I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Just a quick reply, so no one thinks I've disappeared.

I had the best time, getting no sleep and extremely sunburnt. I'm still getting over both, so will be back to go into more detail, if anyone's interested 🙂

[Wednesday]

Wonderful news (not the sunburn bit)! 🙂

[Music_Freak]

I think the blues have hit...I've lost all motivation to do anything.

I've got washing, should exercise, organise my concert loot in a frame, but no, I'm about to force myself into the shower at 2pm 😞

[Wednesday]

That's okay it was a very big experience and maybe you just need some rest you will get there.Baby steps. xx

[Music_Freak]

So, I've changed my pic to what the drummer from Halestorm (the one I run the instagram account for) wrote on the set list he gave me after the concert in Sydney.

I want a better copy of it (some of it is cut off), but it'll do for the tiny square we have here.

I'm really particularly worthless lately, so I feel like I need to see those three words everywhere I go.

Even if thinking about it and the hug he gave me which was tightened briefly and the kiss on the cheek make me want to cry, because I'm not worth anything to anyone...

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I am glad you enjoyed the concerts so much. Really happy for you that you have something you are so passionate about. It's terrific that you have some keepsakes and the positive message in your profile pic says it all.

The key to feeling worthwhile comes from inside. I think you need to believe it within yourself rather than attributing worth based on what other people think of you. It's hard to feel that way when you're not feeling motivated. I think Ava is right about needing a rest. Perhaps while you rest you can put together a list of things you'd like to achieve this year. Remember when doing that, you need to have realistic goals so you don't overwhelm yourself. Maybe simple things like go for a walk every second day.

Perhaps if you can achieve little things here and there it will help you feel better about yourself.

New Years feel like a good time for change.

Take care xx

[Guest_9809]

Hi Narelle, I've seen you around some of the word game threads, although we havent formally met yet.

I have just been catching up on your thread, and thought I'd poke my head out and say hi to you here.

It sounds as though you have thoroughly enjoyed the Halestrom tour, and I love the profile pic of what the drummer wrote for you. I hope you take good note of what it says Narelle - You are amazing! From what I've read on your thread it seems that you suffer from a low self esteem, and often lose sight of the fact that you are in fact a very special person. You are amazing!

Good news also about your work situation. They obviously value you, and so have kept your position open for your return.

Sunburn ..... urgg, I hate that. It can be extremely painful. I know as I burn really easily myself.

Anyway I will continue tracking your story here. I also noted your story on the Pet Thread. Sounds like Buddy is a big comfort to you, as is my dog Tammie. Pets are great arent they, a real comfort in times of distress.

Take good care of yourself Narelle.

Taurus xx

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

I don't think we have "met" before. I have to admit that I've only read snippets of your thread here and there so I'm not 100% familiar with your story.

Although I'm getting the impression that self esteem- as Lost Girl commented on- is one of your key struggles.

I love your avatar and the personal meaning behind it. Sometimes we need those regular reminders, huh? I think this is especially the case as it seems your sense of self worth has taken a recent nose dive.

I have seen your thread before, and to be honest, what drew me to your thread was your username: Music_Freak (awesome name btw!)

I'm a uni student and currently on uni holidays (also currently procrastinating cleaning- my housemates will be on my case soon enough!)

I LOVE music and ever since another forum user/CC (ahem, Croix- and I say this affectionately) got me started on talking about music, I can't seem to zip it about the topic ha, ha.

Even on musically unrelated threads, I somehow- probably much to everyone else's chagrin- bring up some sort of music commentary 😂

You take care now.

Dottie x

[1113]

Hi Music_Freak,

Im just popping in to say hello.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Peace

Matt.

[Music_Freak]

Thank you everybody for your kind words, they actually warmed my heart

I'm still feeling a bit low/off, but am back volunteering on Tuesday, so I'm hoping I'm a little better by then or at least having something to focus on helps me get outside my own head a little bit