I feel alone and I don't like the life I have

[mg24]

Hi, this is my second thread. I just have some other feelings I kind of wanna talk to someone about. (i'm 14)

I feel really alone. I don't have a best friend, but I don't have any other friends either. I hang out with this group but only because I've been with them since year seven and I don't want to look like a loner. There aren't really any people I can hang out with from my grade, I've definitely tried looking. It also feels like everyone thinks I'm a loser, people don't want to text me or talk to me at school. I'm part of two sport teams and I still can't find anyone. I know that friends will 'present themselves in time' and all these other things but I don't want to be alone for four years. I don't want to have to keep my feelings to myself all the time and never be invited anywhere.

I also went to England last year to visit my family and I miss it so much. My family can't really afford to go often but I feel like my family is missing me grow up and there are so many things and experiences and relationships I want to share with them. I can't go during two week breaks because we generally go for three weeks plus and I can't miss any school but my mum says that the six week holidays are too expensive and we won't like the weather. I tried to get there another way by going through a student exchange to just escape for a bit and experience something new and meet new people, but my mum shut that down. I've tried coming at this at every angle all my mum says is that I need to get over it and look at what I do have and stop being s negative but I don't know what there is to look at! I have no friends or social life, I personally hate Australia (no offence), and I'm going through some really hard feelings alone so I'm not sure what great things she's talking about. I don't want to do this life anymore, I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. I also don't want to waste four years of my life, especially my teenage years. My parents say that if I'm going through something I should tell them or just someone except I don't have anyone to tell and they always ignore my feelings. I told my mum I wanted to move after high school and my mum said she would never forgive me if I did. I cry almost everyday because I want to go back so badly and she knows how much I miss it, and she's still saying this. I don't want to have to move away and never see her but I hate it here. I have no idea what to do or where to go.

[mg24]

Hey Cloe/ everyone. 😛

today sucked. I was just dreading school so much, because couldn’t stop crying. I talked to my Mum a little in the morning but I need to have a proper conversation with her. She asked if I wanted to talk to someone but honestly all I really want is to be able to tell her how I feel so she can understand/ try to. What are your sessions with your psych like?

hope your day was okay, how are things with your best friend going?

[Chloe_M]

Hey again

i have yet to see my psych lol, I am seeing her on the fifth of June. Will let you know how it goes.

ah my best friend... Things are going okay, however he is very obsessive about his gf. We are close friends again but I'm worried he's going to leave me behind because I am a girl and he has a gf. I'm scared I'll lose him.

About wanting mum to understand... It's the same with me. Whenever I try to talk to my mum she just ends up getting angry at me and saying that I need to not exaggerate and that I'm putting stress on her. She apologises later but still. She's scared that there's something wiring with me. Something really wrong. She said the other day when I mentioned the voices in my head telling me that I'll forget my dances before I go on stage and that I'm not good enough, she said that I'll talk myself into a psychiatric ward. Weird.

hope all goes well if u talk to mum x

[mg24]

Hey clo cool that will be good to hear about. You know tbh if he’s so obsessive about her in front of you he’s being a jerk he must know that it’s hurting you. Also is the term voices metaphorical. I mean I he you have that voice but I think everyone does. I do. Maybe your Mum thinks you’ll become scizophrenic? Hope your day goes well x

[mg24]

Hi Grady. Thanks for checking in. I’m feeling... empty. It’s kind of like all the things you have in life fill you up( metaphorically, not actual things like cars, clothes, ect) and I feel like there aren’t things filling me up. Things like friends and family (extended) that aren’t presenin my life 😕 idk if that sounds stupid. I have Naplan today so I guess I don’t really have to talk to anyone. Thanks again for asking 🙂

[Chloe_M]

Hi 🙂

Yeah he's being a jerk, if you saw my thread i said what happened between us today, but i'll tell you anyway. so basically, i woke up really depressed, so i texted him because he once told me to text him if i was feeling suicidal and we could talk. So i did what he told me and he got annoyed at me for 'being like this'. He told me i was done with it. I said i was done too. He responded but i haven't yet. I'm tired of him making me feel like i have to apologise for being like i am. Its his fault after all that im like this.

Do you think this is turning into a toxic friendship?

How did naplan go yesterday and today? And good luck for tomorrow, maths is my weaker point so fingers crossed!

xx hope today was okay

chlo

[mg24]

Hey clo. Honestly I do think it is a toxic friendship. If he’s being like that about whether or not you choose to keep living then he’s really not doing his duty as a friend. What did he say that you haven’t replied to yet? Maybe I can help x Honestly less drama is key so if yo want to break things off pretty easily just don’t get mad be the bigger person. But then I also think you need to let him know he’s going back on his word. Lol I’m not help I just think you shouldn’t blow up but it feels better when people know how your side. Ugh naplan was so boring I suck at math.

I’m starting to feel really stuck. Like I desperately want a different life in the UK and I know you should never think like that blah blah blah but it’s not like I already have a good life that I should be happy with. I have no social life, guys don’t like me, I just don’t like it in general. God I just don’t know what I’m going to do for THREE years ://

do u need to talk about why you were feeling so upset? X

[Chloe_M]

Hey how did you go today? I sucked at maths (of course) i just cant do maths under pressure!

No you did help trust me. I should tell him he's breaking his promises he needs to think next time he makes one.

😞 lots of people would say don't wish for a different life but honestly i do everyday and i practice what i preach so im not going to tell you not to do that. I have a good life from many aspects, but i have a bad life from just as many other aspects.

I guess im upset because ive been like this for like 6 months adn im not any better, im worse. Im going to a psych for the first time on 5 june but thats aaaages 😞

xx hope you were okay today

im holding out for the day you say 'today was actually okay' 😉

[mg24]

Hey cloe.

Today was okay I guess. I hung out with this a different friend at the library and helped with his history assignment. And in class me and some friends all just joked and around. A girl I know thinks I like one the guys though, and I mean he’s good looking and nice but I try not to like people when they won’t like me back. I just don’t want her to tell people and for rumours to start. I also went out for dinner with my Aunty.

But everything’s so frozen and I just can’t put into words how much I want to be in England. I realised something, and it was that I think of England as home not here. And even if we go next September that more than year away from “my home”. I don’t know how I’m going to cope and just keep going 😕

i get the six months things. It’s been about seven for me. This idea of missing out on so much time with my family just destroys. I mean seven whole months. My mum just doesn’t understand and we can’t move and I don’t know what to do and i need to tell my mum but I so scared of telling her

Sorry I just talked about myself how are things going for you? 🙂 was your day okay?

[Chloe_M]

Hey sorry for the late response i am super busy atm. just writing a supr long paper about ww1. Glad that ur day was ok tho, is an improvement even if its small.

this ur thread u talk about urself dont apologise.

u may notice i am speaking in text speak lol, am very buys but thought i would respond to ur post.

i am getting goldfish again this arvo YAYAYAYAYAYAY i love fish and am somewhat an expert 😛

hope u have enjoyed ur weekend xx

chloe 🙂

ps all those things u did, dinner with aunty and laughing with friends it made me happy 4 u even if u think it not much. hang in there x

[mg24]

Hey.

Dont worry about taking a while cause I totally get being busy with school stuff. Getting a goldfish sounds cool. I used to have fish in year five. I went to England and when I got back they’d “mysteriously” died. Not gonna lie my weekend was pretty bad. I felt so lonely and my mum keeps mistaking me not wanting to talk much, ect as being mad. She also said like I should do something but going to the movies with your Mum and your little brother really isn’t that fun and I will still have no friends at the end of the day. Her not understanding is just making me feel worse and more isolated. I just... i need to something while I can’t be in England, I don’t know what I’m going to do if I have to just do nothing day after day. I dread going back to school every night. I hate it there. I don’t think you should live your life that way.

Thanks for being so supportive. I’m trying to hang in there, but I’m not sure how long I can just do nothing because I’ve reached this point and it’s just staying the same. 😕 how are things going for you?