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I'm really trying to feel better about myself
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I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...
I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.
My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"
My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!
I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land
I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...
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UGH!!
Slept from about 4am-2...I'm going to have to force the issue a lot more, I think.
I heard the alarm today but just ignored it, stupidly because Buddy was curled up next to me.
I'll set the alarm for 10am tomorrow, that'll give me around 5-6 hours sleep...just enough to function for the day.
I can't stay like this...:(
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It seems I've now evolved into some kind of bi polar energiser bunny or something...
I slept from about 11pm-2 and that was it. I'm still in bed at 7:30 because it's freezing and wondering if I'll sleep any more.
Maybe my body clock is just finally trying to right itself.
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I dozed for a while, then stayed in bed listening to the wind outside.
I think I will start reading uni/study books in bed tomorrow, while the weather is awful...can't delay it much longer...
I still think I've bitten off more than I can chew and the whole thing will be a spectacular failure, but I should try. My psychologist and members here have been a great help. I'm just not sure I'm good enough...
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While some degrees are different to others, I would think that Uni these days is less stressful than what it used to be. Where once they told you about the prospects of failing, lecturers want (?) to help you succeed. Remember to ask questions. Underline things that you don't understand. And you will do fine.
The fool is the person who does not understand and does not ask any questions.
If you are reading in bed make sure you don't fall asleep. Can be dry reading.
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Thanks Tim 🙂
I wish I had faith in myself like people here do in me...
Yes, I'll have to sit upright or something...maybe the sofa would be better, I'm not sure yet. Sofa makes sense, but I want to be warm also.
I just got an email from a lecturer about my having to go on campus for three days, the first day is mid July...it scares me. I don't do well with people, at all! I wonder if I'll drive? Maybe I should do a trail run like my psychologist suggested.
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Hello CM.
Youll do really well, I have faith in you, you need to start believing in yourself, we believe you can do it..
Always say to yourself that you can do it, because its that belief, that will start a process, that little by little, you will achieve and do it.
With saying this."I can do it". not only will you have more confidence in yourself, you will also be more enthusiastic, and you'll see that learning will become more easier.. Confidence is believing in yourself for a reason you wish to achieve.. and with this confidence/ belief, you will do it..
You have made a goal now for yourself, stay confident that you can do it...this is just one goal which is hiding behind a lot of other goals which together they make your ultimate goal and successful career....that will be achievable... You can do this MF..take one day at a time..one page at a time eventually those pages will become easier for you to learn...
MF. Maybe a trail run would be ideal..are you allowed on campus now, just to give yourself the feel of it, that way when you start in July it may be easier for you...
I hope your Night is a good Night, and your in bed and asleep at a reasonabley early time...
Kind thoughts...Hugs...xx🤗
Grandy..
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I don't know what to say Grandy...I can't really type through the tears anyway. So I will reply better later.
They're somewhat happy tears, but reading what you wrote made me think that it was a sentiment my mum would have if she was still alive.
I'm trying to believe in myself but it's so hard with only my psychologist and here as any kind of support system...I wish I had SOMEBODY!!
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You do have somebody Music-Freak - you have lots of bodies, unfortunately you just can’t see them. They are the virtual army that is there for Grandy and everyone else and of course the virtual army is here for you too.
I’m sorry MF I’m really tired now, and can’t write much more, but I do want you to know that I believe in you too, as so many others on this forum do. Please be encouraged by that.
Fan the flames 🔥🔥🔥 that made you want to do this in the beginning.
You can do it ! 👍🤗😘 Cala
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I was in a full blown panic last night...there were lots of tears and they didn't want to stop. I just hid in bed today, ignoring the world. I feel completely drained now.
I have my alarm set for 9am tomorrow and I have doubts whether I'll bother getting out of bed...I have to though, I need to clean my floors and be a normal human being who does things. I'm incapable of that lately...maybe I should aim for midday, I don't know.
Thank god for the BB forum...if I didn't have here to whinge to where would I be?! I know people here care and I'll be forever grateful for you all.
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