I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Emmy and Tim 🙂

I'm just feeling really down lately, uni stuff isn't sinking in, neighbour is being a pain (the latest is they cut the cable ties which were holding up screening, so I'm going to put more posts up to support it better since they'll claim they did nothing). There's going to be 6 posts for 2.7 metres, but I don't care...I'm just so done. I feel like the only reason I'm sticking uni out is to get out of this place and with no guarantees of even getting a job, I'm not sure the stress is really worth it...

[smallwolf]

Remember... one day at a time! And while you are right that there are no guarantees of jobs. But I am equally sure that you will find one in the area that you want to work in. We make our own future, and in studying now you are creating it.

Quick aside - My dad (78) went to a psychologist for the first time EVER this week. And I went to their place yesterday. He was asking me about mindfulness and other exercises he was given to do before the next session. He wanted to make sure he was doing it correctly, and ensure it would work. Skipping over the information overload, there were two things to come out of this chat. Firstly, the importance of keeping up practices even when we might be better. And the second thing was (for dad) that is OK to make a mistake, to try, but if it does not work, that OK also. Lastly, he found the session good - and this is from someone that finds it hard to open up re emotions/feelings.

So what might you get from that story? Remember to use whatever tools you have for dealing with stress. Every day that you go to Uni you are learning new skills. Skills that you can/will use in that job you find when you complete the course. I asked you earlier about why you were doing the course, and you replied along the lines of wanting to make a difference. That is why you are doing the course. Yes you will get out of "this place". But you want to help others also. A popup on my phone tell me

Are you moving towards or away from your values?

It is hard, but I also think you know the answer to this question?

Peace and comforting thoughts,

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, I guess I meant get out of this place and literally. Meaning moving and getting better.

I wonder how I'll even cope with moving, working (likely full time or close to) and functioning all round. I look at what other people do and think I'd struggle big time.

I haven't even started my next assignment, an essay plan and annoted bibliography. Luckily with an access plan getting extensions is relatively easy, but with this one, it means working into the teaching break 😞 but oh well, there's no way I could have submitted much by the 14th. I'm waiting for a quiz to open since that's all I'll probably do today...getting by doing the bare minimum here...

[Music_Freak]

I got a P2 for that social world/moral panic essay...

I'm starting to think all this stressing over uni assignments isn't worth it. I tried for days and really did the best I could...all for a P2?!?!

At least it's a pass I guess, for 50% weighting or something 😞

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

You passed! 🙂

In theology, in some subjects to are looking at history or bible based stuff, and other subjects are systematic which are more abstract and you look at ideas. I am not so good at the abstract stuff, but I think that might also be related to the fact that my thoughts are a bit out there, and not so confident in what I want to say, and so I say what I think the lecturer wants and that comes across in the writing. And I get a lower mark than I would like.

Not sure what area the assignment was in, but perhaps it is similar to systematic subjects for me. And you are right that stressing over your assignments is not worthwhile. Once you have handed your assignment in, there is little you can do. And as you said, you did the best you can.

Of course, there are two options here... some universities offer courses (single subjects) in writing which you could look into. You could also follow up with the lecturer and ask about how to improve it next time.

I was also told once by one of my lecturers about another lecturer who despite having a PhD could not write to save himself. The point here that you can be very smart, useful and productive and not write very well?

Someone else told me to write for a pass. That does not means you don't try your hardest. But if you aim an HD every time, you set yourself up for failure. Been there!

Tim

[Music_Freak]

I'm feeling a bit off lately. I thought the break from uni would do me good but I'm just bored and a bit lost...I'm even having trouble getting/staying out of bed...

I'm going to catch a bus to bunnings tomorrow and get my screening fixing done. It might do me good to get out of the house. Decided to catch a bus so I could just zone out/not stress. I need to take my car for a drive, but not tomorrow.

Going to get back into uni study after easter, even though it's a teaching break...I'll try and make a start on the other major assessments (and hope I get more than P2's/52% on them), only planning on maybe 2 hours a day or something.

[Birdy77]

Hey MF,

I think it's natural sometimes to feel a bit lost when you're so used to being in your routine of study, and not knowing what to do with yourself during a break.

I think it's a great idea to get into that project today, get yourself out of the house and to Bunnings - sometimes just talking to a few people and being out and about can help.

Did you ever get around to doing the raised garden beds? I've been doing lots of garden projects lately and it has helped lift my spirits as I've been having a hard time recently. I guess with your neighbour problems you might want to get the screening up before you will want to hang out in the garden too much. But it could be good to have another project to look forward to.

It sounds like an excellent plan to get ahead on your assignments and just do a couple of hours a day starting after Easter. Why not hey.

Have fun today!

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Birdy - HELLO!! I've missed my voice of sanity/reason being around here 🙂

Sorry about your hard times, I certainly know what that's like...hopefully things are looking brighter now? I certainly hope so 🙂

I did go out to Bunnings today, forced myself somewhat with the heat, but it felt good to be out exercising a little. I'm working on the extra posts, but have taken a break for lunch and a cuppa, so the screening will be fixed by tomorrow, if not today. I haven't gotten around to the garden beds, thinking I might just buy them since I'll want to take them with me when I move and I don't know how to add a bottom to them. I'm waiting until my next lot of grant money from the uni in September to decide. I'm sure I'll pop over to ask Geoff about it in the home improvement thread before then.

I'm hoping to have at least a rough draft of all three of my remaining assessments for this semester done by the end of next week, but whether it happens depends on motivation. I'll be making a start anyway, when they're not due until early June.

[Music_Freak]

Screening is back up with many dents and cracks, but it protects Buddy from god knows what they could do...

Fingers are red, raw and blistered though. Damn wire 😞

But it's DONE!

[Music_Freak]

I haven't been here for a while again...can't say why, maybe it's just nothing to say, not sure.

I have to meet up with people in my group for another presentation tomorrow...I'm so nervous!! About meeting them and doing the actual presentation in early June - I HATE, HATE, HATE them!! I've got a phone appointment with a uni counsellor on the 8th. I'm hoping that and my access plan can help me a bit, but I don't know if that's possible. I'm totally ready to drop out just to avoid the thing!!