how do i get started im so confused

[willdo]

not sure how , were to get involved with the forums. please help

[willdo]

Hi Sarah,

Whatever works with untying the knot in the stomach. i'll even give it a go myself.

With Debi , we agreed with physiologist that she drags me along every time she goes to shop. this lasted 2 days and fill by the wayside.(3 weeks ago ) its my fault as i don't push the issue. he's not going to be happy next time i see him.

With dinner i used love cooking. (i worked from home for a while ) i used to criticize Debi for not putting enough "LOVE" into her meals.

off course i lost interest over the last few months and the poor girl has to cook after work.

with kids getting older (and very spoiled) we find it hard to know what to cook, "who is on a diet this week" " who doesn't like this meal" "who's home tonight for dinner" , it drove Debi nuts she hates cooking.

with dinner tonight i'm going all out "Spaghetti and Meatballs"lol

William

[Aaronsis]

Let me start with spaghetti and meatballs..YUM...one of my all time favorites, I have been eating plant based for three weeks now so not something I am having but certainly a huge hit.

OK so how about trying to remedy those shop visits and the next time Debi is off to the shops you go with her. Untie that knot, tell that anxiety that you have a point to prove to yourself that you are strong and that you can go and you will go.

I get what you mean with the kids and meals, although I should not complain, mine are not too bad and sometimes my daughter will eat vegan with me and I have to cook a steak for my son..lol..but usually they are not too bad. My son is in his second hour as we type of his first day of his first job so I am dying to know how that all goes for him, I haven't had a call to say he has thrown it in so I guess that is good..lol

Another thing that I do sometimes to calm myself and regroup and just to get some clarity back is the rule of 5:

note 5 things I can see

note 4 things I can hear

note 3 things I can touch..and yes touch them

Note 2 things I can smell

taste 1 thing I can taste

This might help too at the shops or when you are out and feel totally overwhelmed it just helps you come back to the present and to the now and to focus and to know everything will be ok, what do you think about that one?

Hope the meatballs are going well.

Hugs

Sarah

[willdo]

Hi Sarah,

How are you , hope all is well.

Hope your son went OK at work yesterday with no problems.

Yep, i didn't go to the shops again. i'm starting to get annoyed about it . i used to go by myself almost every day till few months ago. its only few minutes away. spoke to Debi and will try again. not sure if its all Anxiety or part motivation.

I woke up so tired , not sure if its the medication. i had lots to do around the house till now. Debi is working the afternoon shift again and she got dinner ready before i dropped her off. shes works at the hospital and its impossible to park in the middle of the day hence i drop her off and one of the kids picks her up.

I read your post regarding community Champion . Very impressed with all the things you are able to do at one time, and so sorry to hear about your brother.

I just cannot wait to feel better, enjoy a day, hopefully soon.

thank you for everything you have/are doing for me. nothing but gratitude

William

[Aaronsis]

Hey William

That is so lovely what you said to me about the Community Champion role. I do take it really seriously as I do care, I want to be here to reach out to people and I need people to know that there is hope and there is help, that sometimes the hardest part is speaking up. Thank you for your words about my brother, it has been the hardest thing in my life and not only his death but now seeing my father just broken and trying to make sense of all of this, if that is at all possible.

I do genuinely care about you too Will and I want you to have a happy life, to shut this anxiety down and to be able to have a day when you feel like smiling and feeling joy and doing what ever it is that makes you happy. You will have that Will and I will be here as long or as short as you need me to be. I just hope I am helping.

Dont look back, dont beat yourself up for yesterday, just focus on today. Yesterday has already happened and you can't do much about that, tomorrow hasn't happened yet so we can't be worried or overthinking what may or may not happen. Just today, so do what you can in this moment, just one step and then another. It is hard but with some support Will we can do this together.

Debi is on afternoon shift today, is there something you could make with the ingredients in the house for the family for dessert? as a surprise even? that will keep you busy and make you feel good about you.

Try to be patient if that is possible with the meds and tell yourself that it is time and it does take some time. Try to tell those other voices to "BE QUIET" they are not required today. Give yourself some joy and have a win.

Huge hugs as always

Sarah xx

[willdo]

Hi Sarah,

How are you, hope all is well.

Although i was on antidepressants(20 years) and before that on some others for OCD or anxiety since my mid twenties . (only few years ago lol), i realized over the last few days that i never experienced major depression as i am having now. All the past treatment were for panic attack- anxiety disorder or OCD. Never felt this low continuous mood.

Over the years Alcohol took care of my OCD , whilst avoidance and quick fix medication looked after my panic attacks.

I can't help but wonder if this depression was triggered in October last year as i stopped working (not by choice ), change of medication and the prolonged worry about post operation fainting episode.(which i obsessed over almost every day).

Today is quite as usual, doing the odd chore , I woke up feeling better than yesterday which is good. i wanted to do one thing positive, i ended up going to the chemist to pick up script i dropped off few days ago. The anxiety was there big time. instead of saying well done for doing it , i was almost in tears on the way back . kept saying why is it so hard, it shouldn't be this difficult. I know its selfish but i look at people and wonder why i can't be the same , just going to the chemist! they setting down having a coffee and here i am trembling away.

I've gone from a clown to this miserable person over time. My drinking, gambling made sure i lost or did not keep any friends , just family . Been sober (no gambling or smoking either) for a while , i gave up all my coping addictions which i'm sure is adding to my low mood. but going back to them is not an option.

thanks for caring.

William

[Aaronsis]

Hey William

So sorry for the late reply, yesterday sort of got away from me a bit.

I was so very glad to hear that you got out of bed yesterday feeling better, even though you have been feeling pretty bad I feel like you are having some really great learnings about how you are feeling now compared to other times on different medications and that you can identify that you are feeling different and this is all really good stuff, while the journey is still underway, it is happening!

I agree regarding the events of October, with the change in meds, the change of working and absolutely the fear of fainting would have absolutely had an impact on your mental health, absolutely. I think that it is also really great, if that is the right word, that you can identify the situations that have perhaps contributed and so that you can work through them.

I get that you are feeling down for not feeling like you "should" be able to go to the chemist and you "should" be able to do this easily and it "shouldn't" be this difficult...says who??? you are going through a journey William and you are having a rough time and the "shoulds" just place unrealistic expectations on you. I know you look around at others and just as they are looking at you, you don't know really what they are thinking and how they are feeling and they too..just like you...might be doing one thing today to get through to make and achievement..just like you...so you just never know really.....if I had a wish for you William it would be to be kind to you...you did it yesterday, you went to the Chemist, it took every ounce of courage but you did it, you are to feel proud and pat yourself on the back!

I am so very proud of you that you have given up the alcohol and the gambling, this is massive and such a huge achievement, and also you have to think that the tools of the past that you have relied on to cope and to mask the pain and not there anymore, and while this is a huge positive it is also really hard to manage and to get through, you have to find new tools and hopefully being here and chatting is one of them now. I am so proud and happy that you said that "going back to them is not an option"..that is so awesome!!

I care so much William and I am so very proud of you, you are coming along in your wellness journey and you are choosing life and choosing you and this is wonderful.

I hope today brings something great to put a smile on your face too.

Huge hugs as always

Sarah xxx

[willdo]

Hi Sarah,

Not much new to post today. another day of home alone (except for my father in law ,he stays with us but stays in his room most of the day).

I did miss your reply yesterday but that's selfish, you have a life to attend to as well.

what days will you be at the tennis? i just put the TV on for the first time in weeks and trying to watch the tennis. (Barty is playing). cannot sit still and get lost in the game as i used to. in the past i used to even watch test cricket for hours. rugby league was my favorite not that girly game you guys play in Vic.

Bit Anxious today, not sure what i can come up with to do today. No cooking tonight , takeaway.

My son who has OCD pretty bad (only came out and started to talk about in September last year), sees a psychiatrist today , GP put on on medication already . Another thing i forgot to mention why my symptoms started around that time as we were really worried about him and i took the blame for his OCD . My other 2 kids have it as well but under control thank God.

Hope you have great time at the open .

William

[Aaronsis]

Hi Will

I am so very sorry once again that I did leave you feeling alone and were needing some support yesterday, my day got really busy and didn't have the time like I usually do to jump on and chat, you are not selfish at all, you need some support and that is totally fine, I am around today so chat away!

I am really looking forward to the AO over the weekend I am there tomorrow and Sunday so will be quiet on those days as I will be chatting to people and talking about mental health and hopefully raising some awareness and collecting some donations and selling merch, maybe even see a bit of tennis too. I really enjoy it and I enjoyed the match last night with Nick K...he is so talented but also a reminder too that the power of the mind can really impact you, when things start to wobble he really becomes effected.

ohh I love a takeaway on Friday night, although now that I am doing plant based and essentially just eating a vegan diet (this is week 4), the choices are somewhat smaller...perhaps a good thing!

I am so happy to hear that your son has an appointment and I really hope that goes well for him too, it is a positive sign that your other 2 are able to manage well in this space so there is no reason he will not be the same.

I hope that you do know that this is not your fault Will, these things happen and while it is sometimes genetic it is still not your fault. Things happen in life and people suffer mental illness and people have broken bones and the flu, it is never anyone's fault...you surely did not choose this for your children!!! I understand that you feel like this but it is life and sometimes things are handed to us, sometimes things appear but we do the best we can to manage and seek help, casting blame is never a helpful solution, just causes more pain.

Do you have a good relationship with your father in law? Could you go grab a coffee together or take a walk? That might be something nice to do together and get out of the house for a while? Is that an option?

Girly game....really!!..lol...I am a huge Geelong supporter and I love my AFL, I assume that is what you are referring to...lol...I love it and I actually don't get the rules for your type of ball game...no idea what that is about...lol

Chat soon Will

Sarah xx

[willdo]

hi Sarah,

Me and father in-law don't really have a social connection at all. (we talk and get along as we have to). Its sad as we used to get on really well before he moved in few years ago. You don't know a person until its a full time under the same roof. (don't get confused but my mother in law lived here for 26 years , she is in a nursing home now).

With regards to coffee i didn't mention another thing i was asked to slow down/give up. i have mine black and really strong , down to 1 cup (from 5)first thing in the morning.

So No smoking, drinking , gambling and coffee. what have i done lol.

William

[Aaronsis]

Hey Will

Ok so the outing with your father in law is not an option, I am sorry that you don't get along as that could have been a nice thing for you to do together and to get out as well as support each other, but that is so very true, you really don't know someone until you have to live with them for 24/7 and see their whole character...that is why I will encourage my kids to live with a prospective partner pre vow taking...just to ensure they know each other well.

Wow you really ought to be congratulated, no smoking, no cigarettes, no gambling, no alcohol and no coffee, you are amazing and see how strong you are, that is an enormous achievement Will, you should spend some time thinking about how much strength and persistence it takes to stay away from those things and you have...now we just need to find some things to put into your life so you can start to get joy and happiness from life and see how wonderful you are.

Perhaps you can start to explain the rules of rugby to me so that I can at least have some clue about it...I have no idea!!! Why on earth would you throw the ball backwards.....WHAT...it makes no sense!

I will be thinking of you today with the appointment for your son, I hope it is successful and he feels supported.

Sarah xx