Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Mary ,

Thank you for caring . You should be taking good care of yourself today rather than posting me . You are a inspiration . 💕

I have 10 free session with a psychologist . 1st session was a nightmare and the second well basically the same . Couldn’t talk and well a mess. Waiting for a phone call for the 3rd. It would probably be the same as the first two.

I have seen about 4 psychiatrist and the same with psychologists.

Its just hard to trust things would be different if I was to see another psychiatrist. .It’s really hard to find someone that I click with. They just seemed so.....pompous. They seem like they are just going through the motions. Like it’s just a job and they don’t really care.

I know there would be great psychiatrist out there but I haven’t found one yet. And it’s hard to find the strength to keep looking . I am so exhausted. I just feel I would be going around in circle’s like I have been to return to where I am now .

How do I tell it like it is without having trust in a psychiatrist. It has to be earned . And the problem is I don’t trust anyone .

I felt the same as you when I was in hospital . Very ashamed and such a failure . But had other issues there as well . We are very complicated beings.

I will give it some thought though Mary . And thank you so much for everything .

wishing you well. 💕

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Hi everyone ,

I just felt like sharing . This morning I woke up to a baby koala walking past my balcony . He looked like a teddy bear. He was so sweet I wanted a cuddle . Calmed me for a moment . I think I need to find a lot of koalas and surround myself with them .

Anyway hope you can all find a little piece of calm like I have today .

Lilly

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

How fabulous to have a koala walk past your window. When I was living with my ex we had koalas living in the trees across from my home. They never came near the house until night time when I heard them calling. It sounded just like a lawn mower. My dog got very defensive and chased one I think. Unfortunately she came off worst and had some severe scratches round her neck. I don't think she tried it again.

Ask your GP to look into the credentials of any psych she/he wants you to see. My GP had networks and used them to find the most suitable person for me. Not necessarily the cleverest etc but someone I could relate to. You are right about trust, it must be earned, but give the psych and yourself time to get there. I know some of these experts think they are wonderful which is unfortunate for their patients. Please discuss this with your GP.

I know about the mental health plan but it has always been my contention that ten visits is rarely enough for someone who needs lots of help. Mostly you end up paying about the same gap fee unless the psychologist bulk bills. The difference for me is you can have as many visits to a psychiatrist as you need without being hugely out of pocket. At the end of your ten psychologist visits you will be paying the whole fee or putting your therapy on hold until the next year, which is ridiculous.

From my experience the gap fee for both psychs is about the same with the possibility of of reaching your safety net limit during the year and paying less with the psychiatrist. So unless you have the good fortune to find a fantastic psychologist I think a psychiatrist is the best option. Plus of course he/she can prescribe any necessary meds.

I do get fear of talking to anyone about the horrible experiences you have had. Not easy I know as I had a sudden flashback to a very unpleasant experience from my past. I think I was more gobsmacked at remembering than at what had actually happened. Out of the blue really shook me. So we want to protect ourselves.

You do not need to tell any psych all your story at once. You can talk about life in general and anything else until you feel comfortable. If the psych wants to hurry you up please try to explain you need time to feel comfortable. Though if the psych is any good they will know no one jumps straight in.

Lots of suggestions from me. I hope you do not feel overwhelmed. I want to support you to be the most well you can possibly be. I will also stay well.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I was not trying to suggest you are ungrateful for what you have- just trying to get you to focus on more positive things in your life.

However, you have come up with your own positive moment with the story of the baby koala. Good on you! Made me smile too.

I s there a zoo or petting zoo that you could visit? That would be a lovely way to spend some time. Animals are so healing.

I love watching the monkeys, otters and meerkats. What about you?

Take care and get out into nature xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐨

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I do love animals. There is a place with animals about a couple of hours drive from me . It’s a place where I couldn’t pat or cuddle anything but I know you can feed the kangaroo’s . I would have to go alone my children wouldn’t come . I would have to wait for a calm day. There hasn’t been a calm day for awhile my emotions are hard to handle . I get anxious driving Atm .

I think my son has pushed me into overload . He is overwhelming me I can’t think straight . I am extremely worried about him. He is constantly attacking me verbally . He comes home grabs clean cloths and leaves me in a emotional mess. He stays out all night . I don’t know where he is and what he is up too . Not sleeping at all . Well maybe a couple of hours. I feel like I am having a melt down .

I think nature though might be good for me. The koala was a special moment .

I new you weren’t suggesting I was ungrateful I just needed to explain where my worthless feeling was coming from .

I hope you had a nice day today Jojo .

Thank you dear friend

lilly .

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just lost a post so here goes again! Hope you have a calm day sometime soon so you can get out into nature and visit some animals. I remember having my photo taken cuddling a koala when I visited Queensland years ago. It was lovely and a really good memory.

I also love petting zoos with baby goats, lambs, chicks, ducklings, rabbits and guinea pigs. They are so cute. Makes me want to take them home.

I am sorry to hear your son is still giving you such a hard time. It’s not fair, you don’t deserve that. Do you know who his friends are?

I am getting worried about Saree - better keep the turbocharged boat on standby just in case!

I have had a lovely day thanks. The weather was really nice with sunshine - tho rain is on the way. Had fun at my art group this morning too.

Stay safe & strong xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Yes I do know a couple of his friends but not the whole group . Bad bunch .!I can’t say on the forum but something is controlling him . How can I get help for myself when I can’t even help my children. It’s hopeless. I just can’t do this anymore .

I am really worried about saree as well . I have the boat running . Good to launch anytime . Haven’t named it yet

I am glad you had a fun day at art .

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Jojo,

I know I can’t help my children unless I get better. The only thing is I don’t have the strength to help myself when I have so much going on everyday . It tips me over the edge . I get so worked up I probably wouldn’t even get to where I need to go .

I don’t know I am pretty useless .

Lilly

[Saree_p]

It's great to hear from you dear Lilly!

Jojo is right, your son is responsible for his choices.

Please do try and get the help you need, you do deserve it.

The koala bear sounds so adorable. Xx

Sorry dear friend, haven't meant to be absent. Sorry.

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are not useless, but unfortunately at your son’s age you can’t control who he chooses to have as friends.

All you can do is be there for him and hope that he makes better choices in the future. When does he have to go to court?

No matter what you may think, you come across as an extremely caring mum who would do anything for your kids. You just need to find a way of balancing that with getting yourself help and support.

Stay safe & strong xox

With love YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🦔🐨