Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

It sounds like you are very good at your job which is great and keeps you busy. Though I realise 12 hours must be tiring for you too.

Well done for trying some deep breathing last night. Some stretching exercises might help too especially before bed.

I am glad you have kept posting and in this one you have shared a bit more than usual so well done.

I understand why you have the need to be guarded because you need to feel safe. However, I was delighted to read that you might try to trust a little bit which is amazing, but there is no pressure to do so.

As always you are in my thoughts and prayers xox

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just a quick hello 👋 Do you have to work weekends? I am supposed to go for coffee and a walk tomorrow, but the forecast is for heavy rain & storms so we will probably cancel.

What are you up to this weekend? Do you watch much TV? I have been following Masterchef - the only down side is it always makes me so hungry.

Take care of yourself xox

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

You are also good at giving advice 😊 just like me however, you are horrible at following your own 😂

I am curious, same as Jojo, about your weekend. I do note my posts are coming through hours later, so I apologise.

Jojo, that walk sounds so good - shame about the weather! Is Masterchef on atm? I always like zumbo's deserts - thankfully I have a lot of intolerances so can't eat the stuff without being sick, but I guess it never takes away the desire, just the reinforcement of consequences.

I am also curious if you have managed to do some writing? I have started a "blog" in word - currently 3 pages. I confess it is getting me back into the mood to write my novels, but I am not sure can at this point. Mind you, I did a puzzle at work today - trying to get a big enough board to do my 100s of puzzles at home - a puzzle and music was the most bliss I have had in years. Wondering if you have ever tried this?

Lovely Ladies, I bid you farewell ❤💖

Saree

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo and saree,

I am working all weekend . It looks like a nice day outside . Funny how when it’s a nice day on your day off you don’t want to see it or enjoy it . But when you are working you wish you had the day off. I have Wednesday off.

I don’t watch a lot of t.v can’t sit still long enough or focus .

I have started colouring in and listening to music . It helps a little .

I am not going to start journaling sorry . Not yet anyway . I really can’t find the words and don’t want to see them . Sorry it’s hard to explain why .

Jojo it’s a shame you can’t go for a walk . Maybe it’s a movie day for you and your friend .

Sorry I am not in a good head space at the moment . I won’t post for a few days . I just think if I can’t post without a negative thrown in then what’s the point . I am not helping anyone .

I hope the day goes fast at work today saree. Hope you both have a nice day .

Take care of yourselves

your friend Lilly 🌺🌸

[Saree_p]

Wonderful Lilly,

Wishes are with you, hope to hear from you when you are ready - if you are ready. Hopefully the colouring in and music will continue to help. The other thing that occurred to me was podcasts - there are a few like skeptics guide to the universe that I greatly enjoyed purely for the way it felt inclusive and stimulated thought - which equalled distraction. I had forgotten about them until today.

Good luck with it all!!!

Thoughts and peaceful wishes are with you,

Saree

P.S. I do get the not journalling thing.

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

That’s good colouring in and music are helping you a bit.

I did manage to meet my friend for coffee and go for a walk which was lovely. We dodged the rain which is now forecast for later today.

It’s okay if you can’t handle journaling - it’s not for everyone. If it helps you keep posting, but if you need a break that’s okay too.

I see you have a day off on Wednesday. Would you please try your hardest to keep your GP appointment- that would be a step towards trusting. See how you go. Will be right there with you holding your hand xox

You are in my thoughts

With love & hope

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Hello wherever you are 👋 Hope work is going well. Look forward to hearing from you again if and when you feel like it.

You are in my thoughts and prayers xox.

With love

Your forever friend Jojo 🌻

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just want to wish you well for tomorrow regardless of what you decide to do. Hope to hear from you soon if you feel up to it xox

With love & hope

Your forever friend 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

How are you? Work is busy as usual . Targets to meet so always stressful . I don’t know if at the moment I should take time off . Work is a distraction but wearing me down emotionally although if I was at home I am not sure how I would handle it . Why too much time to think . Once I took time off and spent the whole 2 weeks in bed . I couldn’t move . Far out how have I got to this place in my life . I just want to die Jojo.

My doctors appointment is at 5 today . It’s easy to cancel just send a text y or n . So easy way out . What would happen anyway ? I have been there done that . Can’t go through with it Jojo. Go there and walk out to face another day .

I couldn’t open up if I even tried about how I am feeling . I know if I did my doctor would send me straight to hospital. She mentioned did I want to go last visit .

I can’t find the strength and courage to even consider it .

How did I ever become such a gutless wonder. I wish my family had a different mother I am such a failure. I see the disappointment in there eyes. When I got out of hospital they hardly spoke to me .

Thank you Jojo for being here for me . Sorry I haven’t been posting and not sure how often I will do it at the moment . I just feel it’s not helping anyone to have to read my posts.

Take care of yourself Jojo

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Saree_p]

Great to hear from you Lilly,

All positive vibes your way - I hope you go to your doctor, Jojo and I will be there holding your hand.

I hope you are able to push and open up a little, get the help you deserve. Could you take that last post with you? Or one you feel comfortable with?

Please do let us know how you go if you can?

Lots of love your way,

Saree