I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

I've signed up for the worlds greatest shave and shave my head on the 18th.

I even fail at raising money for charity. My count is at $60 and half of that's from me. I've asked if I can put a donation box up at my voluntary work place...maybe that'll raise $10 if it's allowed...

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

Good on you for participating in the world's greatest shave! What a generous contribution and wonderful cause. Great stuff, Narelle.

Hey, even if half is from you, that means you still raised the other half. That's nothing to be sniffed at in my opinion. Solid effort and a wonderful achievement! Well done.

No harm in asking your volunteer place. I say go for it 😊 Also, I'm glad your appointment went fairly smoothly.

Trying to improve your sleep patterns is an excellent starting point. Sleep can have such a profound effect on our mood so it's great that you are trialling the alarm clock and potentially bringing your GP on board. Expert advice from a dr can be great for improving sleep related problems.

I've had a pretty laid back week as week 1 of classes is generally chill. It's mostly intro lectures and housekeeping (e.g. lecturers telling us not to use our personal email accounts to contact them because it will go to spam, blah, blah).

Tutes start next week so it will interesting getting to know some of my classmates better. I've already met some new people this week so that's pretty cool. I don't know them too well but new faces are a good distraction for me sometimes.

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Dottie, I'm actually looking forward to getting rid of all my hair, it desperately needs a cut and I won't have to colour it for a while 🙂 I made the mistake of comparing myself to others and their totals, I guess...I was never going to make must knowing almost nobody.

I haven't heard back from my supervisor about the donation box, it's not a big deal either way

I've been awake since around 8:30 (it's now 7pm) so I'm quite pleased, although very tired. Hopefully I can keep it up and go volunteer on Monday, without too much stress.

I'm peeved about the Wednesday appointments that I was going to spread out over two days, they kicked up a stink about it and said I needed a doctors certificate (by 4pm) if I wanted to do it, so there's no point as my doctor is 10 mins away from the morning appt, plus I can't always get appointments at that short notice. So it's going to suck, big time.

The one good thing is that they can get me driven to the afternoon place, which is an hour away, so I don't have to worry about getting myself there.

I'm glad uni is going OK for you, I think you're so brave to be doing it, I doubt I could

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

I think it's awesome that participating in the world's greatest shave has the added benefit of making your hair more low maintenance.

You sounded much calmer and peaceful in your last post. I'm hoping this more peaceful state continues for you.

The coming Wednesday is looking to be a potentially hectic day for you. 2 appointments in the one day would be very draining and stressful. I'm glad at least travel won't be a big issue...one less thing to worry about.

Thanks, I appreciate the compliment 😊 I don't know about brave but I'm certainly bull headed and strong willed (stubborn, stubborn, stubborn) ha, ha.

I still haven't read my unit outlines yet but will definitely do it over the next couple of days. I have a quiz and a reflection to write- nothing major- but I'll also have to complete those over the next couple of days. I've just been taking it easy what with it being only week 1.

Well, I'm confident that you would have the aptitude for uni. I guess timing, finances and mental health issues just haven't quite panned out, that's all. It's a reflection of your circumstances and not your ability.

I might check out some op shops later today for some Autumn/Winter sweaters. Alas, I'm STILL lazing around in my pjs!

Dottie x

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, my hair is pissing me off lately so I'm looking forward to it being gone. I do feel a bit calmer, so we'll see what happens tomorrow. Hopefully I can manage to go in volunteering

Nothing wrong with lazing around in pjs 🙂

[Music_Freak]

Well, I didn't go in to volunteer, but said I'd be in tomorrow (again!), but I'm feeling kind of OK about going in, the headache/migraine stopped me today

Doesn't look like I'll make any more money with the greatest shave, I can't get donations from where I volunteer, because any fundraising can only be for them. I understand it, but boo!

I should be doing stuff today, but feeling super lazy, I've only taken Buddy outside twice

[Emmy.]

Hey Hun. How are you?? Sorry I've not yet replied to your message on my thread not been feeling too well.

Wow worlds greatest shave - go you!!! That's awesome. I've always wanted to do it but no brave enough. Wish there was some way I could sponsor you but understand we can't put personal details up here.

How have you been? What are you up to lately. Last time we spoke you were doing some works around your house, have they all been completed.

Hope you're well. Big hugs Narelle m. Emmy x

[Music_Freak]

If you search for Narelle on the worlds greatest shave website, I'm the last one, you might recognise me in the pic, I'm not sure. You can colour an outlandish colour (with hair spray), maybe that's an option for you? 🙂

Thank you for visiting my thread, I read in yours that you weren't well. Are you feeling any better? If not, I hope you do soon 🙂

My house improvements are going very slow, and still incomplete, but my dad did finally put up the shade sail - yay. Next up is a shower screen, then I'm back in the garden, since the weather is slowly cooling down

[Music_Freak]

I didn't go in to volunteer again. I'm beginning to hate myself all over again 😞

I've got an upset stomach and I don't know whether it's because I'm actually sick or just anxiety...

I said I'd be in next week...

I've got a full day of appointments tomorrow, so I hope I'm not sick. I'm going to drive there early at about 8:30am and shop (or maybe sleep in my car), go to the appointment...and then the next two and somehow make it through the day and get myself home around 6pm.

I'm already feeling like I'm not going to make it...

[Guest_322]

Hi Narelle,

The upset stomach doesn't sound pleasant at all. Hopefully it eases up soon.

Hey, I think your intentions are good when it comes to volunteering but the execution is the struggle. I know it doesn't exactly help how you're feeling but if it's any tiny consolation, today has been and gone. Next week is a chance to try again.

Tomorrow is your long day. I guess it's good that you have planned your day out so you know how you're allocating your time. Maybe take it easy tonight and do something nice for yourself to buffer against the long day tomorrow.

I have had a long day at uni. Completed a quiz and wrote my reflections between classes. Nothing major but at least it's out of the way now. Might read one of unit outlines tonight after dinner.

All the best tomorrow.

Dottie x