I'm really trying to feel better about myself

[Music_Freak]

I don't know where to start with this, there's so much in my head right now...

I've got nothing, but my cat...no job, no friends, far from a family priority etc. etc.

My mum died 10 years ago on 26.2 and I still miss her so badly, she was the only person I had who was in my corner. Everyone else (family, friends that currently aren't talking to me) say I play the victim and am all "woe is me"

My sister's said I look like a silverback gorilla and other such things. She's a bully who gets away with it all, because she's the favourite and "normal" (kids, married, no mental illness - although I have doubts about that last one). My dad's called me fat and said that "You're bent like your mother" (she was bipolar). He lives with me and getting him to do anything is such a battle, he doesn't feel like paying the rent, so it's left to me, goes to work when he feels like it, helps my sister with her house but won't with me etc. etc. etc....I could go on and on with them!!

I have a GP and a psychologist that I should go back to (sessions are free and they're within walking distance), but I wonder if it's worth it when my psychologist said me running an instagram account for a celebrity is me living in fantasy land

I won't write any more, because I can't see anyone replying. I've got nothing and nobody and just want to forget...

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Sherie 🙂

I guess I let expectations get the better of me, with friends. We used to talk on Facebook daily and to have that ripped away from me and knowing it was more than likely my fault hurts...I should never have depended on her so much, I guess it happens when you don't have anyone else (she's married)

Me and friends just don't mix. It's my place to stand by and observe my not very nice family have them and everyone else for that matter, while I slowly die inside.

She's said to me that "we'll see" later on, but I think I already know what we had is gone. I'm not even expecting to hear from her on my birthday in November

Just thinking about it makes me upset

[Guest_5218]

I'm sorry Narelle. It is always hard when we lose touch with someone we once considered a good friend.

But life changes daily and sometimes for reasons unknown, and probably unrelated to us, we lose touch with people. Thats just a process of life in general. Life moves on, it has to.

It is most unfortunate that you do not have a sympathetic family. Indeed you dont have a family who even support you, and thats really hard. But it is more a reflection on them Narelle, rather than you.

Dont hang back expecting to reconnect with your former friend, it may not happen. She may well have pressures in her private life that prevent her being able to spend time with you. And its possible that she has her own personal issues with mental health which are isolating her to some extent.

But dont let that prevent you from forming new friendships. You are a good person Narelle, people will see that and be drawn to you once they get to know the real you. Give people the chance to see you for who you are.

Sherie xx

[Music_Freak]

It doesn't happen with me, I'm the person that's good to talk to while people wait for their friends, or I'm the awkward third wheel

I've lost count of how many times both have happened...I don't think I have the strength for it anymore

As I said, I stand by and watch others and wonder exactly what is so defective about me

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

There's nothing wrong with you Narelle other than you don't value yourself enough right now. I have found that you need to like yourself before others can really like you.

You mentioned that the friend you worked with said you were negative a lot. One of the things we mention here to people with mental health issues is that being around negative people can hinder improvement. Perhaps that's why she felt the need for distance.

You are very hard on yourself when you write about you. Perhaps we can work on making a change in how you think about yourself.

One of the girls on here Emmy was taking negatives and turning them into positives which I thought was a great idea.

If you want to try this, write your posts as you would normally, then go back and anywhere there is a negative comment put a line under with it written as a positive instead.

Try and think about all the positives about Thursday too lovely.

Big hugs for you. Sherie is right in what she says about you being a good person etc.

Kind thoughts,

Carol xx

[Music_Freak]

I still have a headache, had it since about 2am, it woke me up and my stomach hurts...I have pain meds so it's not going to stop tomorrow hopefully (not unless it's REALLY bad), I just wish they'd go 😞

The friend I mentioned here has finally read our Facebook chat and has liked all 3 of my Instagram posts from today in quick succession. I make them hours apart so maybe she's been on my page...

Is this a good thing or not because I'm just feeling confused (as well as sick - yay...just going to try and not think about it), maybe I should message in the morning or over the weekend?? I'm not sure...

I've just got to get through tomorrow's 5 hours...

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Carol, I know I should be more positive, but I don't know how... I don't really know much, do I?

I just feel stuck and useless...

I will try and write a better reply later if you visit here, but right now, everything hurts 😞

[Wednesday]

Hey Music,

Just dropping by to wish you good luck for tomorrow. I'm sorry to read that you are feeling rough. Don't forget to breathe... slow deep breathes counting in for four and out for four always helps me. I closed down my Facebook page because it was driving me nuts. Facebook likes are addictive, but not overly useful are they. Too many apps to look at twitter, instagram, Facebook, whatsapp etc. Don't let them get to you, its not worth the stress. Buddy is with it though!

Strokes for Buddy and hugs for you. xx

[Music_Freak]

Thanks Wednesday, I only really use Instagram and Facebook, and the latter is getting sporadic.

Buddy's curled up at my feet, falling asleep slowly. He might curl up next to me later when he gets cold 🙂

I think I'm ready for tomorrow, but for having my clothes out ready, luckily they're all clean (I live in pj's when I'm home)

So here goes...in 12 or so hours

[Lost_Girl]

Hi Narelle,

Wishing you a good day tomorrow. I am sure it will all go well.

Carol xx

[Lisa1]

Hi music,

i have just joined beyond blue today so don't really know how it works or what to do. But your post moved me. It seems as though your taking on a lot in your life and I feel your pain. Please know there are a lot of people out there who will support you and I am one of them. If you need a friend, or just someone to talk to I'm more than happy to be there for you. Love and kisses to you xo