Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[CMF]

Thanks Moon,

Yes one day they will be over all these hormones...and then little miss will start hehe. Thank you for the positive vibes. If it doesn't work out I will apply for other things. I am ready, so ready.

cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

42 degrees. Yik. Popping in to say hi. My social schedule is going nuts lately hence I’ve been quiet.

Hope the hormonal teens stop their angst .... or at least curb it.

v.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I am firstly happy to read about the job you applied for, that is great. Hopefully something comes of it. Sounds like it was put there for you to see. How have the kids been the past couple of days, not long until school starts again so that should ease the load for you.

How hot has the weather been recently, looks like more on it's way too.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

How are things going? I haven't heard anything about the job but that's ok. I have gotten to know the ladies at a department store ishop at and one of them told me last year when i am ready to give my resume directly to her to pass on to the manager. I saw her today and told her would do so in a week or so when little miss starts school. She mentioned the manager likes to see the people handing in their resumes so i will be sure to dress nicely. I'd be really happy to meet the manager actually. The guy working at my local coffee shop is leaving tomorrow so i told them today if they are looking for anyone I am available school hours however they need someone who can start at 7am. Anyway, if that changes they know I'm available. I will also ask the RE agent again, now that I am ready it may make a difference and I'll keep looking. I am really keen to get into it and i feel ready, the time is right. I may even put something out on FB if anyone knows someone looking and I also know people in other department stores so I will have a word to them. Kids have been ok. My son still a pain. I buy and cook foods he likes but he says he doesn't want them and just has a toastie and complains i don't have food for him. Very frustrating as it means food gets thrown out. I give up, he can take it or leave it, I just can't win. He is just a negative person, always looking for the problem and nothing's good enough. One week to go of holidays. I went to the tennis Monday night. I Had relatives here from interstate, they had a group booking for the tennis but some people couldnt make it so they offered myself, sister and nephews a ticket so my nephew and i caught up with them Monday night. It was great, I haven't been for years. I'm a big Federer fan they bought last minute tickets for the day session to see him and when we got there at 5pm one came out and gave me a ticket to go in so I Saw a few games of him. I was so overwhelmed. My nephew was to have a go but it was last set and my cousin went back in and mix up with tickets so he missed out. I felt really bad for him. It is going to be hot next 4 or 5 days, may ave to go to the pool again.

How have you been Jay? I noticed you haven't replied on your thread so hope my thoughts didn't upset you. There is no pressure to reply but i am here if you want to write back on your thread.

cmf x

[CMF]

Blaaaaahhhh was going good but just scrolling through FB and was triggered. So annoyed with myself. Hopefully i can shake it off. I don't want to go backwards now they are going back to school. Was feeling strong and confident, andbin control, now i feel drained. So annoyed with myself.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

What happened on FB that made you get triggered?

I am glad about the positive outlook on the job front, that is great, you just need to keep applying for jobs and doing what you need to do to get back into the work force, handing out as many resumes as possible is great and I am sure something will stick. Try and meet the manager of the department store that way you are front of mind when they decide to look through the resumes.

Your son is giving you such grief, I can only look back and say I was most likely like that when I was his age as well, just got an attitude problem which does eventually go away but just takes time. If he doesn't want to eat what you buy that is his problem. My dad would never of bought exactly what I want that is for sure.

Sorry I haven't responded on my thread, you most certainly have not upset me, just struggling with it a little but, will reply soon.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

dont want to talk about the fb thing. This particular thing is always a trigger for me. I just u want to let it fade for now but thx for asking. I'm a little anxious in general as school starts back next week so the routine changes again. I'm worried about my son feeling anxious when he goes back and nope little miss settles in ok. My teenage daughter looking forward to it but has only 1 friend from her friendship group in her class. Luckily they are really good friends. They have a few of the troublemakers in their class so will be interesting. I guess that's life hey.

no prezurre re your thread Jay, I understand, I really do.

Cmf x

[velvetfaerie]

FB triggers. I have found myself one as well. I'm only new to FB too! Its like a sore you keep poking ARGH.

I hope the start to the new school year goes well despite the anxiety.

I hope you hand in your resume. In my humble opinion, it says a lot when a person goes to the trouble to go to the perspective employer, and hands in the document. Effort. Gone are the days of that.

Thoughts are with you.

V.

[Doolhof]

Hi CMF and All.

Hope the return to school works out okay. I remember my sister had to get her younger daughter back into a sleeping routine that suited school hours as even as a preschooler, she preferred to go to bed past midnight! When she slept over my husband would tuck her into bed as I could just not stay up that late!

Finding a different routine may take a few days, hope all settles down quickly for everyone.

I quite enjoy FB but they may be because I usually just look at the pictures and phots and don't do a lot of reading!

For all who have children returning to school, all the best!

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

CMF and everyone

I remember the start of the new year and I hope all goes well for you and your children. Your youngest starting is a big milestone.

The funny thing is when I was a teacher I was more nervous at the start of the new year , far more than my children so I would pretend I was fine so they would not pick up my nerves!

I remember my son aged 6 saying mum, don't worry the children will like you. I had to stop crying.

Just wanted to say hello and wish you well.

Quirky