Anyone had to spend days alone without anyone to talk to?

[Hanna3]

Hi all, apart from here and a brief visit to church last night (to make it feel Christmassy and to just be with people) I've had day after day for weeks now with nobody at all to talk to. This time of year especially it's really depressing. Old friends that live far away are gradually losing contact with me - I ring them but they don't ring me. I understand they're busy with their live elsewhere but still it's hard when you're lonely. I'm going to a Christmas Eve service at the local church tomorrow night to at least be with people for a little while... but otherwise all day I'm alone, just me and the dog. Sometimes I strike up a conversation on BB but then the other person disappears and that's the end of that...

How are people meant to cope with prolonged periods of social isolation? I read, I watch DVDs, normally I'd go for long walks with the dog but thick smoke from bushfires and intense hot weather have stopped that. I go to a café alone sometimes. Any ideas/help?

[Hanna3]

Hi mb20,

Sorry I've been out today and only just home to respond to your post. I am sorry people in the town seem to be mostly older and not including you. I'm still not sure if you moved there alone or have family/partner/friend with you to give you company?

Were you happier where you lived before you moved? Any chance of moving back, or moving somewhere else you might be happier?

In small towns people do tend to choose people they know and not newcomers so I can understand you might very well be being excluded - and that's not a nice feeling. Maybe if they are older they are choosing people closer to their age instead of a young person such as yourself?

There is a forum for people under 25 here I wonder if that might help you? Of course you are very welcome here but I wondered if the people there, closer to your age, might be able to help you? I am really sorry things aren't working out well for you where you are, and you are missing your dog companions from the past which I do really understand. Our dogs are much loved and important companions and we miss them terribly don't we!

Do your GP/Psych have any suggestions for you that might help/make you feel less lonely? Are you up to volunteering anywhere, liked an aged care home, just for someone to talk to? I don't know if you're up to this with social anxiety I'm just trying to throw out some ideas for you...

I'm glad you have a good couple of professional people there to talk to. I'm just wondering if you want to persist living here or try somewhere else? I know that costs money and may be difficult to do and means starting over again in a new place.

I really hope getting to chat to people here might give you some "friends"- even if we do type instead of talk - and might help you sort out what might be the best options for your future so you can be happier? Great that you can try the BB Café, or join in some of the silly games on the social forum, or start talking to people on the Young People's forum - the more you get to know a few people on BB the more you will feel like you have people to talk to here at least.

Am happy to chat to you more, again sorry I was not able to reply to you earlier today. Take care and do stick around BB and see how you go.

[Guest_4643]

Hi Hanna, no worries at all, I've been busy myself lately, had a Doctors appointment today so I understand. I hope things are OK for you.

I live here with my parents, sorry for not clarifying that, and I don't have any siblings. We moved up here because we wanted a more peaceful town mostly, and yes it is peaceful here. I was about the same before we moved, but I do seem more depressed here, my K10 score has even gone up and I started medication last year in August, and have tried a few so far. But in saying that, I guess that's a good thing because in a way it's being taken care of I guess you could say. I'm unsure about moving back or moving somewhere else, it's quite difficult but my parents and I have looked into it a lot.

I did see that forum thread for people under 25 and I'll have a look at that later on tonight or when I have the chance, thanks for that. Thanks for your responses, it means a lot and I do appreciate them a lot, believe me. thanks for saying i'm welcome here also.

My GP and Psychiatrist have given me ideas yes, and I've tried all of those, well all except buying and reading a book called Beating The Blues that my psychiatrist recommended but I'll get onto that, I'm just not a big reader, have to be in the mood. But it could be beneficial so I'll give it a go sometime. Never read a self help book before.

I'm also doing a free Mindspot course which isn't really helping, but that's just my opinion and yes Mindspot, my parents, GP and Psychiatrist know all of this and everything else, especially my parents and Psychiatrist who I'm most comfortable with, and I'm glad I found my Psychiatrist, I'm so thankful.

As for volunteering, I did do that in high school at aged care and enjoyed it. However, I've asked everywhere and I mean everywhere here (furniture stores, op shops, aged care, hospitals, everything) if I can volunteer and they always say no, I'm not sure why, same with jobs and studying (plus studying is SO expensive but I've looked into it trust me), which is hurtful. So I've tried everything and I feel hurt, discriminated against and out of options but I'm doing my best with everything as much as I can, believe me.

Thanks for your suggestions though. I'm not really sure about moving, it's a hard decision. Thanks, I hope you can find some support and friends here too, and I hope I find some myself. It seems good so far and I hope it stays that way. No worries you couldn't reply straight away.

Thanks again, please take care.

Tayla xo

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws Hi Katy!

Either of you got any ideas to help with this problem...

New neighbours moved in at the back of me a little while ago. The two big dogs are Rottweilers I've discovered. They don't seem to be exercised and are kept cooped up on a tiny porch and then let out into the yard backing onto mine late in the day.

Yesterday I found there is an old hole in the bottom of my fence (don't know if it belongs jointly to Housing and other properties or not) that had been fixed up with bricks so I'd never noticed it. The big dogs have pushed bricks away and now are digging a hole underneath the fence bit enough that yesterday one had his head through it with my silly little mutt Sam egging him on by huffing and puffing at him. Ran inside and got the lead and got Sam away.

Now I don't dare let Sam out into our backyard. Have to keep him on the lead and go to the front yard Have tried to call out to neighbours who own the dogs at the time and again today but although the door is open and window open nobody answers. Drove past in their street, the place looks all locked up although a car is there. Someone is clearly there feeding the dogs but from inside the house, before they always came outdoors. I know it's a young couple.

I should speak to them, I would if I could talk to them across the fence outdoors, but I am incredibly anxious about going up to their front door as it's two against one and I don't know if they are nice or nasty. I get very shaky if people are nasty.

I can ring Maintenance tomorrow and find out if Housing will send someone out to look at a way of securing the fence on this side...

I've thought of putting a note on their front door about their dogs digging under the fence and being able to reach my dog and now I can't safely have my dog in the yard, and I don't feel safe myself - if these two big dogs dig any deeper they could get through and they are bad news. I thought make it polite, say I'm ringing Housing about the fence but also need them to find a way to stop their dogs digging under it.

I don't think the ranger will do anything. Spoke to someone today who is having trouble with a neighbour's cattle dog digging under her fence and getting in, she said owner won't do anything and nobody seems to want to help.

Anyone got any thoughts? Yesterday the dog could easily have got hold of Sammy's snout and could have really injured or killed him, lucky I got there in time. Is leaving a note OK? Or phone ranger?

[Hanna3]

Oh and Paws, I thought of you last night I was reading the book on Animal Companions and it had a photograph of a letter written 500 years ago (couldn't read it) with a dog's paw print over the writing! A 500 year old dog paw print that the dog had put on top of the letter, don't know if the writer dipped it's paw in the ink or it just trod on the letter - but it was perfect for you with your name Paw Prints!

[Hanna3]

Hi Mb20,

How have your parents found the town? Do they have friends there or are they finding it unfriendly too?

Maybe ask on the forum for younger people if others have suffered the sort of discrimination you are when you try to volunteer and see if anyone has any ideas. I'm not sure if it's because they don't know you and are cliquey, or because you are young, or what. Wish I could be more help. Glad to see you staying on BB it will help just get used to getting around the site, it takes a little while. Take care.

[Guest_4643]

Thanks Hanna.

Yeah they like it some days and find it unfriendly mostly too, like I do. Long story why we moved here and why we can't just move straight away also.

But I understand your point. I'll check out forums for younger people like the one you recommended.

Thanks,

Tayla

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Hanna

That's a bit of a yukky situation. I don't like having to deal with things like that either. I had a somewhat similar situation with my neighbour and their dog, only mine was the bigger one and theirs the huffy puffy one lol. There was a gap in our fence and every time my dog would be happily playing outside, their dog would stick it's snout through the fence and yap annoyingly. My dog got sick of listening to it one day and went and bit it on the snout! The neighbours fixed that gap in the fence pretty quick. I only felt a little bad as it wasn't really my fault. The yapping didn't stop though and I got sick of listening to it. I left a polite note in the letterbox and they were good and sorted their dog out, which I really appreciated. But you're right it does really depend on the person. I don't like confrontation so I wouldn't go knocking just in case, but you never know what will happen with a note either. It's a hard one. Do you know if they are public housing tenants or private? If they are public housing, you might be able to get it sorted out that way, by contacting them.

In the meantime, I wonder if you have something that you can put there as a barrier, so that you and Sam can feel safe in your yard until you get it properly sorted? Sorry I don't have more ideas for you. You're having a run of not good things happening, but I'm hopeful it gets sorted out like the last two things did. Fingers crossed.

[Hanna3]

Hi Katy,

It's an old house that was recently "done up" by someone so either it's a private rental or they're friends of whoever fixed it up. It's not public housing.

The dogs are truly scary. I don't have the ability to put up anything strong enough to stop them coming through, they are the size of Shetland ponies and there's two of them. I'll phone Maintenance tomorrow and I think phone the ranger and ask for advice... Sam definitely isn't safe out there and I don't feel safe either.

Your story was rather funny! These dogs are massive and it's really scary... thanks anyway. Cheers.

[Paw Prints]

Hi Hanna,

I think it's sensible to keep Sam restricted til the fence is fixed. Rotti's are hunting dogs by nature, so unless they've been well trained & socialised I would be very wary of them. If properly raised they can be big softies.

The owners may not realise their dogs are digging through to yours, a polite note letting then know shouldn't ruffle any feathers.

I know in Vic that dogs must be kept secure on their property or the ranger will issue an order to secure the property, also if the dogs make someone feel unsafe the owners risk having their dogs declared dangerous with all the attached restrictions. I guess other states have something similiar.

I really hope this can be sorted quickly for you.

Take care

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Paws,

Thanks for that. I'm a bit worried about contacting the Ranger as I've realised I haven't had my dog's registration changed over to this address yet so I'm anxious they might realise. I've only just thought about it.

I don't see these dogs exercised at all, they seem to be cooped up most of the day on the tiny porch, hence the barking and aggression I'd say.

Am feeling overwhelmed by everything this morning - had a notice from the library that I have to pay almost $25 for a book I have returned damaged and I've never damaged a book in my life, I have lots of them and I always keep them beautifully, I'm really fussy about books - so now I have to go to the library, for the life of me I can't see how it was damaged, it was fine when I returned it a few days ago. I never damage books, even dog eared corners drive me nuts! I am wondering what else can go wrong here in this place!

I really feel just like retreating and I don't even want to keep going to the choir next week when it starts up, I don't like performing, really I'm tired of singing. I'm thinking I'll just have to think living here is for the time being but not permanent, I'll find a way out somehow, and meanwhile just get through the awful summer heat then in autumn just take Sam for walks, read, go once a month to the book club, live really quietly and just kind of hunker down as it's all become overwhelming. I don't know what to do about fixing the fence.

I'll try writing a note and putting in the letterbox or under the front door of the owners of the dogs. I'll just make it brief and polite.

Think it's all got to me Paws - the library book and the scary dogs have just finally done me in, after the parking problem and the Housing inspection stuff. I feel like curling up in a corner and just never going outside again! Oh dear. Thanks for your reply which really helped. xx