In so much pain because of mood swings (Schizoaffective).

Simona · ‎21-01-2016

Hello. I never thought I would be posting here because being sad is just not me. And my psychologist is not responding and i don't know what else to do. And i know night time is coming again and I'm scared

Because i am in a very lowly way and i can only manage short burst of sleep like naps. My head hurts so bad and i can't stop thinking. Strange sentences form in my head and roll on like those movie credits for HOURS. And last night i was ok for abit but come 4am i was mess and the headache was making me feel like i had to vomit but had nothing there. I have no appetite and I'm feeling the paranoia - Yesterday i cried. ranted. couldn't breathe properly. That went for4 hrs and I'm still exhausted from it

I told partner please help me. I just kept repeating it and he kept walking away and then got angry and said "I'm sorry i don't know what to do OK!". I said please please take me to hospital because i don't want the children to see me like this and i'm so scared but he said no because he said they wouldn't let me out and that he needs to work so we can eat. Plus not to involve his parents so i must straighten myself up.

I told him these thoughts I'm having are BAD. So far today I'm ok i think. I wish i didn't live so rural. I'm trying to relax. i don't think it's fair. A massage is not helping. Plus i have to listen to this machine gun noise because partner plays this war game

Ps: i know i say things like i want to die but that's not true ok. I just want whatever is wrong with me to stop

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Guest_5218 · ‎24-08-2016

Good news Simona! It is magic indeed.

Talk soon. And a big hug to someone who is still an angel in my eyes. (-:

Sherie xx

Starwolf · ‎26-08-2016

Ah but you ARE an angel, though other people can't see your wings. It doesn't mean they don't exist...

I'm now back on track after days offline due to relentless freak weather. I hope you will be back home soon...if it hasn't already happened. Yours is such a supportive family...time away must bring much sadness and distress. to all concerned. The way you people stick together no matter what is an inspiration.

There's a lot to catch up with here at the moment, a lot of mopping up to do and a lot of flood damage to repair. But my thoughts are with you.

Simona · ‎27-08-2016

Hello : ) I'm back home after being released yesterday. I really wasn't prepared for the anxiety. It's been such a shock. I wanted to come home so much and don't get me wrong; words can't sum up my joy of being back with my family. Just this anxiety and feeling so overwhelmed/over stimulated. It's exhausting. I'm taking it one breath at a time and trying to distract and be gentle on myself. Thank-you for checking in on me.

Guest_5218 · ‎28-08-2016

Hi there Simona. Really pleased to hear that you are home again.

I feel sure that the worst of your anxiety will reduce soon. In the meantime I hope you are able to soak up some of the beautiful late winter sunshine we have been getting the past 2 days.

I may be absent for a little while as I plan to take a short break. My thread now located in the Long Term Support Sections explains everything if you are interested. But I will check in with you occasionally to see how you are doing.

Take care, keep breathing, do things you enjoy when you feel up to it. And soon you'll be feeling okay again.

Kind thoughts and much love to you.

Sherie xx

Starwolf · ‎02-09-2016

Welcome back to the outside world...I'm not surprised all those rapid changes of space (and pace too) are triggering bouts of anxiety. It is a lot to take in and must feel like a Scandinavian sauna (I never understood how running naked from an overheated room to have a roll in the snow could be good for you).

Congratulations on taking the proactive approach. Fingers crossed it will see you through the transition without too much distress so that you can make the most of warmer, longer days.

Have an entertaining but peaceful weekend.

Guest_5218 · ‎02-09-2016

Hi Simona. We havent heard from you in a while, so I have been wondering how you are getting along.

You've been home for a week now, so hopefully things are starting to feel like getting back to normal again.

I am not back to being on here regularly yet, but I will check in with you again soon.

I hope you have a nice weekend with family.

Love to you

Sherie xx

Simona · ‎04-09-2016

Hello Sherie & Star : ) Well I have just been lying low due to my anxiety. It either comes in waves or I just wake up with it. It's exhausting but so far has not lead to a full blown panic attack. I'm still taking my antipsychotics. I have recently started on an anti depressant which targets anxiety. I'm eating and trying to gain. I drink Sustagen between meals to aid this and its a slow process. The recovery from psychosis is taking a lot of work and patience. I'm fortunate my partner has had a full week off work just to be here for me and supporting me through some tough teary moments. Just feeling very fragile still but hanging in there. Thank-you for your support : )

Guest_5218 · ‎04-09-2016

Hi there Simona. Really good to hear from you again, and pleasing to hear that your anxiety has not lead to any full blown panic attacks.

Good news also that you sound like you are eating sensibly again. Hopefully that will lead to you starting to feel a little stronger in general. And yes, you are fortunate indeed that your partner has been able to spend the week at home to help you through what has no doubt been a really difficult week.

Feeling fragile is not ideal, but it is an improvement for you Simona. So I am really pleased for you.

Good on you for hanging in there. You are one very determined and admirable lady.

You always have my support, as long as you want it. Big hug to you Simona. And a pat for Bandicoot too.

Sherie xx

Simona · ‎04-01-2017

Oh Sherie... wherever you may be; I do so thank-you from the bottom of my heart for your caring. There were things I wanted to say to you but then things changed around here and you too were gone. I don't like changes much so i stayed away because i felt uncomfortable.

Anyway, here is my update because i was gone for a while.

I'm doing ok. All that anxiety is long gone. Most of it was due to being released again into the big wide world. I'm not taking my medications which they don't know about yet. Only my partner knows. Point is I CAN'T just exist. I need to live!!!. I need to live and feel again. And that's exactly what i said to him when i threw my arms around him the other day. I take about 36 supplements daily. Vitamins, minerals that kind of stuff. My hair is growing long again looking really healthy. I'm listening to music again and i love where it takes me. Haven't self harmed since...3 weeks ago so doing well there. I will be ok i just have to remember the last episode and repeat "I'm not going to hospital again". Just have to stay positive and keep patting my kittens : )

Starwolf · ‎05-01-2017

Hi dear Simona,

You don't know how relieved I am to read from you again...Your "disappearance" from the forums had me concerned.

I'm glad you have reclaimed your life and your smile. I hope it will help reconcile you with change...it's not necessary bad. Just scary sometimes when we have no idea where it will lead us.

I read your post in the Pet thread. Furry friends are the best mindfulness teachers, aren't they ? They waste no time and energy on past or future, mind replays and speculations. But we smart humans are forever struggling with the consequences of misdirected thought. So much we could learn from the natural world...if only were humble enough !

I have no doubt those kittens will bring you much joy and delight.

Simona, you made my day. Thank you.