existential and social anxiety - can you relate?

[swtpotato]

hi everyone,

I was posting on the welcome and orientation section but thought I should move things here as it's more on-topic.

So my mental health story: I have always been really introverted and spacey kinda kid but also very optimistic and idealistic. I grew up being really self-conscious and felt like there was something wrong with me but was pretty good at ignoring it.
I had this bad lsd trip (1.5yrs ago) which blew all of my insecurities way out of proportion. I had all this derealisation and depersonalisation and severe social anxiety which led me to develop IBS and chronic fatigue. I was obsessed with the concept of identity and meaning and thought it was impossible to truly connect with other people.

[swtpotato]

Hello Shell,

This means a lot,

From all your posts here I feel so much warmth and compassion towards you

Thank you,

- M

[startingnew]

HI M


thats perfectly fine. You are you and you need to have a therapist that you click with and also wants to work with you and not just what they want to do. So well done for coming to this decision.


Trust your instincts if you dont think its working change it and your allowed to make your own decisions. Its apart of recovery.
Thats a shame about your previous therapist but thats ok, youll find another one. Just do your research and see what you think. Youll get a feeling for people and youll know which one is right for you.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi m,

I agree with you that sometimes our instincts can be a bit of a guiding light when it comes to the whole therapeutic process.

I'm glad you're researching and figuring out what you want and need. Taking charge...that's great!

There were 2 comments that kind of caught my attention from your earlier post that- or at least to me anyway- might hint at what you're looking for.

Perhaps it's something to keep in mind when you're researching:

I feel like I just go and let them know everything I've worked out for myself, get a few simple strategies that usually I knew about already, but mainly have someone to talk to and externalise ideas.

Maybe I want more analysis rather than structured therapies like cbt, idk.

It goes without saying that you obviously don't need to explain or justify your decisions (or earlier comments) to me. I'm only quoting you back to you in hopes that maybe it will be helpful 😉

I think you're clearly very bright with a high level of self awareness; it shows in your writing. Fragmented sense of self huh...hmmm...interesting insight. Alas, I don't really know enough about you to comment...

As for sticking with the familiar. Yeah, I think many of us (including me) do it. Familiar can sometimes delude us into a false sense of "security" (because it's like a bad habit at times) even if it's the complete opposite of safe.

Anyway, I've rambled enough. In short, I think you're smart and I'm glad you're taking charge of your own recovery, and putting your therapeutic needs first by trusting your gut and researching 🙂

Sending Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo

[Pysis]

Hi M

i just wanted to say thanks for being here for me it really dose mean a lot and I want you to know I'm always here for you to if you need me, ok.

thinking of you

Nath

[Pysis]

Hi shell

haha, I'm glad I made you laugh even though I didn't mean to. I actuall know a roo that live in a house just down the road i rescued her as a joey and gave her to freind to raise and now she sleeps in the bed with them and the dogs at night and eats at the kitchen table, her names Lilly.😃

Hope your ok

Nath

[swtpotato]

Hi nath, hi pepper, hi sn, hi shell again, hi everyone,

u are all so lovely,

I feel more open tonight

I can feel your kindness, the appreciation I feel is almost overwhelming

after being completely numb and distant all day, disconnected when talking about my dad in therapy (cancer, gone 2yrs) this feeling is a relief

i was close to tears many times just from reading through the forums tonight

so many of you have been and are struggling through so much

I hope you try to appreciate what you do for yourselves

we have a lot in us

- m

was a huge day today

[Guest_1055]

Big hug for you dear m, if you like hugs that is.

Shell xx

[Guest_1055]

Oh that is such a cute little story about Lilly the roo Nath, Thankyou for sharing it. Please excuse my ignorance but how does Lilly get into the bed? Like is she lifted up or just jump in?

Ah Thankyou for asking if I am okay too. I am just plodding along. I have read parts of your thread so I do know a little about you.

Shell

[Peppermintbach]

Aw m,

What a lovely message 🙂 Thank you...

It's nice to see this other side of you. Not that I know you very well (and especially as I haven't read most of your thread) but yeah, as you said, more open...

It must be refreshing to feel again...

On another note, I've stumbled upon some of your posts around the forums. It is very generous and caring of you to give others a hand here especially as you're still struggling yourself.

I'm sorry about your dad. It must have been hard/is hard...maybe you went numb in order to cope with the loss.

Not sure if you're into hugs but if you are...here's another virtual hug from me 🙂

Pepper xo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi again,

I have skimmed through some of your earlier posts...will get through them all eventually...

Look, you're smart. Really smart. I've said this before 😉

Use that insight and self awareness to help propel yourself forward. Intelligence isn't the be all and end all but it's definitely something that you can use in your favour in therapy and in recovery...it's learning how to use your personal characteristics to your advantage...

Anyway, I could say more but I have to unsmoke my smokey eye (my eye makeup went a bit haywire today...oops...)

Kind thoughts,

Pepper xo