I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Birdy77]

Hi Narelle,

Just popping in to give you my moral support ... I just read your other post, sorry things feel hard for you right now.

How was your psychologist session on Tuesday?

You did really well writing 500 words the other day, that's awesome. How is the rest of the essay coming along? Did you decide to focus on any current issues? Remember not to panic yet, you still have 3 and a half days.

I'm here keeping you company and cheering you on.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Birdy, I appreciate you popping in to say hello 🙂

I just submitted the essay, but can't shake the feeling that I'll fail it and the subject. I even emailed the uni asking what happens if I do fail. My gut is telling me awful things at the moment 😞

Psychologist went OK, she said it's not the be all and end all if I fail a subject (she failed two in her first year). I guess she's right, but I dread the thought of it...I've put everything into this essay and for that not to be good enough...I don't know how I'll cope...

I'm just completely exhausted...Buddy had a sleep in until 9 and so did I, but it doesn't feel like enough...I'm constantly on the verge of tears and don't know what to do. (;'/......... -> this is Buddy saying hello!)

[smallwolf]

A lecturer said to me (and she was quoting a psychologist) that 2 hours of intense writing is better than 10 hours of fantasy study. That last bit is (fantasy study) is because I cannot remember the exact phrase she used.

The point is this... She said that intense writing means turning of ALL distractions and just doing your writing. Emergency calls can get through but NOTHING else. So if you allow distractions to get in the way, then your attention goes elsewhere and your writing is not as good as it could be.

Of course when it comes to this stage, she will have done all her readings and made notes (on a device).

The other trick you could try is... when it comes to referencing, when you do your writing, just include some sort of reference so that you know where it came from and can fill it out completely at the end. I will do it as a footnote myself, but she somehow does it in text. For example, she will use title and page number.

I guess a question I might ask you is this... which part of the assessment is most difficult for you? For example, is it the research? Or writing? Or (something else)?

By the way... I have done assignments when I thought I aced them and only got a pass. Other ones I think suck, and get a good mark.

Keep going!

Tim

[Birdy77]

I completely understand that feeling of dread and on the verge of tears, it's very unpleasant. I usually had those feelings after submitting assignments as well.

If you do fail the essay, there is usually a way to resubmit, people fail assignments all the time, seriously. And if you fail the subject, oh well, try again next semester (keep remembering your psych' s experoence), it really, honestly does not matter in the scheme of things.

I know that you know all of this rationally, but it's difficult, I know, to convince yourself when you're feeling the way you're feeling.

"Failing"at something is proof that you're trying ... it's you growing and learning and building on mistakes and screw-ups ... out of your comfort zone is where growth occurs, and you're in that right now, so give yourself credit for that (or how about even a high distinction for it, let's not be stingey 😉).

How about going through the words of comfort thread and writing down any that support your tired spirit, and blue tack them to the wall where you will see them? It really does help to read loving words to yourself.

I think today you should treat yourself, reward yourself for submitting the essay (and early as well, wow, I've literally never done that).

Also, how about you pop some of your new hair product in and go annoy the neighbours.

Thanks Buddy for the encrypted message!!

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Thank you Tim and Birdy for your posts, they made me smile when I feel like utter rubbish.

I'm expecting to fail this politics subject and told my psychologist that...so we will just have to wait and see. I will definitely have to utilise the uni help next time (and plan my time so that I have some to do so!!). I don't know what to do to keep my mind off of it, really. The having to work on the group project will help as will exam revision, but the rest of the time is the worry (at night etc). I also have to hope that I don't fail any other subjects, of course...I just don't want to fail, doing this whole uni thing is stressful enough!! The only reason I finished the essay early was because I had to - I've got other work I need to finish...

I'm not sure I've got the hang of referencing, but I always refer back to the uni guide. I do think I need to find examples and stick them up somewhere, I just don't know where to look. Generally I'd say the research is the hardest, but I'm sure I don't write in proper academic language either.

I'm going to have my tea at lunch time and crawl into bed...my brain is 100% dead today.

[Music_Freak]

I'm sitting at my laptop trying to get my brain around the last of the early brain development questions/assessments wondering if I can do it...my brain has been in a fog for days. I'm not even sure I can manage to post something, my head hurts...

Wondering what else I'll likely fail...what a good idea my going to uni was - NOT!!

I've just given up...I think the thread I was hanging by has frayed and is broken, too weak to tie in a knot again...

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

That thread has not broken ... it has been plaited and it will be strong enough for you to finish what you need to finish.

Please hang in there.

It will be ok ... see through the fog ... I know it's hard, but you can do it.

Thinking of you.

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

I woke up without a headache for the first time in days and I'm still struggling...I'm trying to write the last of these early brain development answers, a total of 3 and it's just not happening. I've already missed the weekly due date yesterday...I have to have them all finished by the 28th, I think. It's so tempting to just not bother...

How on earth am I going to get through another quiz tomorrow and then revision and exams?!?!

I've probably already failed the essay and politics subject...

[Music_Freak]

Finished one brain development question before I started to feel ill (I'm assuming it's stress), so two more to do after the quiz tomorrow and the dentist Wednesday morning.

I wanted to be finished before then, but my body has other ideas, clearly 😞

[Birdy77]

Dear MF,

I don't have much in the tank tonight ... but I just wanted to remind you:

Don't believe everything you think.

🌻birdy