I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Well, I didn't even go today, so my group probably hates me...another epic fail...yay...maybe I should just drop out 😞 I don't know why I'm bothering with much lately, I feel like I even let Buddy down on a daily basis...

I have to somehow get so much work done in the next few weeks, and I don't even know where to start

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

What happened? Do you want to talk about it?

Go back to the previous posts on why you are doing this course.

And what you have to do in the next weeks?

Could you create a schedule for yourself to make sure you get the work done? And everything starts with planning - work out what you have to do, gather the information and then do it. I know I have oversimplified it all, and while you are feeling down at the moment, take a deep breath (or two), relax, and work out what you want to do, have to do and everything else in between.

You know that I will not tell you what to do, but I can be a sounding board for you. And help you through these times. But you should also remember that you can do it.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Oh Tim, I don't know what I'd do without you and Birdy posting here and helping to keep me sane 🙂

I didn't go to my group meeting because I woke up at 3am with stomach pain and just kind of gave up. I don't want to do the presentation anyway, there's zero enthusiasm about it on my part

I did manage to do a 40 question quiz yesterday, but not much today because I woke up with a sore throat, so I'm going to try again tomorrow, or maybe I should just rest until Monday, I'm not sure yet.

I've got a rough schedule in mind...just have to stick to it...

[Birdy77]

Hi MF,

No need to despair about not making the meeting with your group. It happens. If you put your fair share of contribution in in other ways, it wont matter greatly in the scheme of things. You can do that. I know it.

Sorry you're not feeling well, it's hard to get motivated to do stuff when you feel sick. But you've done well by doing the quiz, so at least that's one thing ticked off the list.

I love ticking things off a list - maybe you could make a list of the things that need doing over the next, say, 2 weeks ... as you tick them off, it will feel good. Include small things (readings, going for a short walk, etc) so there's lots of ticking being achieved!

Maybe you could do one or two little things between now and Monday to start making the baby steps towards your assessments. And that's an important thing to remember, Baby Steps. Each little tiny thing you do will get you closer to completing your tasks.

If it's nice autumn weather over the weekend, maybe you could spend some time working on your new raised beds - it can clear the head to be out in the fresh air - and now you have your screening up (yay!! Well done!!) so you have some privacy!

You can do this MF. Just keep chipping away at it.

We believe in you, so borrow some of our belief if you need to for now.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you for your reply Birdy. I've read it multiple times, just like I did Tim's. They both made me smile.

I'm not sure I'm contributing to the group, but I'm trying...

I've got my list on a whiteboard, so far only one thing is ticked off. Bummer...I'll try and do more next week...go slow and steady, it wins the race, apparently.

The weather hasn't been great, but that's not enough to stop me, really. If I level my front and backyards by hand, I'll be sloshing around in the mud in gumboots, once I buy a pair. Doesn't bother me, I'd rather that than summer heat. Hopefully Geoff replies to my garden bed post soon, I'll need the help!

I'm still trying to decide if I should have a relaxing weekend or do uni work...I guess I'll see how I sleep/feel.

[Music_Freak]

I'm in so much pain with so much to do...my stomach hurts and I've only got 10 prescription painkillers left. I couldn't get a doctor's appointment until Monday...so stressed and anxious

And SO much uni work needs doing...my group presentation work and 3 big end of subject written assignments, all 2250 words, by early June. I just want to cry, scrap that, I am crying 😞

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

I'm so sorry to hear you are in so much pain ... can you go to a chemist and get something extra (non- prescription but stronger than off the shelf)? Otherwise, hospital? If you're in excessive pain? ...

With the assignments, I think you said that you had access to a plan of some sort, to give you extra time for assignments if needed ... it might be one if those times?

I understand how stressful it is, I really do. Doing full time uni is really hard work, especially as a mature age student. Access the help that is available to you ... it is there to assist you MF.

What are the subject topics for the essays?

Try to take deep breaths and ground yourself.

All will be well.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Hi Birdy, your replies are always so lovely and supportive.

The stomach pain has subsided a bit. I think it's just bad because I'm all stressed and anxious. I've been given a week's extension, from the access plan, for one essay (Human Service Provision) on 2 pieces of indigenous legislation. I'm doing it on the stolen generation and some health policy I can't remember the name of even...the group presentation (for Communication Skills in Social Work and Human Services) is about giving good oral presentations (ironic, when I'll totally be the weakest link in my group), my section is about visual aids. The essay for the same subject is a reflective report on the semester and skills we're happy with and not. The last assessment (for Child Development) is a case study on fictional abuse and what we'd do...I think...I haven't even read it properly, let alone started it!

I'm working on getting my presentation parts done this weekend...I just want to drop out...

[Music_Freak]

I've got 1 1/2 powerpoint slides left to do and about 300 words of the speech left to write...

Now I'm in bed with Buddy snoring next to me ready to cry.

Going to force myself to switch between finishing this dreaded presentation and making the timber frame for the last garden bed.

I'm going to scroll through some real estate/homes for sale to try and remind myself why I shouldn't drop out of uni altogether.

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

I think that most people get the concerned/worried over group presentations. That applied to me also, and some other people I know - whether what I have done was good enough, or is someone else pulling their weight, will I drag down the team, etc. And because it is a team effort, the people in the group should also help each other. Though that did not really happen when I was at Uni in my early 20s.

I hope you don't mind me asking this question, but do you have a schedule for what you are going to do each week? So that you can fit in your other stuff? your study stuff? etc. Of course, the trick is committing to it. And I can be just as bad as the rest.

Have you read "The happiness Trap"? It is a book my psych recommended I read. I won't say anymore about the book, but you could check it out on goodreads.com, and if you wanted to probably get it from your local library if not the Uni library.

Tim