Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Guest_5809]

Thank you for dropping by and your response. It makes logical sense what you say. Whilst in survival mode it’s not so easy to stop and smell the roses. I wait for that day....

[Guest_5809]

I am just still going. There is no go girl. I am a fraud. I have failed my family.

[Doolhof]

Dear Dotti,

My heart goes out to you. I do not fully understand your situation, as I have never lived anything like you are experiencing. It must be horrific to endure all that is happening in your home.

When the violence happens, can you call the Police, is there someone who can take your son away when he behaves like that? Do you have a safe place to go when this happens?

Can you keep fighting this Dotti? Is there someone in authority who will listen o you and help? Are you able to film what goes on? Would that help at all?

I've endure physical and emotional violence from men in my life, must be even harder to understand when it comes from your own son.

Low self esteem, exhaustion, not knowing how to get help, feeling stuck, all of these things can add to us feeling like we don't deserve anything. Dear Dotti, you do deserve to feel like a precious person, one with the rights to feel a sense of self esteem and self worth. To be respected, acknowledged and appreciated.

Words. All I have is "Words" Dotti. My heart goes out to you.

It is tough when the life we had envisioned falls apart before us and we don't know how to fix it straight away or make it different.

I don't know what else to write Dotti. Thinking of you,

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_5809]

Police come rake him away for assessment or charge him call the dept and they say best in his mothers care to preserve the family. 3 people in a house living like this is no family. This was not how my life was meant to be. 1.30am 14 yo trying to defend his mum against 15 yo. Nothing about this is right. Nothing.

[Doolhof]

Dear Dotti,

I am so very sorry. My heart really goes out to you and both your children. Deep inside I wonder what your 15 year old thinks of himself.

Your situation sounds intolerable. I do so hope that something changes for the best. I don't know how. Just wish it was not so darn hard for people who are suffering to get the help and assistance they need.

[Ulysses]

This is so not true and you have to right this minute listen to your internal chatter and p it off. Ps I had a violent child and the best thing I ever. Did was get in touch with the domestic violence crisis service. Just wow they were great. People don’t really understand when you say your child is violent but boy they did

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

It is impossible, and we all worry about you. Saying you have failed is so far from the truth as to be just plain silly.

Why on earth does the department say he should come back? Are they waiting a certain number of times for him to be hauled away by the police before they change their minds?

Do you think his not being allowed back - at least for a while - is something that should happen?

Croix

[Doolhof]

Dear Dotti,

My parents did the best they could to try and bring me up to be a reasonable kind of a person.

There are moments in my life as a teenager and young adult where I was a really angry individual and sometimes a very nasty person.

My parents did their best. They had control over my actions to a point. At a certain age I needed to start to take control of my actions and be responsible for my own behaviour.

Dear Dotti, it is extremely unfortunate your son is having all these issues and is forcing his behaviour onto you and others.

Blaming yourself for his behaviour may seem understandable when you are feeling so low, but it is not something you have to beat yourself up for. Unfortunately horrible things happen.

As hard as it is Dotti, I hope you can believe in yourself. I know I have struggled for decades to believe in myself and still do.

You are worth the effort Dotti, the effort of learning how to feel better about yourself.

Regards and empathy to you, from Dools

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

We wonder how you are getting on. We do value you

Croix

[Guest_5809]

Hi Croix

i feel very alone and unloveable. My life is a mess the kids lives are a mess. I dread this time of year. It’s meant to be creating good memories for the kids. All I do is cry.

I appreciate you asking after me. It means a lot that someone is.