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I'm really trying to feel better about myself
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I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...
I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.
My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"
My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!
I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land
I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...
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Thank you Grandy...I needed to read that post. It's been a horrid couple of days...
I'm feeling OK today, I guess. It's a yucky windy day and I still went and picked up my new glasses. I bused it, but needed the walk. I was going to do some shopping, but came home to Buddy instead. I don't desperately need anything, so it can wait.
I'm awfully anxious about Thursday, driving in unfamiliar areas and getting through the uni day. I don't do well with people and have no idea where the room is I have to find - all anxiety inducing!! I don't think I'll like it much, but I have to be there to pass. It'll be a case of one day down, two to go in November (the rest of the time I work from home).
I will have to get my healing crystal jewellery out and just do...oh fudge...
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Hi MF,
You did well getting your specs, do they look awesome with your new dyed buzz cut?
It's natural to be anxious about Thursday, but soon it shall be over and done with. Just try to ground yourself to get through the anxiety.
Can you downlo ad a map of the c campus? If you take a map on your phone and ask at the distance ed office or library, someone will help you, I guarantee it.
Youh will be ok MF ... we're with you and will support you.
🌻birdy
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Sat through a workshop tonight and felt dumb when I asked a question that nobody understood. I asked which of something you use, when you do both! I should just keep my mouth shut sometimes.
Dreading Thursday even more now after tonight...it'll be raining and I'll be stupid anxious about absolutely everything. I could cry. My stomach hurts and I'm getting a headache.
I wish I thought I could do this...
My glasses look OK, but they need better adjusting and I just can't go out tomorrow again. I should check the car tyres, but not sure I can do that either...at least the tyres don't look too bad.
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NOT COPING...AND IT'S NOT EVEN TOMORROW YET!!!
SOMEONE SAVE ME...PLEASE
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Dear MF,
You can do this alright?
You will be anxious tomorrow, and that's ok, it's to be expected. It is just an on-campus session, and a lot of it will probably be borin, but it's necessary for you to go, and by this time tomorrow it will almost be over.
Do you have a campus map and the room number you need to go to? If not, do that now online, or ring the distance ed office for guidance. They are used to people freaking out and needing help. They will understand and assist you.
Leave home tomorrow with at least 1/2 an hour up your sleeve for unexpected issues.
You will have your Mum on your shoulder.
All will be well.
Just Breathe.
Tomorrow never arrives MF ... We only have today ... right now ... So breathe, take yourself outside maybe? Make a cuppa tea? Ground yourself.
You will be ok.
Just take each moment as it comes.
🌻birdy
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Thanks Birdy, there you go talking 100% sense again.
I've got all the maps I need...just have to find somewhere to park (I can't afford the carpark, I've got $25 to last a fortnight...provided centrelink actually pay me).
I've been outside heaps with Buddy since he won't go out tomorrow and I made fried rice for more frozen meals. Now I'm in bed after a shower, just trying to rest.
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That sounds good, youve6had a nice warm shower and have dinner ready, Buddy will be happy having had so much outdoor time ... you're set for a good evening of resting ...Do you have a movie or episode of something to try to take your mind off your anxiety?
Remember it's absolutely normal and ok and expected to be anxious ... Just rude it through ... it will soon be over, tonight and tomorrow shall shortly be a memory, and you will have survived.
We believe in you!!
🌻birdy
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Oh boy...
SO GLAD TO BE HOME!!!!
The worst part wasn't even the uni stuff...it was the driving. I can't do it when I don't know where I'm going - at all!! I might be busing it in November - soooo stressful
I'll maybe write more later...should eat.
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You did it!!!!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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