Then he cames. tonight I have to take my antipsychotic he said. he said I can take half but I must swallow and not be tricky Tomorrow my MH support worker is taking me out for coffee and after that to the doctors. I'm anorexic and very thin. It's not a vanity thing. I just struggle to eat because I have no appetite this is an update.

[Guest_5218]

Hi Simona. Good to hear from you again. Sorry I havent been more supportive of you lately, but I have been away for a while.

I wasnt aware that you were still taking the anti-psychotics, thinking that it would have been all inclusive with the depot shots. Or are you no longer on those since the ECT treatment you had?

I'm glad to hear that you are planning to go out for coffee with your support worker tomorrow. Will it be your standard dirty chai? Perhaps you could have something along with the coffee, as in food - biscuits, blueberry muffins, banana bread, or some other form of nuts or berries. It does sound like you are very thin, even to your own eyes. I realise a lot of the medications you are on probably affect your appetite, which makes it even more important that you really try to make an effort to eat something nourishing every day. Did you ever give the sustagen a try?

I hope your children are all well and those of school age are happily back at school. Please give Speedy, Cupcake and Bandicoot a pat from me.

Its always a pleasure to hear from you Simona, so thanks for the update.

Sherie xx (and Holly too)

[Simona]

Hello Sherie : )

I can't remember why they stopped the depot shots. I'm supposed to take antipsychotics every day. This is since they determined that I suffer from a chronic psychotic illness and NOT a personality disorder.

Food just doesn't interest me. In hospital they put me on energy/nutritional drinks. I have tried Sustagen but I don't like it. I don't touch the stuff no matter what flavour.

Yes. The children are well and back at school. There are noisy sleep-overs. I don't mind the mess and after midnight laughing

yes. I will have a dirty chai tomorrow in a MUG. You get a little biscuit with it and yes; this I eat. My MH support worker reminds me of that Sonia Kruger. She's beautiful

i'll give my critters a pat on your behalf : ) they are all sleeping atm take care Sherie!!! may the force be with you