Dearest Lilly,
Like Jojo has pointed out so many times, you are stronger than you think.
I understand how painful trusting can be - and I can not preach to you, as this is the very process I am trying to do myself.
I guess s is a final choice, and if you take that would it really matter what people think? therefore is it worth giving trusting someone and seeking help a try first - I am not trying to make this sound simple or easy, cause it is far from it, and I am terrified myself - pretty much for the same reasons you are. On top of it, I live in a small community, so if I get exposed (which will happen at some point) it will be known by all, so I need to be able to deal with that.
There is no quick fix and there never will be, but there is hope. Yes it hurts to hope.
One of my favourite sayings - "Dare to hope" - why? because it requires the willingness and courage to choose hope with the knowledge you will be hurt.
Lilly, even if you do not see it or believe it, trust Jojo and I, you have the courage to hope, you just need to be willing to.
I do want to wish you a good night, but I know it wont be. So I hope you will do your best to keep safe. Jojo and I are with you, you are not alone.
Lots of Love,
Saree
