Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[white knight]

Hi wantalife

Top answer.

We cant cure but we can divert, distract, occupy with passive sports, hobbies, projects,

We can tip the scales.

Tony WK

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottibluebell and All,

The positives in life don't have to be huge to make a difference to how we feel.

Many of us have been to that horrible dark place, just the hint of a glimmer of hope can be so very helpful in getting our minds out of the rut of despair.

The smell of a rose, the feeling of the sun on our skin, a cool breeze, a smile from a stranger, all things we can cherish and accumulate to add to our collection of acceptance of our sate.

Cheers to you from Dools

[Ulysses]

Wow dottibell

just wow. Look at you go! You’re still fighting hard and with have kids at your children’s ages, that fight can be really really hard. A doctor once told me to pretend I am a tree in the forest and my children are the wind. They blow through sometimes like a cyclone and my job is to try not to bend under their wind. I was sick myself and struggling with everything. But since she told me that I tried hard, at least when I wasn’t alone, to be as solid as an oak. Because if you let them witness your own emotions the turn into that cyclone. Of course you need all the other supports and you are going through SO much right now. Can you be kind to yourself for just a few minutes once a day also? I know self care is hard but spoiling yourself just once a day for a while is so rewarding

[White_Rose]

Dear Dottibluebell

I have to tell you how much in awe of you I am. I thought I had the corner in horrible life situations, or at least I did until I read your thread. All the pain you have endured with nothing more than your own determination and courage. You are truly wonderful.

Like everyone else here I'm not able to give you foolproof solutions. I wish I could. All I can offer is a way I have found to get out of some of the nasties. There are matters that I cannot change, just like you and fighting these makes it so much worse. Dools has suggested smelling the roses and that's good. What I have found is letting go of just a little bit of your pain and worry.

Many of the folk who are posting to you have said you must care for yourself in order to have the strength to care for others. That is true but so very hard to do. That pesky brain of ours keeps us marching to its tune with no time off for good behaviour. No, not a joke. It seems that whatever we do is insufficient, not up to standard, wrong choice etc. No need to tell you what you know.

What I know is that this brain can be defeated. Little steps to regain yourself and see more clearly where you are going. As I said above, letting go of just a little bit of your hurt. Look at yourself and see which small part you can leave behind. Nothing huge, no need to set the alarm bells ringing. Just a sneaky small part you can leave in the dustbin. I know it's easy for me to say this because I am not in your situation, but I have been in similar places.

It will take time to let go even a drop of hurt. Let a small part float away.

This is where I say I may be talking a huge pile of BS. If so then leave it, (or tell me it's BS). We all wish we could take you into our collective arms and keep you safe but sadly that's not possible. Talking via the forum is what we have and we will always be here.

Mary

[Ulysses]

Sorry dottibell

i somehow managed to miss reading half of your posts. I hope I didn’t sound like I was lecturing you because you are still a wonderful fighter for better things. Did you realise that everyone in your family is leaning on you and you’re still going. Go girl!

[Doolhof]

Dear Mary,

Just wanted to say thank you so very much for sharing. Your words have helped to encourage me, as I hope they do for others as well as yourself.

Cheers and hugs from Mrs. D.

[Guest_5809]

I am no fighter but a fool. Another night of family violence inflicted by 15yo. 14 yo and I left terrorised minor physical injuries but major emotional wounds. I am shattered just shattered this is my existence and authorities think 15 yo is best sent home with me still. I am drowning in my own grief.

[Guest_5809]

Thank you. It seems you may get where I am. Self care is impossible when you self loath so much for getting myself in such a position. I know that’s what I should be doing but I don’t see I am entitled to it. I feel selfish. Thank you for your reply yours like all the others add to my bag of knowledge.

[Guest_5809]

I do understand the desire to fix oh so well. That’s what I do best for others. Myself I see as undeserving. Right now knowing I have people like yourself looking out for me is all I can accept. Thank you

[Guest_5809]

To white night and wantalife. Right now I am in a chaotic ww3 environment. I can not accept that this is my life. It’s to retriggering and painful to do. Although I do understand what you are saying. Right now it’s about survival.