I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I can't really explain how I'm feeling today,,,just "off" is what comes to mind, it's weird...

I just posted in the home improvement thread after an absence. I really don't know what I'm doing with anything like that, but since my dad only really wants to help one of his daughters, I have no choice but to do it myself or pay someone to help. It makes me sad...I'm not even angry about it anymore.

Thanks for saying you are proud of me with doing the uni stuff. I'm terrified by the whole exercise but want a job/money, so trying to stay with it and not run the other way. I'm still not convinced anything will sink in the way my brain feels, but it has to at some stage, right? In the meantime - my poor lecturers and uni support staff!!

I've got the dentist in a few hours and I really can't be bothered with it...the getting there, the paying for it (when it's possibly their fault). I just want to hide in bed all the time...life is too much/hard

[Music_Freak]

I'm back from the dentist and hoping my teeth are better now, even though I don't feel like eating to test them out...I never feel like eating lately...

I'm actually worried about buying this place, the plumbing seems iffy (I guess there's an inspection or something I could pay for before jumping in to purchase) and my neighbour...oh god...the cranky old person who hates me and is a giant pain in the butt and trouble maker. With them around I'd have NO chance of selling, they'd cause hell for me and there is no chance of reasoning with them, they're way worse and beyond idiotic...I'm not sure how I'd tackle the whole situation.

I'm thinking of buying here to get into the market but with "them" next door, I'd have not a hope in hell of selling and moving away to somewhere maybe better. I'm not convinced that's even an affordable option for me anyway (single, not the highest income etc. etc.)...

[Ggrand]

Hello Narelle,

Neighbour's..yeah..my neighbor next door yelled at me the day I moved in here..

You will have time, maybe you never know in a years time you might find another home you might want to buy..the internet is a great way to look for them and a good distraction when depressed to do so...if your saving or a deposit you might decide that you will wait and save a bit longer to get something else..just my thoughts..

Im pleased your dentist visit is over with today, but you need to eat, even if it's small amounts you need nourishment to keep you well.

I know you will do well with the uni. You have goals, wants that's the incentive you need to get yourself out there.. We all need goals and your goals are life changing that's Gold.. You'll do good, things will sink in and teachers and lecturers are there to help make sure it does..you only need to ask them, they are usually patient people and understand..

Have faith in yourself Narelle we all have faith in you.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Grandy

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

You were talking to Quirky about ear-buds being awkward, I presume when you are trying to get to sleep. You can get small flattish 'pillow' speakers (they work just like headphones or earbuds) you can put under your pillow or a blanket. I got a new pair for my partner for under $10 from a local electronics shop.

I too think you are going to do fine at uni, most courses you do not have to be a genius, just keep plugging. As Karen says the staff are there to help you pass. If I can do it you can.

Croix

[Emmy.]

Hi Narelle.

It’s good that you got back to the dentist. Hopefully that’s all resolved now and you don’t have to go back for a few months.

Buying a place sounds exciting! When you buy you arrange what’s called a “pre-purchase building inspection” before putting down the full deposit. Once that report comes back you decide whether you want to proceed (at same sales price), ask for a reduction of sales price to allow for the repairs needed (or have the current owners have everything fixed prior to settlement) or you pull out of the sale all together if too much works are needed. What sort of works would you do at your current place. Oh I love real estate hehe. Do you watch any of those property shows on tv? Neighbours can be the worst (and sometimes the best). Perhaps she might move in that time. Or you might find another house you like, or different area you want to be in. Exciting to plan though.

You mentioned you’re not eating at the moment. Narelle you have to look after yourself hun. You need to eat. Do you ever have ready meals in the freezer for convenience. I actually do lite n easy so I don’t have to cook and that way I know I’m eating something nutritional. Hubby always eats at the restaurant so I hate cooking just for myself (plus no energy or desire). Just a thought.

What’s planned for you tomorrow?? xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for the inspection info Emmy, I only had a very vague idea about them 🙂

The dentist said give me teeth 2 weeks and see if there's still pain - hopefully there won't be any! I have a hygienists appointment on the 4th, but that will be it if there's no pain.

I want to basically do cosmetic stuff like painting, turf, new flooring, carport etc. But I've also got a few bigger ideas like kitchen and bathroom basic fixing up, but we'll see with costs of those, might be too expensive.

I do watch a lot of the American renovation shows that are on 9life. It's exciting to plan/dream...I just need to start making money (HATE living on centrelink!!)

I do generally cook and freeze meals, but just not interested in food really. I have a chest freezer almost full of stuff, but not much inclination to eat it. Toasted sandwiches are my go to lately, so my sandwich press is my best friend.

Calling centrelink is my only plan for tomorrow, really. Might do some house reno research or how to do uni assignments googling (just in case an offer comes).

[Music_Freak]

Had a bit of a nothing day today. I'm probably just posting here because I'm bored and I'm getting a bit paranoid about this thread being boring.

I've decided to leave the uni work googling until Monday, thinking I should try and get into weekday/weekend living, rather than having it all random and doing whatever, whenever. For when I'm working and need that riutine (look at me being all positive!)

[Emmy.]

Oh sorry hun, that’s my fault for not replying. I’m sorry. Your thread is not boring, your thread is you and I’m here for you.

Routine is good isn’t it... I like your idea of keeping weekdays and weekends separate. Weekends can really be your down time, for you to do something nice for yourself.

Sorry again xx

[Music_Freak]

Turns out I'm drunk typing while 100% sober! Hence “riutine”. Really, I just hit post too soon 🙂

My arms are sore from carrying timber and colorbond roofing off cuts home from a construction site for garden edging. Hopefully I can do it. Probably not the best time to decide to spend the weekend moving furniture, but I've been putting it off and it has to be done (before uni maybe starts).

Sick of feeling bored and have to make an effort with this place, whether I buy it or not. Been feeling far too apathetic about how I live...

[Music_Freak]

DO NOT be sorry Emmy, there's no need. It's just my paranoia/overthinking talking...but thanking for coming here 🙂

Whether it's down time or non work stuff, I want to feel organised in my own head - I've even just set my alarm - for a Saturday morning!!