I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I think I have bought everything and I am all set to start working on my yards post uni exams.

Now to get my head back into uni stuff...I still have brain development questions to finish before the group work stuff and exams/revision...

Will have to start early in the morning and stop procrastinating!

[Music_Freak]

Guess what I did today?! Finished my other non exam subject, that's what! Two down, two to go...

Now, to house clean for a few days and then revision mid next week...

Any tips?

[Music_Freak]

Stressing and dreading the thought of exams...

I've finally found bamboo look screening for the front fence, it's pvc and $80, means I don't have to ever see neighbour and Buddy doesn't have to run away at the sight of them.

I'm kind of hoping the small changes I'm making here means having to live here won't remind me of my crap family past (my dad leaving me in (rent) debt without a care in the world and my mum dying)

[Music_Freak]

Freaking out about my group presentation for uni and exams and driving and looking after myself...

So much in my head and I hate it

[smallwolf]

Have you consider a to do list on paper?I was going to buy a book for it. But could not find one. So I googled some online, and then with pen and ruler, created own. This is my latest trick from my psychologist. Rather than trying to keep it in my head and ruminating on it, if I put it at the bottom of the list it is out of my head and I can get back to whatever else I was doing.

And I am sure you will do fine with the group assignment. You have passed all other things so far. If this is your first one, being unsure, nervous, scared is natural. But you will be fine.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

I wish I had an ounce of confidence...

I know already that I'll be the one to ruin the presentation. I'm always the weakest link. I have to write what I'm going to say tomorrow...I'm still confused

I really don't know why I tried or if it's worth perservering with uni...I've got another group presentation in a subject next semester - YUCK!!

I'm still waiting to hear that I likely failed the politics essay...then of course there's my two exams.

No wonder I always want to cry

[smallwolf]

Music_Freak,

I can see you think that you are the weakest link in the group. Perhaps break it up the task into smaller workable chunks. And celebrate a little each time you get a bit completed?

Have you seen a group presentation before? Or been involved in one? Group presentations are a necessary part of Uni. Every other student (typically) that are involved, not just in your groups, but other group are also nervous. Even if they say they are not, it can be a mask. You have it within you to succeed!

And how do you know that you failed the politics essay?

On Uni generally... tell me again why you started the course? There is your answer for perservering.

Tim

[Birdy77]

Group work is hard. I never liked it either.

You started uni to better your life. It's a good thing for you to do. It's worth persevering ... it was never going to be easy. Uni is not meant to be easy. It's a rigorous and challenging endeavour.

But you can do it.

And hey, if you find you're not enjoying it as you thought you might, how about trying a different course? Something different?

It's never too late to change the course of your life.

Have faith in yourself.

Act "as if" you have confidence.

Pretend you have confidence.

We can trick our brains.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Birdy and Tim, thank you both. I appreciate your comments greatly. I will reply better/longer when my brain works and the tears stop. Hopefully tomorrow.

[Music_Freak]

Soooo nervous about this presentation. I don't want to be the one that ruins it for the group 😞

I'm not sure what I'm dreading more, the presentation or exams...both are putting me through hell 😞

Tim, I've never done a group presentation or anything at uni, just speeches at high school...I shudder at the memories!

I just have a gut feeling about the politics essay really. No proof. I found out I got another P1 today though

I decided to go to uni to try and make my life better, get a job, buy a house, maybe miraculously make at least one friend etc.

Geez Birdy - talking sense again - what would I do without you and your voice of reason?!?!

I'm happy enough with social work for now, I'm hoping next semester's subjects will be more enjoyable. The group work people say they're easy, so we'll see.

I have zero faith in me (thank you for saying you do) and as for pretending...I'm not a very good actor...