existential and social anxiety - can you relate?

[swtpotato]

hi everyone,

I was posting on the welcome and orientation section but thought I should move things here as it's more on-topic.

So my mental health story: I have always been really introverted and spacey kinda kid but also very optimistic and idealistic. I grew up being really self-conscious and felt like there was something wrong with me but was pretty good at ignoring it.
I had this bad lsd trip (1.5yrs ago) which blew all of my insecurities way out of proportion. I had all this derealisation and depersonalisation and severe social anxiety which led me to develop IBS and chronic fatigue. I was obsessed with the concept of identity and meaning and thought it was impossible to truly connect with other people.

[swtpotato]

Hey Nath,

I'm going ok. I stayed at home again the whole day and realised how many tutes and lectures I have missed the last few weeks.

It was a bit better today as I had the house to myself, yesterday I was falling deeper and deeper as I couldn't relate to anyone in the house. I didn't have any space for the thoughts to go so they all turned against me. That went away around after this morning though.

I notice how I get uneasy every time my housemate is home. I am still tied up in his moods, though way less than before. I still think he is an amazing human being...but he gets very irritable and can't help it, he is good at not turning it against others but can still get very cold. I think I've finally realised that I can't really help him, but I can always do a little bit every now and then.

I studied a bit and had lots of naps but was generally better at looking after myself. Sometimes I feel like I don't need more energy or better mood...I just need a whole new personality. I shut off others so easily.

I'll be studying all day every day for a while just to keep up.

Thanks for checking in.

- m (call me this instead as I started to get worried about anonymity yesterday)

[Peppermintbach]

Hi m,

I'm about 10 conversations behind so I genuinely have no idea what is going on but I noticed your thread title...

I was wondering if you have considered trying existential therapy (or maybe it's called existential psychotherapy)...I'm unsure of the correct term but there is definitely a type of therapy designed specifically for existentialism. Some psychologists (not all) specialise in this kind of therapy.

Thought maybe it is something you could look into...

All the best with uni. It sounds stressful at the moment especially with your low energy levels and other struggles.

Must dash now...

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Pysis]

Ok M it is then.

i know it's hard when you start to fall behind especially when it's becuase of depression I was about 1 year ahead with my studies now Im starting to worry a little becuase I just can't concentrate long enough.

im glad you've had a better day today and sorry about your roo mate it must be hard living with someone like that I know you said you were pretty close to him at one point.

its good you got some studie done today and you had some sleep.

thinking of you

Nath

[swtpotato]

Thanks pepper,

I'm seeing my psychologist for the first time in 3 weeks today, will try and write my thoughts down to give to her to make sure I don't avoid it again. I am still not too sure about her, have had 3 sessions so far.

Nath,

Yeah, and I know I'm just making it harder for myself as well by letting it all pile up. I'm honestly not too concerned about grades, I just want to pass now. That's actually huge for me as I used to have a lot of anxiety about getting high grades, and now I can feel relatively ok about myself for just getting through it.

It sucks that you cannot concentrate much at the moment but it does make sense, your anxiety is probably taking up too much brain space. Don't worry it just means you have to break things up even more but it can still be done, you might just have to be okay with doing things at a lower standard.

Thanks to both of you,

- m

[Peppermintbach]

Hi m,

Any time 🙂 It's hard to say...lots of considerations for whether this psych is or isn't the right fit for you.

But I suppose as you're nearing the one month mark (I'm assuming weekly sessions?), maybe it's time to sit down and reassess soon...

I suppose things to consider include:

• whether your psych respects professional boundaries; she's your therapist, not your friend.
• unconditional positive regard; that doesn't mean never challenging you but overall, there are feelings of warmth from her.
• it's a collaborative process where she doesn't "dictate" your journey but you work on it together. You must also have a say.
• she empowers you rather than tries to "save you."
• it is personalised to suit your unique history, personality, etc
• you trust her and get a "good feeling" from her as in you have a good professional rapport

So yeah...stuff like that...I'm not asking you to explain or tell me but it's just things for you to consider in your own time (if you wish.)

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Guest_1055]

Hi M, pepper, Nath and anyone else ,

Ah Nath, I mean no offence to you or anything. But Thankyou so much for helping me to laugh this morning. I read your latest post and noticed you wrote "roo mate". I couldn't help it as all I saw was a kangaroo living in a home. It feels so good to laugh... Many thanks for blessing me this morning

Shell

[swtpotato]

Hi Pepper,

Thanks for those guidelines.

I think I've decided I want to look for someone else, though I had already switched from someone before her.

I wrote down the main issues I wanted to discuss throughout therapy and gave it to her, but I realised I didn't feel that comfortable talking to her about it. And I think it was more related to her rather than the topic. I don't feel like we can get that in depth which I didn't realise before as I'd been avoiding the stuff I actually want to deal with. Also I was in a relatively fine headspace at the time so it felt weird to talk about that stuff as if I was just guessing what it was like or what I needed.

She's fine for figuring out strategies for the everyday stuff, but I don't find that very helpful longterm. So I don't think I trust her or get too much of a good feeling from her (I can be really numb tho so sometimes I just get no feelings from most things which makes it hard to figure out or connect)

But I still don't really know what I am looking for? I've tried 4, 2 were terrible, last one was pretty good, this one eh idk. I feel like I just go and let them know everything I've worked out for myself, get a few simple strategies that usually I knew about already, but mainly have someone to talk to and externalise ideas. Last one was a bit better than this but not often, I just liked her as a person a lot.

I don't think this is enough? Maybe I want more analysis rather than structured therapies like cbt, idk.

Anyone have any advice on this?

Thanks,

- m

[startingnew]

HI M

you have to do whats right for you in terms of recovery and what you want out of your therapy sessions

you could research a few that are in your local area and see if you can find a suitable one for yourself. you can generally get a feel if they are for you by the way they write, structure and also what their aims and goals are. from there you can email them and ask if they do medicare rebates or if they charge the medicare gap fee which means proabably around 50 a session but you dont claim through medicare they do.

you said your last one was pretty good... are you able to go back to that one?

[swtpotato]

Hey SN,

Thanks for your reply.

I think today I felt like I accepted that it is okay to seek exactly what I need to get the most out of treatment. And I feel like I will know what I want when I research. It was weird I felt empowered after deciding that I don't like her because I realised I was trusting my instincts. I ignored it before as I didn't think it mattered or that I deserved to recover.

Which is huge!

I have had a fragmented and lost self for what feels like so long it is a strange feeling to trust myself. Despite still being numb and drained. Hmm I don't have to be okay to have a bit of faith in myself.

(I feel weird saying this like I am suspicious of the consequences.. feels very temporary...I think like everyone we try to stick to the familiar even if it's bad for us)

To answer your actual post tho no I cannot she is in another city, which is why I switched. I miss her.

- m

[Guest_1055]

M just wanted to say hello is all. I have no other words. Anyway I care about you and wanted you to know that also.

Shell xx