I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for your advice Tim, it's much appreciated, as always 🙂

I'm doing a bachelor of social work, but am currently enrolled in a social science degree, which offered mid year entry and is the same as social work for the first 2 years - I even found that confusing! Oh dear 🙂

I am excited, but very nervous at the same time, so keeping my anxiety in check is tricky, but going to start doing yoga in the morning with regular home workouts on exercise bike and mini stepper) to hopefully become regular again down the track as well.

[Music_Freak]

Just bought my first textbook...and anxiety has hit, big time...

I have major anxieties about spending money/savings, always have, it's like I can feel my safety net disappearing or breaking and I can do nothing to stop myself from falling right into it

This thought about how I'd like my life to be, that I mentioned to my psychologist, is getting scary real now and I'm even more petrified...

[Music_Freak]

All this semesters textbooks are bought and I freaked out about spending so much savings. I'm not sure that it will ever be replaced at this stage...it was a case of bye bye Halestorm tour fund. I have other money, just not sure what to do first at the moment...

The fact that I have to ring Centrelink again is stressing me out!!

Does anyone have any idea how long per day I'd be studying, even though it's online? I'm doing four subjects and they're 4,5 units each. Is that considered full time? That what I told Centrelink. I enrolled in every subject on the enrolment advice.

I just want to maybe sort out a study/life planner, if I can, before I'm thrown in the deep end, so to speak...

[Birdy77]

Hey MF,

Spending savings can be scary. You are investing it in your future and in your wellbeing, so try looking at it positively.

Four subjects will be full time I'd say. In my experience, this will mean "studying" (ie listening to lectures, taking notes, doing the set readings, engaging in online tutorials, reading-for/preparing/writing assignments) for several hours each weekday. 4 subjects is a fair amount of work.

Don't freak out though. It is achievable, just chip away at it day by day and you will be ok.

You should be able to sell the textbooks after and get some dough back. Did you join the co-op bookshop?

🌻birdy

[Music_Freak]

Didn't join the co-op yet, ran out of available money. I did join Student VIP, which is where I got my books from, plan to re-sell on there. The prices seem reasonable enough. Do you think it's worth paying to join the co-op later on?

Several hours each week day - yikes-a-moon-doe!! Geez I hope I can cope with it, yep, I am freaking out...I haven't had that kind of work load since high school!! 9-3pm, five days a week...that was 20 years ago!!

One day at a time...

[Music_Freak]

I mowed my lawn and tidied the yard a little and have made 2 pots of pea and ham soup which are simmering on the stove.

I'm exhausted.

Really starting to doubt me managing with uni today...

[Music_Freak]

Can anything happen when you don't have an in case of emergency person listed on your file at uni? I put my sister there to be able to enrol, but now I've just put “No name because there is no one”. Which is true, I've got zero friends and have to cut off my family completely from now on. I just get too upset even texting with them, like I did tonight and they're not worth it. Makes me think I've got PTSD about the whole thing...and my mum's death too.

I guess I just hope nothing happens on campus, the few dozen times I'm there over four years. If I miraculously don't fail miserably or give up and drop out. If I'm home my cat will be able to eat me, but after that...I don't even get visitors but for package deliveries.

What a great “existence”...

[smallwolf]

MF,

In relation to study times it would be said that you spend about 10 hours per week per subject. The reality is that you you will spend somewhere between 3 and 10 and that includes the lecture itself. There will be some subjects that you won't bother to do the readings for.

As an aside... On reading papers for assignments... Read the abstract, introduction and conclusion. If you cannot get an argument from that, you can consider filing the paper in the bin. If those parts make sense, read the remainder of the paper. It can be a good time saver.

Lastly, not sure if this works for you, but many texts can be purchased in electronic form. Ie kindle. I prefer physical books, but have also purchased kindle versions as well. Kindle versions are much cheaper compared with actual books.

[Music_Freak]

I don't even understand what the abstract, introduction and conclusion are with regards to reading papers...maybe I just have to see one, perhaps? I looked at ebooks, but I only have a laptop, so not sure how practical they are. I prefer physical stuff too, books, CDs etc.

My brain could just be more than foggy tonight though...had a pretty emotionally draining evening trying to text with my sister.

It was an epic fail. I ended up in tears and told her to not bother texting me again. I always knew I was always alone constantly and bullied enough to not really enjoy associating with people. Sister and father gone from my life as of tonight. I was going to force one last effort out of me at Christmas, but no, SO NOT WORTH THE STRESS!!

[smallwolf]

You can also read eBook on your phone.

In case you are interested...

Abstract is a short summary of contents of paper.

Introduction is the first section in paper. Ie on first page

Conclusion is that bit at the end of paper or book.

You will be fine. There should be an orientation day for the Uni. You might be able to attend that? They will show you around the library, how to do assignments etc. At least that's what I found last one I attended.