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I'm really trying to feel better about myself
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I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...
I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.
My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"
My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!
I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land
I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...
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Hello MF
Its okay to stay in bed every so often..
I hope you got everything done that you wanted to get done..., .MF..I'm sorry that I made you cry...I didn't mean to...🌹...
Kind thoughts, ?.Grandy..
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It's OK Grandy. I probably needed the cry. I felt better after. Life is overwhelming me lately 😞
I did get around to cleaning my floors today and had Buddy in his leg tent most of yesterday so my legs are nice and sore. I weighed myself today, so am feeling pretty down as a result.
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I went for a drive and did some shopping at a Coles that opens at midnight and bought junk food.
I should never be left alone...
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I'm still awake at 3am, but I guess I did go for a drive...
I can't decide if I'm just bored or restless, or both...I'm thinking about uni a lot tonight and all sorts of scenarios are going through my head.
I looked at exercise bike videos on youtube earlier. I guess if I do one of the 10 min ones I've saved tomorrow, it's a start. For now I'm going to make a decaf cup of tea and try and get some sleep.
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Hi MF, how has today been for you ? I guess your feeling the cold weather - seems like most of the whole country is getting it. It sure is cold here, north coast, I only went outside very briefly.
So you went shopping in the middle of the night LOL. I’ve done that before. It’s an odd sort of a feeling to be in Coles or Woolies when it’s dark outside and almost no-one inside. Did you burn your purchases off on the exercise bike ?
Crying - it’s good that you got it out. Better out than in they say. I wish I could, but I can’t. Got close today for a minor reason, but could feel myself holding back even though I want to. I felt a bit scared of letting go for some reason - crazy hey !
You’ve done lots of Follow That Word etc. I know the feeling - just some little thing, a bit of amusement to fill a gap.
How are you going with your uni plans ? Making progress I hope.
Thinking of you MF, I read how you are struggling.
take care, Cala
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Hey MF,
I like your idea of the exercise bike YouTube vid ... is it like being in a cycle class thing at the gym? I used to do HIIT workouts via YouTube, but the little house I live in now shakes when I walk up the hallway, so I'm too scared to go feral with the workouts, it may crumble around my ears. The kitchen and bathroom are safe, but nah ....
I have been meaning to dust off the exercise bike in the garage ... maybe we can challenge each other?
A few weeks yet until uni, you have time to get yourself into a routine.
I like reading your and Cala's games, you're both clever with words 😊
🌻birdy
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I'm doing OK...barely...
It's cold and none of my prepping for uni seems to be sinking in and I'm stressing about how I'll be when I actually start. It may as well all be in Japanese the way I don't retain any of it!
I've set the alarm for tomorrow, to try again. I've planned a route to drive to the campus..now I just have to do it (and the trial run beforehand)
I haven't been near the exercise bike, so another failure 😞 I'm not feeling well, so maybe by the weekend. The youtube videos are basically like a class, so I'm wondering if I'll be able to keep up!
I just feel like giving up on everything right now...it's not good 😞
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Well, another day wasted...alarm set for tomorrow.
I'm beginning to think I'm just kidding myself with this uni idea...
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Dear MF
Not a day wasted.
A day spent:
- Cuddling Buddy
- Chillaxing
- Reserving energy for brighter days ahead
- Wwatching something so you don't need to watch it when you're supposed to be studying 😉
Turn that negativity around.
All will be well.
All is well.
🌻birdy
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