I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Guest_5218]

Hi Lisa, and welcome to BB. You are doing the right thing by responding to an existing thread that resonates with you. Then whenever you feel confident and ready to entrust us with your own story, then start your own new thread. Usually start in the introduction area, but if you'd prefer to you can also go straight to the individual section which is most relevant to your own personal, eg Physical Health, Depression, Young People, etc. I will look for you around the threads later, and hopefully see you around.

Narelle - I know today is a big day for you. I hope you got some sleep last night and feel rested and ready to go this morning. I dont know what time you start, so I hope I have caught you before you leave home. Enjoy your day. I'll be thinking of you. Hugs

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

I didn't go in...so yeah, I'm a failure.

The stomach pain got bad and I ended being sick, which was great with no sleep.

I emailed and asked if I could come in next Thursday, maybe I should have done that too begin with

I'm in bed, hiding, trying to get my head interested in taking Buddy outside

I really shouldn't be here...I hate myself. No wonder people hate me

[Guest_5218]

Morning Narelle. I'm sorry you didnt feel up to it today. It doesnt make you a failure though, you will try again next week, and next week you will make it. Try, and try again, eventually you'll get there.

Dont hate yourself Narelle, there is nothing about you that would warrant any feelings of hatred. I know thats hard for yourself to accept, but thats the nature of depression. It lets you believe untruths about yourself.

Hope to see you around later when you come out of hiding. So dust yourself off, and we will all be here to build you back up again to try again next week.

Here for you Narelle.

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Sherie, you and everybody else who has posted in my little thread have been far too kind 🙂

I'm up and out of bed, although, still in my pj's, I'm hoping to open MYOB later and maybe do an hours worth...in an attempt to make today worth something.

I did take Buddy outside, so maybe that's enough

[Wednesday]

Oh well, next time it's not worth worrying about.

Hope your feeling a bit better,tummy things are a pain... literally! Sorry about meritocracy!

Buddy make sure you are looking after Narelle, cuddle up.

xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Wednesday...here's hoping. It's not a nice feeling when you made yourself ill with something which is somewhat preventable (anxiety), if that's what it was

I'm just trying, pretty unsuccessfully, to not focus on what I didn't get done today...

[Wednesday]

Hi,

Remember to breathe, no not hyperventilate! There is no point in focusing on the negatives they'll just make you feel worse. Emmy has a good idea she tries to change the negative into a positive, what would that be about today? I see you mentioned some already in your reply to Sherie.

By the way, I've done the same thing. I managed to get to a new job only to arrive and throwup in the toilets five minutes later, oops. They kept me s it was all okay.

Did you say you've worked at the salvos before?

Hugs, xx

[Music_Freak]

I was there for a day on work for the dole, had a major meltdown when I got home and when off to the doctor for a medical certificate that some week. Hated it, can't do retail at all.

Turns out I can't do much but admin at the moment (not that I'm doing any at the moment, but let's be positive...), everything else sends me into a panic. The thought of doing that maintaining a bowling green had me in tears too.

Must have something to do with hiding behind a screen or something...so appropriately me...

[Wednesday]

There's nothing wrong with admin. Is that what you would be doing at the Salvos? have you had a good experience working in admin?

xx

[Music_Freak]

The salvos was in the store...horrific for me

Admin's just something I seem to be able to cope with OK...

Saying that, my attempt at opening MYOB was abandoned (I'm back in bed), its my plan for tomorrow...and maybe I'll drive a tiny bit on Saturday

I hate having to force myself, but that's my life lately 😞