I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

Oh sweetie of course you miss your mum. I miss mine and I'm not even sure who she is/was. I hope you have some lovely memories of her to enjoy and laugh with her about and maybe even cry about. Better to get this stuff out than leave it festering inside.

Good work on the carport and the driving plan, go girl!

How great is it that you can see improvement by being on the site, there is a nice feeling of security about BB. Families, ahhhh. I heard someone say once to someone I love very much... that you can spend the rest of you life resenting your families treatment of you. Or close them down and move on. It seemed really harsh at first. But it is exactly what the person did. They have the odd moment, but mostly metaphorically stuck their finger up at a few people and moved on. I was very impressed.

Hugs, xx (Hi Buddy, strokes)

[Music_Freak]

Sorry I haven't been commenting on everyone's threads, but I'm feeling a tad overwhelmed today.

Calls are coming in from people about this carport and I'm letting the answering machine get them.

I think I'm down to two places, but I'll need to let them have a look at things...horrific thought. Another horrible thought is having to call them back and actually paying (I have a bit of a phobia of all this)

I just don't seem to know anything of be capable of doing anything. This whole exercise seems like an epic fail

[Wednesday]

HI,

Oops, you sound overwhelmed today. Back to first principles one step at a time, eat, exercise and sleep well.

You can call them back later. Its easier on the phone you can cut conversations short by saying there is someone at the door or some such thing.

What it you make a plan for the net week, one thing per day that you are going to do and make yourself do it. You can do it and will feel better for doing it, achieving is great for confidence building.

XX

[Music_Freak]

Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I'm going to organise the carport and delivery etc. tomorrow and then after that, I'm not sure.

Haven't decided whether I'll drive or not, going to see in the morning. If I feel like I do right now, it's a no. I'd like to try, but it's an extra stressor, so I don't know if it's worth it

[Wednesday]

Hey there,

That sounds like a great plan, you can do it!

xx

[Music_Freak]

Decided that I won't drive...I just had tea a little while ago and it nearly came back up

It's on the list for next week because I need cat food. I guess that's OK

I'll take sleep meds tonight and hopefully it'll still have a slight affect in the morning

Anxiety makes my feel more useless than normal

[Wednesday]

Every step counts. xx

[Music_Freak]

I guess so, I just wonder why I do this to myself sometimes...

[Guest_5218]

Hi Narelle. Just very briefly checking in on all those I care about.

Read about your carport arrangements. Good for you!

Why do you do this to yourself you ask? Because you can of course. And because its something you want.

Just follow it through. You know you can do it. Proud of you.

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Sherie

Well, I've ordered the carport, and checked out vinyl and pavers while I was there. I didn't drive but since I nearly fell asleep on the bus, it was probably best.

Driving next week...