I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I'm not going to waste my time with the job. I talked to a lady about it and don't feel at all confident.

They want you to be able to carry a 10kg vacuum cleaner around during a 5 hour shift and I have trouble carrying Buddy for maybe 15 mins walking home from the vet!!

I can't even tell the friends I enjoyed chatting to yesterday, I'm pretending I'm going to the info session tomorrow.

I feel like a fraud 😞

[Music_Freak]

I'm going to drag myself to this info session. I've talked to the woman twice today, she must think I'm an idiot...I'll catch a bus trembling if need be. Decided I'll give myself 3 months to see if all this settles down. I doubt it will, but at least I'll have tried

Problem is, I have to drive to the airport...anxious

[Music_Freak]

Well, I had my first almost accident driving....wow, nerves are SHOT!!

Info session and job are a no go...oh well, back to work for the dole and volunteering

[Wednesday]

But you tried, kudos!

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

I haven't been doing well lately...everything's just a struggle.

I have a GP appointment tomorrow, hopefully I don't burst into tears

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

I am sorry to hear everything feels like a struggle lately. The roller coaster ride is not fun. Hopefully you can look on some of the great advice given and see if any of that helps to pull you out of your low patch.

It's great you have an appointment with your GP. Don't worry about crying in front of them. I cried every time I went for a long time (2 to 3 times a week for months at my lowest points). They always have tissues ready hey, it is all ok. Your GP is a great person to let know how you're feeling and what you are doing on a daily basis for activities. If you've stopped being able to get out for walks or getting showered and dressed or eating or even just getting out of bed, make sure you let them know.

I hope between your GP and perhaps looking back here for some ideas it can give you a bit of hope lovely.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Kind thoughts,

Carol xx

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I'm so pleased that you are going to see your doctor. Absolutely go and cry, your Doctor needs to know how you are feeling. As Carol said let them know exactly what is happening for you.

We are here for you, let us know how you go.

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

I'm doing OK, a bit better than a few days ago anyway.

I managed to not cry at the doctor, but it was a relief to talk to someone. She gave me another certificate for centrelink, which was good, means less stress.

I'm hoping to start going for walks by the end of the week, to try and feel healthier. I have to get into some sort of daily routine plus I'm focusing on the Halestorm concerts in January 🙂

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I'm pleased you found your doctor's visit useful. Having Centrelink off your back must be a great relief. I laughed when I saw Halestorm written again, at last dodgy Halestorm reply.

Walking is such a great idea, just a little way and as you get fitter you can walk a bit further and so on. Baby steps are still steps. Can I just check that you are eating some of the orange and green things with a protein?

How is your garden going?

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, I've got a 20-30 min walk planned, I'd like to get to am hour, but we'll see

The garden is on hold at the moment because of the weather and finances, but I'm hoping to get going with it in a couple of weeks when both improve 🙂

I've got an appointment with centrelink on the 28th...hope I'm not in trouble (I think it's for an assessment or social worker, but still)

I'm struggling to get out of bed this week...