Help

[Fiasco]

I think I'm going crazy. Can someone please help me?

[Fiasco]

Thank you. I will have to try asking. But honestly, most of my friends are working, and the ones who aren't live an hour away and have such little ones that they're stuck to their schedules of staying at home and sleeping and they really are finding it hard. I'd go to them, but when I've tried it's just been way harder.

i tried years ago to get his parents involved, but they made it clear that their jobs came first and any time they managed to help me was such an inconvenience to them and not to be expected a regular thing. And really, I actually don't want their influence on my kids.

Yes, nothing has changed from hospital, except now I know that asking for help makes things worse. I have learnt that I have to just keep on keeping on, and just do what's gotta be done. I can't rely on anyone except myself.

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco,

I'm really worried about you. If nothing has changed since you went to hospital what is stopping you from going downhill again?

If his family are useless and you can't approach friends or your family then what about paid help? Is that an option financially? You cannot do this alone (well you can I suppose but it will end up hurting you).

Can you sit down with hubby and make a plan? What small things would help you? Help cleaning? A regular appointment with a health professional? Talking with a support group one evening a week when the kids are asleep? A hobby/sport to attend while hubby stays home with the kids?

Noone can force you to make changes but if you don't stand up for yourself and make your needs known and aknowledged then I am seriously worried about your health.

What do you think?

[ci]

Hi fiasco

I hope it's ok to just chime back in I haven't been on here for awhile popped back in today reading your posts I just had to reply to you!

You really struck a cord when you said

Sometimes I feel like people who had no support themselves are like, "well I never had help, so why should you?"

It rings so true to me so many people act this way but also on the flip side this is a problem for me when you have had hard time growing up and gone through a lot on your own you tend to survive and not ask for help not put your hand up and say I'm here and I need help this is something I'm working on.

Your story has so much to it you have been through so much and you are doing great to still be getting out of bed everyday and caring for your kids. I know how hard it is when you just want to hide in your room and you so exhausted but the little people in your house need you and your there for them please don't sell yourself short you are doing an amazing job!

I have kids and my first has anxiety issues my second health issues i spent a lot of time at docs and learning about his condition on my own as hubby was working. I blamed myself for my eldest son anxiety because of my mental health but I have come unrealize it's him it's not behavior learnt from me he been anxious since the day he was born.

We took him to therapy like what you doing with your daughter best thing we did for him he so much better it's amazing difference.

This post to you probably makes no sense I just read your thread and can't believe how much I relate to your posts made me not feel so alone hopefully you knowing someone else feeling similar helps you to.

Please be kind to yourself it sounds like so much happening for you and it's overwhelming take each hour each day at a time. It helps to make it all not feel so much.

[Fiasco]

Thank you Ci. I appreciate it.

and thank you Quercus. Today's been better. Trying to focus on the good moments. this year I started dance one night a week after kids go to bed, and hubby does music lesson the next night after they go to bed. It's great for us individually, but does take away from our limited time together. I've found dance challenging and stressful, but also really positive. I can't easily get or of it because I've paid so much money lol, and I'd let down my team. So if forces me to socialise and interact with people whilst challenging myself. At first I felt worse because I felt like I was hopeless and was letting everyone down (we do a lots of competitions apparently and it's very focused on that), and guilty because I couldn't remember the steps one week to the next. But once I relaxed a bit and stopped worrying it's been better. I stopped trying to be perfect and just tried my best. And although I always wish I could bail, once I get there I'm always glad I made the effort.

[Quercus]

Hi Fiasco!

Hope you're having another better day! How are you all feeling? Everyone on the mend?

What kind of dancing do you go to? I wish I could dance but I am so uncoordinated and can't follow the instructions at all. I remember trying Zumba and Body Step and Yoga and thinking how on earth do people follow the movements? Even copying my friend next to me she had to slow it all down and I still couldn't get it haha. Two left feet unfortunately 😊

Anyway I'm off to take the kids on a playdate but will talk more later on. Take care of yourself.

[Fiasco]

I've started calisthenics this year - never done in my life before but my girls started it and I wanted to be a good role model omg! It's like a mix of ballet and gymnastics and acrobatics.... I am enjoying it, but using clubs and rods is a bit beyond me ATM lol! And because I'm the smallest (only 150cm tall) I'm the one who gets lifted and thrown around. Wish I could do the splits and handstand etc but no luck yet.

[Quercus]

Far out Fiasco! That is awesome! Good for you! Talk about making an effort you're a great example for your girls!

Plus it would be keeping you very fit! And busy. Man I wish I had your energy!

[White_Rose]

Hello Fiasco

I wrote to you twice yesterday and each time hit a button that deleted the whole post, so I decided to try today instead. Wow! Dancing and callisthenics, you must be really fit. I always wanted to learn line dancing so joined a group. I enjoyed it and was starting to get the hang of it when I fell out of the bath and broke my kneecap. Took a while to get fit again so joined a meditation group and never went back to dancing. Sad really as it appealed to me.

Sometimes it's good to pay fees upfront for an activity which then forces you to attend because you would otherwise be 'wasting' the money. Learning to relax and go with the flow makes it so much easier to learn and I gather you are talking to people there. Great stuff.

I am really sad about your comment except now I know that asking for help makes things worse. I have learnt
that I have to just keep on keeping on, and just do what's gotta be done. I can't rely on anyone except myself. Using your energy to stay upright instead of growing is not good. I understand your experiences have made you wary about reaching out, but remember you have reached out here to BB, and I think you have found this helpful.

You have told us your husband does not support you and claims your thoughts are incorrect and all in your mind. Well he's right that your thoughts are in your mind. Where else would they be. But incorrect and misinterpreted? I don't think so. Because he has not experienced your problems it is difficult for him to appreciate how it is for you. But if he cares for you he could at least make an effort to trust what you say. Does he think hospitals admit patients for no reason? I really am at a loss with what to say.

My brain seems to have turned a bit mushy lately with all the pain killers I have taken and I cannot remember if you receive counselling from a psych or some description. Sorry, I know that sounds horrible, but that's not how it's meant. So do you see a counsellor? I think you need a long term person such as a good psychiatrist to help your regain your feeling of sense-worth. It's not a case of everyone has problems so put up with it. We do all have difficulties at times, but not constantly. And your difficulties are just that, yours. No matter what happens in the lives of others you are worth while and are entitled to ask for and receive help.

Please look after yourself.

Mary

[Fiasco]

Hi Mary,

im seeing a psychologist at the moment.

having a hard time at the moment but I'll be ok

[White_Rose]

Hello Fiasco

Thanks for replying. I think my brain is getting more unmushed which is good. Can you write about what is happening for you? Sometimes it does help.

Take care.

Mary