I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Enjoy your holiday and I hope it's nice and restful 🙂

I do have a little bit of social interaction with my voluntary work, I guess that's better than nothing for now.

I'm still staying motivated with gardening at the moment, so that's keeping my mind occupied, away from thoughts of my friends etc.

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

I think that the work you're putting into your house is really important. It is time to move on a little you deserve a papa life in pleasant surroundings. Can you imagine how chuffed your mum would be to see the house being spruced up by her gorgeous daughter?

Love the garden work you and Buddy are a good team. I've grown veggies in all sorts containers, the problem is they seem to dry out, but I guess you could mulch the container to help out. My local council gives mulch and I think compost away for free to residents, might be worth checking out your end too?

I have compost bins (sadly just looking at me and in need of some TLC) but one of my neighbours just used to dig in her vege scraps and grew awesome veggies. The weeds that you are pulling out could be put in garbage bags in the sun to kill of the seeds and dug in to the soil too, sorry if you know all this.

I hope the weather remains lovely for you and Buddy to get outside. Has Buddy come up with any good gossip from peering over the fence yet?

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for the tips - I didn't know the weeds one! Hopefully I'll be ready to plant veg soon, even if I have to use some potting mix (none of my current compost is cat free)

No gossip from Buddy and no girlfriends either, thankfully 😉

[Emmy.]

Hope you're doing ok and keeping safe in the storms Narelle (and without power too golly - hope it's all fixed soon). Xx

[Music_Freak]

Awww, thank you for asking about me Emmy 🙂

I'm fine and Buddy's fine 🙂 He was so brave with the thunder noise - I was a proud mum 🙂

I would've posted here, but by the time I remembered (around 3pm) my power was out. It came back around 8pm

Tomorrow is meant to not be great weather wise, but I think today was the worse of the two

[Emmy.]

So relieved to hear that you and Buddy are safe and well. Xx

[Music_Freak]

Sorry I haven't been posting, I'm just not in the mood.

My friend told me to leave her alone. Obviously she's been taking lessons that told me to not even reply and blocked me.

Way to go worthless one. I guess I deserve to be this. The more I try the worse it ends up...maybe being lonely is it for me

[Music_Freak]

*taking lessons from the other friend

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

Just dropping of a bunch of hugs. Wish I could send some plant cuttings over the airwaves too.

Hugs, x

[Music_Freak]

I'm upset over my mum...but other than that today is semi bearable. I cleaned out a desk and found some of her stuff still there after nearly 10 years. I disappeared to my room for a cry twice

I'll look right through my friend if I ever see her at concerts, I do it to my family all the time. She actually said sorry her effort didn't work after the please leave me alone bit...some people have some nerve!!

Really beginning to think that not only do I deserve to live out my days alone, but that I'll be better off. Maybe people are better off without me