I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Today was OK, just long, with SO much waiting. I'm exhausted now, but can't snooze, which maybe means I'm over tired now, but it's only 8:30pm so we'll see how the night unfolds

They said at the dress appointment that I was wasting a much sought after oportunity with not going to volunteer, and they're right. I've totally effed up

I have to go in on Tuesday and present myself better

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

Waiting seems to slow the clock. Time just moves at snail pace.

Well, next week is a chance at a do-over. As long as you keep trying, you're on track and it's something to be proud of as effort counts for something.

It has been a bit of a rough week this week. The novelty of being back at uni has worn off so I have spent most of this week avoiding people. But as luck would have it, naturally that's when I keep bumping into friends in lectures and tutes ha, ha.

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

I've spent most of today trying to get the crease out of the pants the dress place gave me, after I let them down...it's slow going with vinegar, I've given up until tomorrow

I don't know how I'm going to get through Tuesday, but I'm probably overthinking it because it's stuck in my head already

I'm sorry you feel like avoiding people, I've certainly been there

[Music_Freak]

Well my long weekend began with realising another two pot plants had disappeared from my porch, one went a few weeks ago.

I've now moved them all out the back, so need to buy an umbrella for more shade. I'm thinking of a tiltable cantilever one, but it's another expense when I just got a $270 monthly electricity bill...

No wonder I hate people

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

It's a right pain getting your plants pinched, were they particular favorites?

The reason I posted was to say I bought a umbrella like you described with a big water-fillable plastic base for $10 from a thrift shop. You never know your luck. All I have to do is ignore the John Deere logos all over 🙂

Did the crease come out with the vinegar?

Croix ( who is talking light subjects at the moment to save grey matter 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Not particular favourites, I'll miss the pots more than the plants themselves...but still annoying as hell!

I'm still not sure when I'll get an umbrella, I'm hoping with winter on the way, the afternoon sun won't be an as big an issue.

The crease is almost out 🙂 I'm keeping my fingers crossed that with wearing shoes and the slight resulting bagginess means nothing will be noticed. I'll try it later today (it's 4am and I'm unfortunately awake)

There's not a thing wrong with talking light subject matter 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Back to volunteering tomorrow, I'm trying to feel OK about it.

I'm going to have a shower and make my lunch later...so I'm less anxious and all that.

[Croix]

Dear Narelle~

Come to think of it I bought my umbrella a in the winter - a good time I guess.

Do you mind if ask what sort of volunteering you do? Please don't feel obliged to answer if you don't want to. I'm just being nosy:)

Hopefully you'll get some rest tonight

Croix

[Music_Freak]

I do admin/office work. It's pretty good really, but I feel awful about not being in for months.

I always seem to want things and then screw them up. I know I'm going ti

[Music_Freak]

Seems I screwed that last post up too.

I was going to talk about how nervous I'll be and not knowing what I'll say when I get in the door and hoping I can cope