I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Wednesday]

Good on you for persevering with MYOB it seems like a common package and should be useful. I get the forcing yourself to do something. I try to do one thing a day, but I am also so extremely effective at not doing the one thing. I guess there is no accountability so it doesn't matter if I do or don't do anything.Umm very bad attitude, working on it!

Do you get along well with your doctor?

Do you actually need the car? It seems to cause you more stress than its worth. If your comfortable on public transport why not stick to what works for you? Just asking...

xx

[Music_Freak]

I don't have a close relationship with my gp, just go when I need to really. I can talk to them though

I don't really need a car, but I only got my license last year, so I bought one just so I'd drive. I use it for shopping mostly, which is awfully handy, but lately, thanks to my dad not helping with household bills (yes he's an asshole), I have no money to shop...

I can barely afford public transport either because of him, so maybe its a blessing in disguise about voluntary work...or maybe I'm just telling myself that

[Guest_1055]

Hey Narelle

Not to worry about not being able to attend the volunteer admin work.:-)

I wanted to let you know that I really liked what you said about "doing something that is of worth today", I think you were talking in regard to doing some study on the MYOB though.

Anyway your words have given me a little push to do something that is of worth today. So I am choosing to do some chores around the house, for I know it would please others and be a benefit to them and me.

So feel encouraged dear Narelle, as you just saying those few words as actually been of worth to me. So there you go you have done something that has been a benefit and a worthwhile thing to someone else today......and you didn't even have to force yourself.

So thanks heaps!

Love

Shell xx

[Wednesday]

Sorry Narelle, I haven't read back in your thread, so you may have talked about all this already...

Have you chatted to your GP about medication?

Your Dad sounds like a real piece of work. Do you have any other relies around for some sort of support?

When you do your volunteer work do you get anything good out of it, even a little something?

Sorry about the twenty questions, you don't have to answer of course. I'm going to take the fluffy one for a walk and then try and bath him. Umm next time I write I will probably be very wet!

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

Awww, thanks Shell 🙂

I'm on medication, but I'm wondering if I need it changed or something, I'll ask the next time I'm there (might be next week...maybe I'll drive)

Yeah, my dad is a “deadbeat dad” for sure. I can't stand him or my sister. Nope, no support since my mum died...so nearly a decade 😞

I feel like I accomplish something when I volunteer, seeing a pile of papers getting smaller is always a nice feeling

[Wednesday]

Hi Narelle,

Happy has had his bath and and I had and incidental shower, he always gets me despite all my efforts to avoid the shake!

Sounds you have a plan,

• check your meds, I suspect they could do with a change bets to double check with the GP and
• volunteer in an admin area.

That makes for two very positive steps. How do you go about finding volunteer admin work?

I wish there was someone around for you. I'm sorry you lost your mum that must have been really hard for you. Did she have any family that you could approach, I know it's a while but you are still a part of their family too?

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

I'm hoping I won't have to find any. I already have one place, and I'm hoping when my centrelink exemption ends at the end of August, I'll get put in an admin place for work for the dole...hopefully I'll cope with it

I use GoVolunteer (in case anyone else is looking), it takes me months to find a place normally. Most want you to use the phone which I can't do (anxiety trigger), I'm getting better doing it, but not there yet

My mums family were horrible to her, so she barely saw them (history repeating itself much?!) so it's not an option.

A friend would be nice, but no, not for me...maybe I havent lost my only internet one, but it's very iffy right now.

I dont know how to even make friends...it never works out

[Doolhof]

Hi Narelle,

Today is Friday already! How did you get on yesterday? Did you manage to get to your volunteer job?

I had an AGM to attend last night and really didn't feel like going, but managed to get there in the end. The meeting went well and then we had a social time after. I quite enjoyed myself in the end!

Sometimes it is just the thought of going to a place. Once I am there I am okay.

Hope it went well for you!

We have some sunshine here to day, so I might venture out in the garden. After my sinus Op I am not supposed to be doing anything too physical nor bend over, so guess I will sit and enjoy the sun and watch the weeds grow...bigger and bigger! Ha, Ha.

Cheerio

[Music_Freak]

No, I didn't go, I've arranged to go next Thursday though...

Hopefully I go, I don't have much faith in myself or anyone else right now

[Lost_Girl]

Hey Narelle,

Here is a hug for you.

Don't be too hard on yourself. I suspect you need your meds changed too so I hope you are able to get to see a GP. It's the illness that makes you think bad things of yourself. This will be contributing to all the negative thoughts and would impact making friends too.

Friendship is a give and take situation but some people can't cope well with a lot of negativity. I think once you get some help for how you're feeling you will make friends far easier.

Perhaps with your internet friend try and focus the conversation on her to start with. Take an interest in what she has been doing. Ask questions about her life and family etc rather than talking about you just to start with and see if that helps.

I'm glad you booked in to try again next week. Just take it day by day. You'll get there.

I hope today is a better day.

Carol xx