Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

Saree I am sorry you are feeling really bad. I hope you don’t need to go to hospital . But I think you would know if that’s what you need to do .

My son goes to court in 2 months .

Jojo I have always been there for my family . We have all been through a lot . I would do anything for my kids . My son hasn’t learnt his lesson even with what he is facing . I have failed them . I feel extremely sad about it . I have failed myself . I have failed as a mum .

Sorry I won’t post for a few days.

Lilly

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

Its ok, I'll be ok. Just terrifying space atm.

You have not failed. Having a parent that would do anything for you is amazing. Your son will see it one day, I just hope it's not too late when he does.

Stay safe,

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You may not believe me, but you are definitely not a failure. You have provided for your sons and taken care of them despite struggling with debilitating illness.

Don’t be so hard on yourself Lilly. You have done the very best you can and it’s not easy when you don’t have a partner to help you carry the load.

Take care and be kind to yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and Saree,

Thank you lovely friends.

It’s just so easy to hate myself. I couldn’t be more pathetic .

I hope saree you are feeling ok . Especially coming off your medication . Take care of yourself .

Mary I hope you are feeling ok . I know the treatment would make you feel very unwell . Thinking of you .

Hope you are having a nice day Jojo . I hope you have been taking good care of yourself while helping Saree and I so much . Thank you for caring .

Sorry about my behaviour. It’s embarrassing. I feel like a nutcase . Maybe I am .

Sorry again

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Please don’t hate yourself Lilly as that can only bring you down and you are not a nutcase either! You are dealing with lots of stresses in your life which on top of mh issues leaves you extremely vulnerable.

I couldn’t handle everything that you are facing without ending up in a real mess and in hospital. You are truly amazing tho you probably don’t even realise it.

I managed to get out for coffee on the weekend when there was a break in the weather and the sun put in an appearance! I can’t believe it’s almost spring which is my favourite season. What’s yours?

Stay safe and strong xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

Spring is my favourite .

I am loosing my son . . I am trying to hold on tight to him but it’s impossible he is resisting . I fear I have lost him already . It breaks my heart .

I can only blame myself. I have already failed my family .

I can’t watch this happen . I am not strong enough . How do I continue with a broken heart and no soul . There isn’t anything left of me to give . My family don’t have a mum they just have a empty vessel. I left them a long time ago.

Sorry for everything

Thank you dear friend

Lilly

[Saree_p]

Wondrous Lilly,

Forgive me. I am going to be quite blunt and direct, purely cause I want to reach you.

How have you failed your son? I left home at age of 14 because my mother had introduced me to 5 (in counting) bf.
You have done nothing but try your best to provide for your son, none of us are perfect, nor will we succeed in getting it right ever.
I would be so blunt and potentially rude to say your son has no idea of how lucky he is.

I am sorry if it's a bit too direct and confronting. But it's what I'm thinking when reading your posts.

I want/hope you will stop blaming yourself for doing what you can. The most important thing in life is those who love us and will do anything for us. I wish you were shown this Lilly.

Dear friend. Please please please realise you are not what was doneto you, what you were told. You are someone, a mother, with a big, kind, caring heart.

I hope to hell this hasn't been hurtful to u xx

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Yes we get beautiful wild flowers in spring and the weather is just nice - not too hot not too cold.

I agree with Saree your sons are very lucky to have you as you have given your all to help and support them. I hope one day they will be mature enough to realise it.

Much as you want to hold on to your eldest son I guess he is getting to the age where he may well want to leave home. You may not agree with this, however, this is all part of growing up.

Perhaps this would be the making of him as he would need to find a job to support himself? However, I suspect if he thinks it through he will stay put as you take good care of him.

Take one day at a time as you are going through so many changes.

Thoughts are with you dear friend xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

Saree Thank you for you kind words . Hold your bf hand he truly cares about you . The good and the bad . He loves you don’t push him away .

Jojo I am loosing my son to substance he is 18. He is my youngest . He is suicidal and I can’t help him. I have tried so much to get him help . He is pushing me away. He is lost . I don’t know how to get him back. I have phoned parentline and other lines. They weren’t any help . They said he can’t get help until he asks for it which he won’t . And because he is 18 I don’t have any power over him. I have had him at doctors ect. There isn’t much I haven’t tried. It’s heartbreaking .

Hope you had a nice day

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I’m sorry I didn’t understand what you had previously said about losing your son and I also thought you were talking about your older son. Thank you for making that clear. That is so sad.

I now realise why you are so worried and scared for his well being. I guess all you can do is be there for him and hope he will eventually seek help. Keep trying to encourage him to get support for himself.

Have you shared this with your GP as she might have more information about what you can do?

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position as you have enough to cope with.

Stay safe and strong xox

With love YFF 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨🚤