Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

The one memory every kid on earth needs, at Christmas time or any other time too, is of a loving mother. You provide that in spades. They are not old enough to appreciate or understand, and maybe your oldest never will.

I think later in life your youngest will have an idea of the hell you go though for them. So many would have walked away, saying life is too hard, you stick.

So you do what you can for Christmas. Please if there is any spare cash or goodies divide 3 ways, with you getting a generous share -not selfish, just a greatly deserved reward. Goes against the grain? Yes, but the grain is not always right.

Croix

[Ulysses]

Hi ditto b b

can I suggest you let go of the Christmas guilt you’re feeling? You don’t have to perform. Just do the best you can. I decided to take off the pressure surrounding Christmas and things have improved.

[Guest_5809]

I honestly feel like giving up on mr 15. It’s either him or me. It is draining the life out of me. He told me very clearly he has no and never has had any respect for me. I am hanging on by a thread. Trying to stay upbeat wearing that great mask. I know it won’t take much at this point to slip back down.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

If your 14yo tries to defend you then you have done an awful lot right. There is love there. All any of us can do is hope our kids turn out OK, and sadly not all do, even with great effort and love.

Everybody makes their own way in the world, and it starts young. At 15 he is not a adult, but so close. At 18 he will be one. He has already laid down his pathway and I doubt there is much you - or anyone else - can do as things stand to change that.

No other real words at the moment Dotti, try to spoil your self in little ways as Christmas, you deserve a lot.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Dear Dotti,

At 15 I was a very angry, confused, troubled mixed up kid who had no idea how much I was hurting people around me. Hopefully one day your son will realise what he had in a Mum like you!

Like Croix, I too hope you are able to think of yourself, realise you have done all you can, and to know some kids just go off the rails no matter how much they are loved and cared for.

Wishing you a Christmas where you feel self love and care Dotti!

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_5809]

Mr 15 refuses to join in with Christmas. I am tired of the battle so I am not going to bother to try and convince him. 14 yo lives Christmas so it’s about him this year. If i don’t focus on him I will sink.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to you all. Thank you for all your support to date. It has meant so much to me to know that there is people out their who get it and care.

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

15yo may have done you a favor unintentionally.

Thanks for thinking of us, I hope you and your 14 year old share Christmas together in a little bubble of happiness and fun.

Croix

[Sad_Mushroom]

Morning Dotti,

15yo is old enough to be responsible for their own actions. If he doesn't want Christmas, so be it.

There's nothing wrong with yourself and 14yo enjoying this time together.

Wishing you a Merry Christmas.

SM

[Guest_5809]

Feeling like I can trust no one in this world

[Croix]

Dear Dotti~

It sounds as if something not good has happened since we last spoke. Did you and your 14yo manage anything over Christmas?

As for trusting anyone, I guess for me it is a sliding scale, a lot I don't trust at all, some I'd trust to go to the shop for me, a few I'd trust with anything to do with money and property, and maybe 2 I'd trust completely.

Government officials, including health and other services, can be OK on an individual basis, unfortunately the departments they belong to are often flawed.

Croix