I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[smallwolf]

MF,

I can understand how you would be nervous after your first semester at uni. I hope now you will see what you are capable of. There will be some subjects that you might not like and more difficult, and you just have to get through. Others you will like and do well at. It is just the way things are. So celebrate this result somehow and when next semester starts remember this. 💐

Tim

[Music_Freak]

I haven't been here much, I couldn't tell you why really...

I'm not too busy, I'm barely doing much at all and not even chatting that much with my new friends. They all have family and kids and stuff so they're probably busy this time of year...I only have Buddy, my family aren't worth any energy.

The artifical turf isn't even happening...the rain we've had has meant that what I sprayed with salt and vinegar is sprouting again. I'll have to mow and do it again. Bummer.

My plan for tomorrow is food shop in the morning and sew a curtain and/or clean when I get home. Hopefully I can do that at least...

[smallwolf]

Sorry I am looking too far forward ... but when does your next term start? And do know what you are doing?

[Music_Freak]

I posted days ago, but it got held up for some reason, so I guess I wait

[Music_Freak]

I doubt my post is going to show up after three days, so here's what I'm doing Tim.

The Social World, starting on the 8th. Communication Skills in Social Work and Human Service, Child Development and Human Service Provision all start on the 26th of February.

Not looking forward to those last three because that date is the anniversary of losing my mum and I always struggle mentally...

[Music_Freak]

That should be the 8th of January.

I enrolled in an earlier study period in the hopes that I wouldn't end up so stressed etc. by everything

[smallwolf]

Those subjects sound interesting.

I can understand why you might struggle mentally as you said, but also remember why you are studying. One semester down already. You go! Have you celebrated passing the first semester yet?

[Music_Freak]

I'm trying to stay motivated with the “why I'm studying” and “what I out of it” stuff...but it's SO hard some days.

I didn't celebrate as such, but I did splurge and buy myself some healing crystal jewellery for a late birthday/early xmas present...so I guess that counts, sort of. I haven't got around to getting the piercings I want, that'll happen in the new year probably

[Birdy77]

Hey MF 😊

I just thought I'd sit with you for a bit.

I know this time of year is really hard for you. How are you holding up?

Do you have any nice plans for any little treats for you and Buddy over this period?

Have you kept up contact with the friends you made after your exams?

Did you get your turf down and curtain made?

I hope you are ok.

From your friend,

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Birdy, I appreciate the company 🙂

Not doing that great...found myself crying when I came across some of my mums things while moving a desk into my lounge for study during summer, I haven't really stopped, but your post did make me smile. I miss my mum so much still...grief just doesn't end.

Going to go food shopping on Sunday morning, to make roasts for me and Buddy for Christmas. Turkey, chicken and vegies. I have ham as well - Buddy's going to go bonkers! Because he never gets spoilt during the rest of the year - haha. It's going to be hot here so it'll be cold leftovers probably, but that's still yum.

Still chatting with the friends, so that's good. They're busy with kids and family stuff, but hopefully we'll catch up next year.

I managed to finish the curtain but turf is still waiting. I'm going to try to mow my lawns tomorrow and start over. Hopefully the heat will help kill it a bit.

I'm not progressing very well at all with the uni holidays to do list, but trying to not beat myself up about it...