Everything just feels like too much work

[Tiredmummah]

Good evening,  I have little drive to accomplish anything.  I have 2 beautiful kids. But some days I end up just zoning out watching crap on my phone instead of spending time with them. I feel like I'm failing, hubby works afternoons so 5 days a week it is all on me. To keep the house tidy, feed kids, bath kids, homework, additional homework from speech therapy for 1 kid. Walk the dog's (definitely not happening as much as it should). I only work casual,  so it's not like I am struggling with time, just the will to get things done. I'm sick of things not happening,  but not enough to commit to doing things about it. No idea what to do to get me out of this massive slump

[Croix]

Dear New Member~

Welcome here ot the Forum, a good place to gain perspective.

The sorts of feelings and lack of wiil you are feeling can m=come about for a multitude of reasons and it is easy to fall in the trap of blaming yourself becuse you are are not coming up to your own expectations -even if they happen to be inappropriate.

After all a part tme job, all those chores around the house, two kids and a dog is a huge set of taks and very tiring in themselves, all while hubby is away and not htere to help.

May I ask what you think is wrong? I'd also like to ask if you have talked this over wiht your hubby, if so what does he think?

I guess when I've felt pointless, no energy and not motivated it has come about for two very different reasons, one being a physical deficiency  and the other mental health issue -so it is not right to assume anything.

Can I suggest you go to your GP nd get a thorough check-up, one physical and the other tests for mental health issues and see what hte results are. I was very surprised about the deficiency but hte correct treatment has that under control  wiht  only little effects -a great improvment.

It's true I also have various illnesses such as depression, which seems to come in waves, and this certainly wold have me doing nothing, however once again the correct treatment and therapy has made a big difference- i'm happier and more productive.

It's made me realise that although at first I though it was all my fault -my inadequacies, now I know they were symptoms - no me at all. There is a comfort in that.

You sound very tired and I hope you can take action and find something htat helps -and oyur huby does what he can.

I hope to hear from you again

Croix

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[Tiredmummah]

Thanks for your reply. I do have depression.  We think hubby has it too, but hasn't gone to the gp to confirm. 

One issue I know I have is that I procrastinate for little tasks, then get overwhelmed when my list gets too much. 

I did get a mental health plan from the gp about 3 months ago. To see a psychologist.  I never ended up doing it because I didn't want the extra job of doing the research and calling around to find a place that is accepting new patients. 

[Fiatlux]

Hi Tiredmummah,

You sound like you are in burn out.

Although my babies are all adults, I have been there, with 3 under 3. I loved having them close together and I coped very nicely until I was forced to go back to work when my youngest was just 1. It was the working long hours and sometimes 7 days and doing all of the household chores that nearly broke me. Husband did absolutely nothing around the house but took the kids out to the playground while I stayed behind cleaning the house and doing the shopping etc.

I didn’t have a work life balance until I became very ill and was forced to make some changes. 

When they were all in primary school I again started working very long days and again 7 days a week often. With lots of weekend night shifts. I did this for about 8 years till the kids were almost out of high school.

I am 56 now and still working 5 days a week in my own business but working mostly from home these days.

What stopped you from following through on your mental health plan? I am surprised that your GP didn’t just refer you to someone nearby. The appointments must be convenient otherwise this just adds to the stress of getting there. I suggest give it another go. 

In the meantime, take it easy. I don’t know what it is about this time of year but June especially has always been an exhausting month, work wise. You are not alone and you can get past this.

Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[Croix]

Dear Tiredmumma (with a wave to Fiatlux)~

OK I'm glad you have been to a GP and hopefully given a physical as well as a mental examination.

I can understand that even when given a referal to a psychologist it can seem all too much, both locating one that is not a disruption in your life getting there, the real dislike and reluctance to say it all again (making you feel worse in the process) and probably the gap expense too -which can be pretty awesome with some psychs.

Even so I share Fiatlux's surprise you have not fond a psych to at least try. Yes it can be a pain locating one and a pain repeating your circumstances actions and feelings, however it is what has changed me (over time) by therapy and meds. Now I"m more energetic and want to do things -and do them (then feel good:).

I have made face to face with a clinician (which can make one forget a lot of things) a little easier by writing down in dot points what is happening and what I need - that helps you as you have time, are not put off by face to face and -in my case at least - lets me put down all the embarrassing and even frightening things. Then hand the paper over and just clarify as asked.

That's realy half of it, as Fiatlux says you sound as if you are burnt out, or in my words at the end of your tather. So you really do need a way to lighten your daily load. You haven't mentioned your hubby's thoughts or if he can do more to help. Some chores can be done in the morning or shared, for example he washes and puts it out to dry, you bring it in, prepares meals for the kids -you feed them -, walks the dog and so on. Love can be "the mother of invention"

Anything so that when you crash and play wiht your phone you do not feel as guilty -or as tired. Actually having that 'me' time is necessary, not being selfish. I retreated into books, but it came to be the same thing.

Any relationship needs to be a partnership, not boss and servant, hopefully yours can work that way.

So what do you think? Is any of this more or less accurate or way off? Can you get to do something?

We care about you and would like to know how you go (even if the above  is impractical or too hard)

Croix

[therising]

Hi Tiredmummah

I feel for you so much. I think half the battle can come down to identifying a lot of the triggers. When we're led to wake up to them in one way or another, it can be like 'Yes! That makes complete sense. No wonder I'm struggling so much'. Making greater sense of things can definitely come as a relief because it means we can stop being so hard on our self at times.

Personally, I wasn't always a mind/body/spirit gal but as I began to consider different ways of looking at certain struggles, I found this is who I naturally came to be (as a result). A lot began to add up, as there being a connection between the 3. A couple of examples:

• My way or thinking and my internal dialogue (coming from the mind) will have an impact on how my body behaves, in response to my thoughts. My thoughts will help generate dopamine and other happy and exciting forms of chemistry or they won't. They'll lead every cell in my body to vibrate excitedly with energy or they won't. I'll be in high spirits (vibing high), with the feeling of life running through me or I won't
• A depressing level of sleep apnea and B12 deficiency will impact the chemical processes in my body. I will feel a depressing lack of chemical energy. With barely enough energy to move off the couch, my mind (with it's inner dialogue) will begin to dictate 'You're so lazy. You're really no good for anything. What's the point in even being here' and on it goes. The depressing lack of energy and depressing inner dialogue can feel soul destroying after a while, leaving me low in spirit (that natural sense of feeling fully connected to life)

With emotion being defined as energy in motion, there is mental emotion, physical emotion and natural emotion. There can be too much of it, a serious lack of it and everything in between. With too much (involving anxiety, hyperactivity etc) or too little (involving depression, under activity etc), the question becomes 'Why?' or 'What are the triggers?'. An emotional mystery, until it's solved. With depression, it can definitely feel like going through the motions without energy (aka 'numb' or 'unfeeling'). To be fair, how can we feel through what's not there? Personally, I've found what can help at times involves gaining a better feel for things. If I wake up exhausted, it can be a sleep issue. If I feel no sense of connection to a person or I feel somewhat drained or depressed by their nature, it can be a person issue. If I feel a depressing lack of energy through an everyday 'groundhog day' kinda sameness, it can be an adventure issue, pointing to a need to add ventures. Seeing it can be so hard to gain a sense of what our chemistry's doing (B12, iron, thyroid etc), can't hurt to question whether something could involve a medical issue. With some folk perhaps dictating to us 'You need to stop being so sensitive', what if the actual challenge involves becoming sensitive enough to the point where we're able to sense exactly what the issue is or the issues are. As an emotional eater and occasional Netflix binger, when I consider 'This form of happiness is better than nothing', the next question has got to be 'Why is there a lack of happiness, dopamine or whatever outside of this food and this loungeroom and who or what would lead me to feel differently?'.