Everything is so hard

[Karen71]

I was am a student tafe.

I put all assignments in.

I completed all work.

i had problems with one assignment whick shook me.

Mental health assignment .

I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story.

She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off.

I failed my test in the last week.

18mnths for nothing.

They dont care that im torn apart.

4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad.

I tried so very hard.pateints loved me.

Teachers not.

My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus.

I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake.

All day its tantrums.all night its study.

I have always suffered from depression and ptsd.

I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best.

I alwayfail.idont belong.

It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone.

I hate life peole are mean.

No im not in danger im simply done.

Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long.

My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass.

What is that.

Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell.

My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it.

Im shattered.

Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister.

Why are eople so cruel.

My son cant play with other children.

He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school.

Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others.

Im sohurt.so very sad.

I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids.

Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

[demonblaster]

truth Steph

Kaz I think how you're feeling atm, and so alone which you're not now cause we're here for you & you for us, it'd be a good idea to pop in daily. You're choice but here you have support & people that care.

you can vent here & we can figure out how to get ya outta this.

Time moves us. Every second takes us into the future. I think we need to look back to learn from it.

When we're in extreme lows like you are Kaz, it all seems like just words doesn't it.
It's nearly impossible to see light, but how we do is down to us.
What I'm starting to think more about is things I wanna do, achieve, stuff that makes me feel good.

The main thing is you WILL be looking back on this later, people are all saying same & it's true. Time doesn't stop so we're always looking back, & what's helping is I'm starting to get serious about my art which is a focus, distraction, goal.

[Guest_5809]

I didn't mean to sound rude in anyway. I am in such a similar situation to karen. Even to share the same name. I am feeling like I am past my expiry date at the moment. I understand your hope and inspiration and I am sure she appreciates all your kindness. Once again I do apologise.

[demonblaster]

Dotti Hi 🙂

Along the lines of what Steph said I too have been thinking similar. Not having a go just saying 🙂
I've been thinking of the things I have as much as po, like I can walk, see, have lot of people in my life that care & love me (reciprocated) roof over my head, food etc

I too as Steph did got some comfort outta that.

It helps to look at anything that's good in our lives that at these points are pretty damned shattered.

My interpretation of Stephs post was along those lines.

Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad too. It's the pits isn't it.
We CAN rise from this, gotta believe

All best 🙂

[MickeyM]

Hello my darling.

I just read your post, I'm so, so, so proud of you!

Baby steps is definitely the way to go. Your counselor should be able to help you with this. Children can really hold a mirror to us, mine really do hold me accountable. But I find it helps keep me on track.

Dont worry about your Diploma for now. Email them for your statement of attainment and ask for a deferral on medical grounds-your GP can write you a medical certificate.

Have you spoken to your GP again? Hope your health is improving.

Mickey

[topsy_]

Hi Karen

How have you been the last few days. I have been on each day & wrote you a post day before yesterday but either the gremlins ate it or I didn't post it properly.

I've had a quiet day today. Our 3 year old grandson is having his tonsils out tomorrow so our daughter has been stressing. I have an appointment with the dentist & a few things to get at the shops.

Does shopping make you tired Karen or do you enjoy it? I really hate it. I get so tired from it & when I'm tired I'm really vulnerable to feeling depressed.

I hope you are feeling just a little better. Sometimes even making a decision can make you feel better. I'm glad you've decided to stick around 😀.

Wishing you a peaceful nights sleep & a good day tomorrow. Cheers, Lyn. 😴

[demonblaster]

ooooh hoooo kaz

Come & hava chat darl, tell us how you're going.

The more we know, the easier we can put our heads together & get you outta this whoop hole sweetheart.

How's the mood?
Pneumonia?
Sleeping?
life atm

You're doing well girl, you're holding on and you're gunna make it OK.

Believe

[topsy_]

Hi Karen

Just checking in. How was your day?

Our little grandsons surgery went well but he's very miserable. Poor little pet.

I didn't make the dental appt. We went to get in the car & it wouldn't start. Flat battery - grrrr!!

The lady at the dentist was awful when I rang in to say I couldn't make it. I felt like a bad person after she was through with me.

I've thought that my whole life though after all the abuse my mum & dad dished out. I figured it must have been because I was bad that they treated me so terribly.

How are you feeling Karen? Are your kids going okay?

I'll pop in again soon, Lyn

[Karen71]

Hugs.you and demon and nan plus everyone else r correct.

Ive nursed people in so much pain,

Ive seen the tears and anguish of loved ones of people who have taken there life.

Ive seen and had friends of people who live and died on the street from phnuemonia.Hell ive been there .trust me strength dosent come in to it, but either choice or necessity.

I was lucky .I was given pears from the pub when I was starved.

Pain is justhat.Pain.

I know i have noexcuse.

Many people too many people have it so much worse but that is what makes me sad.

Dont know where i was going with that sorry.

As for me ive been in bed sick turns out my phnuemonia was bacterial meningitis. Im on new meds so should be a bit better soon. I got pretty sick.

Thing is ive battled all mylife.I wear scars inside and outside. Im just tied of trying all the time. I really wanted to suceed. Turns out i probably wasnt the flu but meningitis when i did my test.just didnt know.I have a million good reasons why i ffailed.Truth is i simply am not good enough.I never am. I just need to except it for what it is.

it dosnt matter who u are or what part of town or health you come from. Pain hurtswhatever the cause or location.

[Karen71]

Thankyou Stepho.

I wish I could rap my arms around you thankyou for your honesty.

Just keep going a bit like dory thfish.

Maybe you could join a club .

Yes I know not so easy when all you do is cry. Why on earth would you want to put your head on the chpping block.

Yoy could go back to work or study.

And yep thats likely the last thing you want.

I suppose lick your wounds and be kind to yourself and talk honestly without fear .one foot in front of the other. Hugs everyone

[demonblaster]

Ahh Yellow, ((( hugs )))

What an awful start to your life, pfffttt, that awful behaviour would make a child or adult even feel they're worthless. Sorry you went through that. You said your whole life you've felt that way. Not surprising being treated like that.
So now you need to start believing in yourself. Look at how you're supporting people here. Clearly you care about people so there's a start to believing you're worthwhile.

I also like about you how you converse with people here. Sharing bits of goings on. You certainly sound like someone that's worthwhile to me.

Project rebuild & believe in yourself Yellow

Hope your day goes better & cars behaving.