Constant blues and not knowing what to do with it

[Guest_322]

Hi,

The title basically says it all. I'm something of a sad sack (have been for most of my life).

Some people's trauma seems to come out predominantly as PTSD. Not me, mine seems to show itself as a constant state of blues instead (either that or I'm turning into my mum).

I kind of just want to stay in bed all day. Luckily I'm usually good at dragging my arse of of bed.

Not sure if this thread serves any purpose other than looking for fellow sad sacks- I say this affectionately as I am one of them- who can empathise?

Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD?

Dottie x

[White_Rose]

Hello Dottie

I think I have said before that we do not meet much on the BB forum but here we are again. It's really good to talk with you and acknowledge how much you help others. It is my belief that those who have lived with any kind of MI for a long time are far more responsive and compassionate towards others in the same boat. Thank you for your words to others and although they have not been directed to me specifically I have often found them helpful.

Why does one person 'manage' trauma when someone else in a similar situation does not? I suspect there are multiple reasons and situations that lead to PTSD or not. How much love and support did you, or anyone get from outside the home? I think grandparents often play a huge role here, perhaps teachers, neighbours etc. We may not have recognised this but it may have provided a buffer of sorts.

Mark became traumatised as an adult (hello Mark), but for you Dottie it was a childhood event. How much resilience did we learn growing up? I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and she told me I had Attachment Trauma from my childhood. She did explain it but I'm not sure I have right in my head yet so will not attempt an explanation. I can say I was not a product of a violent/alcoholic/gambling/anything else home. It seems to me that my upbringing was par for the course in my youth. I gather my difficulty comes from not having the care and support a child needs, not because my parents were horrible, but because of the circumstances of their lives.

Does that make it any better? I don't know. I know my mom got angry frequently but again I think it was the events in her life and the lack of control over those events that made her cross. And of course lack of control over our lives plays a huge part in our various MI. Sadly this can lead to our various beliefs in our own unworthiness which in turn adds to behaviours such as the desire to stay in bed.

To go back to your post Dottie, I get up in the morning because I have made a commitment to various people/activities and I don't want to let anyone down. I can recognise when I am physically unwell and not able to work, but feeling depressed is something I try to fight. And in truth I find I am generally much better once I shower and dress. However, I have simply stayed in bed, sometimes moving the TV into my room (it's on wheels).

Don't know if this has added to our collective knowledge. I hope so.

Mary

[Guest_322]

Thank you everyone,

Mark, "music makes the world go round"- I 100% agree with you there! It's the soothing balm for our wounds.

I can empathise with listening to a song on repeat to get through something painful or difficult. I'm glad you had Walk and Foo Fighters.

James, returns high 5! The fact that we both chucked a sickie yesterday made me laugh. Great (depressed) minds think alike ha, ha.

Thank you for the reassurance and encouragement. Yeah, we sometimes do need days off just for some r&r. It's just hard for me being Captain Perfectionist.

I don't go a day without music. I haven't really found any new music that I'm into lately aside from Conan Gray's songs (that I keep bringing up). I'm glad listening to music before bed helps- it can help you unwind.

Mary, thank you so much for the compliment and supportive words. Much appreciated and grateful for them.

You raised some good points about how support can play a role in one developing/not developing PTSD. To be honest, I hadn't even given PTSD much thought until I crossed paths with various BB members with PTSD. So it has been an "education" of sorts for me and it was also why I asked the question.

I think school helped a lot and may have been a key "buffer" for me (I'm only guessing as I can't really say anything was directly causal). Aside from some bullying in primary school- which was infrequent and didn't have a lasting negative effect of me- I generally enjoyed school.

It meant I had af least 6 hours away from home 5 days each week. I made friends fairly easily, and school prizes and awards probably helped me build some self esteem. Overall, school was a positive and enjoyable experience for me.

Also, music helped immensely. Most of my favourite childhood memories revolved around music. Keeps me sane.

I haven't heard of attachment trauma before but I've heard of attachment styles (although I'm not sure if it's related to it). It seems like you had a difficult childhood because of circumstances but I don't know if that makes it any better or worse either.

Yeah, I'm the same in the sense that I also feel better after I've showered and dressed. But sometimes pyjama days are needed too.

I guess I started this thread to ask questions and to talk about the blues in a general sense. I do feel a lot better after doing virtually nothing yesterday (I did feel guilty though).

Now it's time to tackle some uni work!

Thanks again,

Dottie x

[james1]

Hey Dottie struggled again today but I was messaging a friend and I thought the best way to make myself get out was to find some energy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures: I started talking about cheeses that I wanted to eat.

That got me up, haha.

So now I'm at work 🙂 Good luck with your uni work. Even a small amount is a big achievement 🙂

[aegidius]

Hi Dottie, have had a traumatic childhood at the hands of peers (school bullies etc) but parents/adults were fine, (apart from not really doing anything to help but that's understandable given the culture of the day) No PTSD and generally optimistic I'd say 70% of the time, but do have depressive episodes. Sometimes I think (actually pretty much all the time!) that nobody who really _thought_ about what was happening in the world could fail to be sad about it, especially these days... But then I probably think too much.

[Guest_322]

Thank you very much for the responses and apologies for my late reply.

James, well, you did the best you could at the time and that's all we can ever do. Also, there's nothing wrong with talking about cheese (I still maintain that avocados are a more intellectual conversation topic ha, ha).

Thank you and especially for your ongoing support. Appreciate it immensely.

Aegedius, school certainly was very rough and traumatic for you. Bullies can do a lot of damage although I'm glad to hear you sounding so resilient in spite of it. The depressive episodes must be awful but you have a great mindset.

[Guest_322]

*Aegidius, apologies for misspelling your name in my earlier post. I'm terrible at (not) editing.

[aegidius]

That's quite OK - everyone spells my real name wrong too 🙂 and thanks for your kind words.

[blondguy]

Hi Dottie

Im sorry that I have slack on not responding until now

MarkJT picked up on your question...

Dottie asked: "Also, anyone who has had a traumatic childhood but without PTSD? "

That really is an excellent question Dottie as I have seen the 'PTSD' label a lot on the forums.

I have had a traumatic childhood too. It was bad news but whether or not I have PTSD isnt relevant to me as I have been treating the anxiety & depression as my core health issues as a result of being bashed and belted as a boy when 'it was okay' to do it.

Just letting you know that you arent the only 'sad sack' here Dottie 🙂

I wish I had your intellect and people skills when I was younger...back in the late 14th century....lol

You are and always have been a breath of fresh air on these national forums Dottie

my kindest

Paul

[CMF]

Hey there

I'm a bit of a sad sack ATM. My anxiety has been playing up a bit the last 5 weeks or so but I just feel flat now. I was depressed as a teenager, it comes and goes in waves.

i don't struggle to get out of bed, no choice with 3 kids, but I'm just flat, not motivated. Had a good day today, got heaps done, but down and out now.

anyway, I see you around the forums Dorrie and think you are awesome.

bs

[Guest_322]

Hi there,

Thank you for all the lovely messages.

Aegidius, you're most welcome.

Paul, an apology is not needed at all. Thank you for dropping in and for all the thoughtful words and compliments.

And thank you again for making me feel a little less alone. The childhood violence you suffered sounds ghastly. Abuse is never okay.

BS, it's lovely to see you here. Thank you.

It must be hard for you to juggle the blues on top of all your other pressures and responsibilities. I can empathise with the waves.

Dottie x