Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

I don’t cope very productively. I shut down and withdraw. It’s very triggering. My ex husband treated me very similar.

[Croix]

Actually Dotti I think that is all you - or anyone - can do anyway. If love and obligation makes you stay in the house what else is there? There is no 'productive' answer.

Calling the cops is one solution however it's not feasible anyway for angry over-the-top words. Even with physical violence it might get him away for a little while however I don't know what the results were with that family violence charge, but I'd bet it was messy and did not fix things.

So what is left? Shut down and withdraw I guess.

I can't do anything to help Dotti, I realy wish I could, the best I (and the the others here) can do is say I can understand and would be the same

Croix

Croix

[Guest_5809]

For the family violence matter he is on a limited IVO. That allows him in the home but not commit family violence. He has broken the letter box today cause he was angry. My youngest son wants him gone from the home. The tension is dreadful I’m thr house. It’s times like this I want out.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

That limited IVO sounds pretty useless, just throws the problem back at you. I can't say I'm surprised your youngest wants him out.

By sticking with this mess and not just going you really are showing how strong you are. (Yes, I know you won't accept that even if it is true).

Croix

[Guest_5809]

I am tired of up down up down. Tired of taking meds. I just want to be medication free and “happy”.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

I understand how you feel.

Look, I've been thinking about how I've been talking with you , and I'm not sure I'm doing much good. Each time I listen to the horrible things you have to deal with, point out you are better than you know, that your youngest is lucky to have you - and that basically is it. Not a lot to help you there, so I'll try taking another tack and see what happens.

You already contribute to another thread run by Demonblaster -

Forums / Suicidal thoughts and self-harm / Suicide: Why not? (Warning possible triggers)

Which is serious heavy stuff, I've written there myself too.

Now I have another thread called

Forums / Staying well / Store Your Happy Memories Here:

Now this thread is the opposite. Although occasionally a serious post slips in (you can skip those) it really is just what it says, a place to put down happy memories - no matter how old, no matter how small. The only rule is nothing sad.

People talk of 'getting out of the house', this tries to be the mental equivalent.

So why no go over and have a browse? Seeing other people being happy can lighten the mood. Maybe if you hark back to much earlier times you might find something happy to write down. If not just read what's there now and go back again another time or two later.

When I started it I thought I had nothing to put in there , as time has gone on I've surprised myself.

Croix

[Sad_Mushroom]

Hi Dotti,

No, we are not kidding ourselves. Things can get better.

Please keep faith and hope.

I don't want to try and offer advice because I'm not the best person to be advising anyone but I have been in and read your thread a few times and then just left without saying anything. I kept coming back because I wanted to say something but didn't know what to say.

Now I'm just rambling on....but I am thinking of you.

SM

[Guest_5809]

I do take on board lots of what you and other contributors say. Any small wins seem to be over shadowed by the darkness. I am at the point wete I don’t think I should allow myself any joy because in the end the crap overwhelms it. I come here to vent. No one can fix mh situation. Services don’t even know how to help us. We are in the too hard basket. I am sort of glad to know that now so I don’t hang on to something that will never happen. I am not angry at anyone or looking for pity. Sometimes it is just what is. I do appreciate all who respond. Believe me I really do. The fact you all take the time tp read my posts let alone respond makes me feel like somebody is looking out for me. Thank you thank you thank you.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

You'll have to forgive my trying other avenues, I guess many of us here - me included - have this desire to fix how you feel, even if the desire is unrealistic.

As for looking out for you, of course. You think it all bs but as I said I admire what you have done and continue to do. I doubt I'd be that good.

I know you are in bitter times, is there anything that gives you even a brief laugh?

Croix

[wantalife]

Instead of waiting for things to get better I learnt to live with the things that were. The result being "things got better" when in reality fact "nothing had changed". Perception is relative as is Response is condition. Expression however is infinite variable.