I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

Sorry, it has taken me longer to get back to you. Uni work is picking up more now that it's week 3.

I went out with friends over the weekend. It was a late one haha. Crashed a little afterwards but nothing too bad.

4 loads of washing on Sunday? Mad props to you for productivity.

Ah it does sound like a break from volunteer work is a good thing for your stress levels. Gives you a bit space from having to think about it for a couple of weeks.

All the best with the cleaning job tomorrow!

Dottie x

[Guest_322]

* I meant week 4 haha. Wishful thinking that it's still week 3

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

Would you mind if I made a suggestion?

I'll build up to it 🙂

You can think of kids that live in a home environment where they are constantly criticized -no praise, just put-downs. Parents, for whatever reason, never missing the chance to stick in the unfavorable comment.

Not good for them, in fact all of that all the time can do real long term harm.

Here in the Forum here are a couple of names I see all the time where I felt sad, because the names are unkind. It was a constant reminder to the owner of bad. (Can't Move Forward was one)

I guess by now you can see where I'm heading...

Would you ever consider changing the name of your thread? - 'IJW' would do at a pinch, as it could mean what you've got now, or something else - room for improvement I guess. That way whenever you go to your thread you are not being like those parents and putting yourself down - even if it does not register on the surface.

I'd be grateful if you would give it some thought. There are times when a negative can set me seriously right back - at a time when I'm most sensitive. I'd imagine you might be the same, and, like me, can use all the advantage you can get.

Croix (who has his flippers crossed)

[Croix]

P.S. I forgot the most important thing -sigh. (brain=mush at times)

The thread name is simply not true - you have great worth - despite whatever you sometimes think about yourself. I admire the strength you have to keep on struggling despite great adversity. Even when victory does not come you try again. No one can ask more of a human being.
-C

[Music_Freak]

Thanks for replying Dottie, it's OK, I know you're probably busy/stressed with uni 🙂

The interview went OK, I may have something when all my clearances come back, IF they're OK with no referees (my voluntary work supervisor can't do it because I haven't been there regularly enough - bitten my own foot off there 😞 Damn...)

Thanks for the suggestion Croix, I'd never really thought about the thread name, but I can say I was one of those kids, except with my mum, I don't remember her ever putting me down.

I'm happy for the thread name to be changed, just not sure to what, or how to do it. Maybe “Really Trying” or something would suffice?

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

I'm delighted at your choice of a new threadname., it will indeed suffice:) Your post above will be enough to get things started.

Thank you

Croix

[Croix]

Dear Narelle,

Please press the 'Report Post' link beside that post and make the request to change your threadname to "Really Trying" -or whatever you think suitable.

Ta

Croix

[Guest_322]

Hey Narelle,

Lovely to hear from you again 😊 fingers crossed for the job! Whatever the outcome, I hope you're proud of yourself for going to the interview. Awesome effort!

I haven't slept very well. Work doesn't need me to come in today, which is both good and bad. Pro is that I can work on an assignment and con is less money.

Anyway, I'm going to head to the uni library soon to work in that blasted assignment (groans loudly)! Hope you have a good day!

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

I'm really struggling today. I feel like I want to scream, but know that it's pointless. I can rant and yell all I want and I'll be called "bent like my mother" by my dad, it's goes with the being called fat I guess. It's happened before, it'll happen again, because my family are, well, pigs (no insult to pigs intended) but quite frankly, the lot of them sicken me.

Thankfully, I only really have the dreaded family gatherings twice a year, so that's twice a year I get to stay home with my cat. I'm done giving them anymore of my minute energy reserves. I've tried in the past, but I've got nothing left.

[Guest_9809]

Hi Narelle,

I am one of your infrequent posters, even though I've followed your story all along.

I really wanted to congratulate you for the new thread title. Good option ... much better than the old one. I like it, much more positive and something to aim towards.

And while I'm here, I am sorry that you have the misfortune of having family who do not understand and whom have no intention of trying to understand you. Unfortunately we do not have the luxury of choosing the family we are born into. Thank heaven for Buddy. (-:

Oh, look at that ... I am your 600th post. Plus I have just hit the 600 personal posts as well. Mmm, interesting.

I hope your weekend is as good as it possible can be.

Taurus xx