I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Yep, my little wall air conditioner is getting a good workout. I'm certainly dreading my electricity bill coming this month, that's for sure!

I tried to make a start on the essay, the topic is about the media's role in constructing moral panic. I'm not sure what that means exactly, because I haven't done the reading yet, but it's in relation to sociology. I don't know why I can't start this, But I think it could just be because of where my brain has been this week. I will try again in the morning...

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

I did a quick google search on moral panic to, say, get a proper definition. Then when I went to change the search one of the suggestions was

how does the media create moral panics

I would not necessarily use the links from a google search results in an essay, but should give you an idea about the topic. You are probably told in every class about not using Wikipedia, and I agree as in DONT use a reference, but is still good as a starting point. Try it.

[Music_Freak]

I woke up at 3am and spent a bit of time googling for this essay (good tip Tim). I managed to write 130 words of the introduction for this 2250 word essay, while chatting to my online uni support group people. The intro should be around 225 words...100 to go.

I'm too tired to do anymore now. May nap and try later

[Music_Freak]

SO RELIEVED...

Got my summer electricity bill and am $250 in credit...I can feel the weight lifted off me

Will make saving for Halestorm's rumoured return to Australia later this year easier.

I gave myself this afternoon off from study after my psychologist appointment at 9:30...going to spend tomorrow working on getting this essay done and dusted. Hopefully it works, I want and need to get it finished asap

[Music_Freak]

I've lost all motivation for uni study. I open my laptop to start working on the essay or anything else and the only thing I feel is wanting to cry. I haven't even done the tutorials this week, all focus is gone

I'm going to try and get some of everything done over the weekend...again...

I'm trying to always keep what I want out of study, a job, house etc. but it's sooo hard lately 😞

[smallwolf]

Hi MF,

I probably said this to you before, but what the hey....

Sometimes there is work that has to be done study wise. And when that time comes it can be extremely hard to start. And perhaps after a time you get into the swing of things and you get on a roll and want to do more. Do you ever feel like that? I do.

Sometime that struggle to start is because I cannot see or determine or work out the argument I want to make. And if I can find that piece of the jigsaw that makes everything click together, again, I get on a roll and want to keep going.

One thing that you try or look at is to work out what is stopping you or making you lose motivation?

Recent marks indicate you have the talent needed - distinctions are not handed out every student. You have come a long way very quickly since you started the course. Look back at your posts when you started and was unsure about referencing, or research etc. You have met the challenge so far.

What job are you looking for once you complete the degree?

And in that job, what would you hope to achieve?

Tim

[Music_Freak]

I'm sorry you have to keep repeating yourself Tim, and that I'm stuck in this hell...

I managed to write another 400 words of the essay yesterday and will continue with it today. I have to get it finished!

I can see me either working with kids, either in a child protection capacity or foster care/adoption. Or working in a hospital working with patients and/or their families. I have no idea whether this will happen though. Right now I can even see me getting a job.

[smallwolf]

Mf,

You don't have to apologize to me or for being yourself. I am very well aware of what it's like to feel like you are stuck in a loop.

While it might not look like it at the moment, think of it as training for your job - even the subjects you might not like. And something from every subject can be useful?

And my next question is... What is your motivation for wanting to work in this area?

I believe you a passion to work in this area. A lived experience, or understanding? You will be good at this. Remember to breathe through the stresses of assignments and you will get there.

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Tim 🙂

I try and get something out of subjects. I guess doing subjects like communication skills and child development this semester make it easy...subjects about politics etc. not so much!

I don't really know what lead to my pursuing social work, I just remember mentioning it in passing to my mum many years ago, along with wanting to be a pastry chef/baker. Only one of those ideas really stuck. I just wish I'd started sooner. I did tell the new friend who's a Halestorm fan, that I don't want people to go through what I've been through (like with my mum dying) with no support system in place. That's where the working in a hospital idea comes from, the child protection/foster care, I'm not sure, never experienced that myself. I'm open to working anywhere really...provided I get a job.

I've got a Dory from Finding Nemo meme type thing about “just keep swimming” so I'm going to print that out...might make a vision board too.

I am trying and want to succeed, but it's hard to think that I will lately.

Oh well, I'm off to get some uni readings done...just keep swimming 🙂

[smallwolf]

THIS is your motivation (copied from your last post)..

I don't want people to go through what I've been through (like with my mum dying) with no support system in place.

Everything you do in the course will help you in ensuring others do not go through what you did.

It is the same reason why I a doing this diploma.