I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Narelle,

1 hour of MYOB is great! Well done. Little steps are good.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

Buddy woke me up with his usual meow and knocking things off the bedside table and the first thought that popped into my head was Thursday

I honestly don't think I'm ready - I don't even have anything for lunch! Miraculously, I have some cash to buy something cheap from Coles or somewhere, considering this is week 2 of my dad not turning up to work. Rent is due on Saturday, so I'm not expecting it to be paid!

I can feel my heart pounding as I type this and I can't seem to breathe deeply and its only Tuesday - UGH!!!

Have to try and relax today...

[lookingforme]

Hi Narelle,

I have a lot of catching up to do on your thread, and I will, but I just wanted you to know that you have one more person in your corner, standing with all the other beautiful people on here.

I think I do what you do sometimes, get caught up in the countdown to something significant (be it good or bad - The anxiety is there either way). Maybe, it will help to not attach anything to the days? I understand how difficult this is, but as you said, it is only Tuesday. A lot of breaths exist between now and then.

Anyway, thought I'd stop by to show some solidarity.

Joelle

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Joelle, that means a lot 🙂

I'm feeling a tad better after a cup of tea or two, now I'm in bed watching some TV, trying not to overthink too much.

I may have a nap in a little while...didn't sleep well last night.

I just have to put one foot in front of the other and get myself there, I actually thought buying something nice for lunch would be an extra treat for going. I need all the help I can get!

I know its not the best thing to reward yourself with food, so I'm calling it an incentive 🙂

[lookingforme]

🙂

It's good that you're feeling a bit better. Better is still better, no matter the increment.

That's essentially what we all have to do, and if there is an incentive to do it, well, after putting one foot in front of the other, it's okay to reward yourself too. To me anyway.

I hope your nap goes well

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Narelle,

Just take an hour at a time. If one isn't good it is not long to the next one where you might feel better. Tea helps.

Thinking of you.

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

Managed to snooze for about 45 minutes and woke up to my stomach hurting

I know it's because of Thursday...damn it. I have to relax about this, I mean, what's the worst that could happen?!

Going to see if a cup of tea helps, then tomorrow, I don't know...

[Guest_5218]

Hi Narelle. Glad you got a bit of a nap in.

Can you tell me what it is about Thursday that has you in such a state? Is it the effort of getting there, as you dont like driving? Is it the work once you get there? Is it the people you will be working with? Is it just the fact that you may not like leaving your house? Sorry about all the questions but I want to try to help, and can't if I dont know the real reason you are freaking out about your volunteer work on Thursday.

You have done the right and courageous thing by deciding to go, now we need to work on what it is that may prevent you getting there. Can you tell me that?

I hope a nice hot cuppa helps to settle both the tummy and your anxiety.

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

I catch a bus because it's in the city, so it's not that.

Could be the effort and having to go, I mean, it's been months.

The work is easy enough - provided I remember everything. I guess that's a bit of a worry and having to ask for help with stuff.

Part of me does wonder if everyone there will resent me because I haven't been there for so long

Leaving the house probably isn't such an issue because everything with my dad is pissing me off, so it could do me the world of good to go out for a bit. I can't believe an adult is so useless and ignorant...

I'm thinking it's because I haven't been in there for so long and when I was going I had a friend to chat to. She's since decided I'm too negative and needs a “break” to “heal” (she has mental health issues too)

I guess I just thought we'd last, since we hit it off in less than a month, but instead, she's moved on and I'm still me 😞

No wonder I've given up...

[Guest_5218]

So you seem to have narrowed it down to the fact that you've not been for a while and a former friend you knew there has since moved on.

It is likely that there are now other people there that werent there before. Thats good news because you will have the chance to meet new people and possibly develop new friendships. I see this as a positive Narelle.

Sounds like you are comfortable with the work itself, which is good. You know you can do that side of it.

If you do have any questions dont be afraid to ask. It is better to ask than to fret and worry and end up getting it wrong. Dont forget that you are doing them a favour by being there. You are a volunteer, so you are helping them out of the goodness of your heart.

If the need arises, I'm sure that they will be pleased that you have asked for help on anything you're not sure on. It will show them that you are willing to learn, and happy to follow instruction on things you dont already know.

Dont compare yourself to someone else Narelle. Everyone is different. You say that she has moved on. Be happy for her. But now its your turn. You will heal and move on too. Give yourself time. Dont give up, you're doing well.

Sherie xx