Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and saree,

I have tried relaxation Jojo . My mental health nurse tried to do that with me for 2 years and I couldn’t do it . Jojo I have tried everything. I don’t ever have a break from this not even a moment . Even at home it’s the same .

My depression is really bad at the moment I have so many intrusive thoughts I can’t block out . Everyday I have to battle something . It’s never ending .

Feeling like there isn’t any point continuing . I have had enough of feeling like this , There isn’t any hope of getting better . I can’t reach out for help and I can’t live like this either .

I know there is only so much you can all do because after all you don’t know me or anything about my life . I know how guarded I am . I have to be . I know only I can change this by making a step to get the help I need . I don’t have faith that things would be different if I tried . After all I have tried for years . I have reached out for help and still in the same place . I just can’t do it . My anxiety is too bad .

Sorry for everything . I have been such a burden to you all . Thank you dear friends for being there for me and for all your help and advice.

Sorry again

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

There is no way You are a burden. I consider you to be a friend.

I do wishes there was a way we could help you.

Lots of love,
Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are not a burden and you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. With regard to the intrusive thoughts could you write them down rather than trying to block them out. You don’t have to show anyone and can destroy this later.

Could you make a collage of your depression using old newspapers or magazines? I have done this and it really helped. I used a headline from a newspaper which said ‘out of order’ and stuck it above a woman’s head. You can write words with texters too even swear words are allowed! Anything to get it out of your head.

Get angry with the black dog! Tell him to piss off and leave you alone. Don’t let him win. Please don’t give up you have come so far.

My thoughts and prayers are with you xox

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

I am not even sure I can even write things down at the moment . Sorry in a bad place at the moment .

I think I am sabotaging myself like Mary said.

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Can you do some deep breathing?breathe in for 5 and hold for a few seconds, then breathe out for 5. Do this for a little bit then could you put on some meaningful music to lift your spirit?

Really focus on the words and instruments in each song. Don’t be there by yourself. Do something to change the channel in your head xox

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

I see it's been a few days since I last posted. Unfortunately I have been unwell. Had good news that a procedure I had shows no nasties. What a relief. Now if I could get other stuff sorted it would be great.

The black dog has you well and truly by the throat. I know you feel tired and unmotivated but this is the dog whispering in your ear. Dismissing it is not easy. You know the saying a weed cannot grow where you plant a flower. Make a list of enjoyable activities and whenever the dog starts its interference start one of the activities on your list. You may believe there are no good activities but you can remember what you used to do.

It takes as much energy to be upset with your thoughts as it takes to do something much nicer. Once you start and get involved in whatever you often find your mood lifts. And because it is enjoyable your energy will also start to rise. I have found it a relief to be engaged in something other than dark thoughts.

It seems to me that intrusive thoughts are your worst enemy. I agree, they are horrible. So when you post here and on other threads, do you get any relief? You are talking to someone every time about life and getting away from your thoughts. That's good. So instead of posting a lot why not do as Jojo and Saree have suggested and write in a journal. You can be even more open to your thoughts and it is a good way to get something off your chest. Takes as much energy as posting here.

Playing music in the background is also good. Studies show the benefits of music making it a therapy in its own right. These are small steps which lead to greatly improved mental health. So use your energy in the most rewarding way.

You constantly apologise here and tell us you are very down. So try the suggestions you have been given instead of replying so often to others. It is more productive. Also you have been told you are not a nuisance etc so no need to keep saying it. Instead talk about more positive events. Even getting yourself to work and what happens there. Focussing too much on the dark side of your life will only reinforce your depression. We know it's happening so you do not need to keep repeating it.

I see you have two children. Is your spouse around? Can he help to distract you? What does he say about your depression? Having another adult around is beneficial no matter whether you discuss your feelings or not.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wondering how you are feeling today? How was work? Did you try deep breathing/music last night?

Hope your flu has eased up. Keep fighting on Lilly. Thank you for keeping in touch with Saree as she is struggling like you xox

Thinking of you

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Wonderous Lilly,

Along with Jojo, how are you?

Thoughts and best wishes are with you!!! - this all sucks doesn't it!

I hope it eases for you, I truly do

Saree

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Work was really busy . There are alot of expectations in my job so pretty stressful . I work a 12 hour day . I did do the breathing exercises . It helped a little. Thank you for your help .

.In regards to how I am feeling . Feeling the same Jojo. But my flu is improving .

It does help posting but I feel If I post I shouldn’t and if I don’t I should at the moment .

I don’t have a partner. Journaling is pretty hard for me . I think it’s because seeing things written down makes it more real and it’s easier to hold things in and protect myself . It’s hard to explain . I will try tho .

I have been talking about my feelings over and over again on my thread . Like Mary pointed out . It’s easier than talking about anything else . Even in a thread where nobody has any idea who I am it’s still a place where I need to be guarded. I have never been a person to open up .

I know I need to try and open up too get the support I need . I am not sure I could do it . But maybe I could learn to trust a little .

I hope you had a nice day Jojo.

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear saree,

Yes this sucks big time . I hope it eases for you as well

I think we both have trust issues . And we need to let our guard down to get the help we need. I don’t have any answers how to do that tho .

But if I think of any I will let you know . Jojo is better at advice than me .

Thinking of you always

Your friend Lilly 🌸