I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I'm sorry Birdy, I should've been more appreciative of your post.

I'm just fed up with myself lately and am really to withdraw from uni and disappear from here etc. etc.

I've set my alarm for 11, since I'm even hopeless at getting out of bed. Any earlier would probably be pointless since I'm me.

All I did today was finally go for a walk and get bread after not having any for days. I'm hoping to go shopping on Friday, but being unwell with stomach pain probably means busing it. I'll have to go for a drive and check the tyres, or just start it, or something...

[smallwolf]

MF,

I sent a message to you last night, but my phone lost internet connection. And really, only the last part was important... Remember that you have been accepted into Uni. There will be lots of other people that did not get in. So they obviously think you are capable enough to do it. For the same reason we believe you can do it!

So... Repeat this mantra.... "I can do it!" Make it your screen saver. Make a sign and put it in your bedroom. Put one on the fridge. Each time you see the sign, read it out loud! Because...

YOU CAN DO IT!

Tim

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Tim...I will do that later today. Only I will see them, so why not.

That's true about getting an offer...I was convinced I wouldn't for a while.

Maybe I just need to start and then I might feel more capable. I will re-start my reading papers and stuff (not that I'm retaining anything) when my stomach feels better, possibly calling my GP on Monday since I will need more painkillers.

[Music_Freak]

Had an OK night's sleep and I got out of bed at 6:30, wrapped up like Michelin man so I can deal with the cold.

My sleep was broken but I think I've had enough, I woke up with a headache, so maybe that's a sign. Buddy is doing his psycho kitty sprints somewhat quietly. I guess he isn't launching himself off of my bed this morning. A new Halestorm song called "Uncomfortable" is getting a beating this morning...perfect wake up song 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hello MF,

Well done with getting up at 6.30am..I knew you could dO it..Ive been thinking MF that if we have something to get up for daily or certain days we do get up and manage the morning ok..Mondays and Tuesdays I need to get up at 6am, and I do it easily, but the other days I'm forcing myself out of bed. I set my alarm for 6.30 am daily but a lot of times I could easily stay in bed...some days I do..

What I'm trying to say is, I think once you start uni and you have reason to get up, you will do good..

lol I love your choice of wake up song...

Grandy..

[Music_Freak]

I hope that's the case Grandy...I really do. I had a long-ish nap this afternoon, but I did try to stay out of bed/awake.

I've set my alarm for 9am tomorrow, since it's Sunday and sleep ins are allowed on Sundays. Hopefully Buddy co-operates 🙂

I'm planning on doing the trial run drive to the uni on Wednesday, hopefully petrol is cheap enough by then. The weather's meant to be OK, I should try and enjoy the drive, but I probably won't.

[Music_Freak]

Well, I'm at the shops sitting outside Kmart waiting for it to open after being to Coles for a few things - at 7:45am - AND I drove - yay me!!

Feeling a bit blergh but Buddy needs food and Big W have it cheap. I'm getting into uni mode with Kmart, I need a new keyboard...start date is getting even closer now...YIKES!!

[Music_Freak]

I'm on antibiotics for a uti and my stomach hurts. I'm sick of feeling like crap...and part of me is wondering about feeling OK for uni...

I put $27 worth of petrol in my car so getting there on the 19th shouldn't be a issue, but feeling well enough could be.

I just don't know what to do anymore 😞

[smallwolf]

Is music a good distraction for you? I already know (?) your favourite artist, so why not play an entire album. Me... I would have Barren Earth, Opeth, Alkaloid and Obscura on rotation.

Tim

[Music_Freak]

It can be, I'm just kind of miserable lately...I'm sick of being in bed so I might try it today, for a while at least.

I realised that today is the 1st and I'm freaking out about that a bit...I can't help thinking that me and uni are going to be like oil and water...

There's a study skills workshop online on Tuesday and I've forgotten how to access it. I feel like I don't even have a brain lately...