Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and everyone....🤗

Tess, I think you would make a good volunteer....I really do think that my volunteering has helped me with my anxiety...I do have to swallow hard and take a few deep breathes some days to get there, but once I’m inside the doors I seem to be less anxious....I really hope that you are able to do it....but if not, that’s okay as well...

Thank you Hanna...the new lady didn’t turn up....

Work on Monday was good...Tuesday for me was a disaster...Really don’t want to talk about it...

I have a couple of little booklets, one is crosswords, the other is called brain training..with lots of different word games and puzzles in...When I saw them, I thought how good these could be...and was very enthusiastic in buying and starting them....That was a few months ago..and I haven’t even opened them up....everything just seems to hard for me to do....have been like this for a long time...

I started a jig saw puzzle after Christmas...spent some time trying to do it...yeah right!..... it’s now been boxed up and donated to Vinnies....I want to do these things but can’t bring myself to actually doing them...no concentration at all.....everything to me is a chore, and means nothing to me..been like this for so many years now...I will get enthusiastic and excited about starting something, then after a few hours...I just feel like “meh”..and don’t see any point in continuing... I suppose I can’t find a reason to do them...idk..

I have been watching some old shows on YouTube.. Bonanza, Daniel Boone, My three sons, Family affair..and a few more...also I like to go on virtual walks around different beaches, cities etc..from around the world....

Its sad Hanna, that your not asked to join them...They are the ones loosing out, by not getting to know you....I hope that now most of the restrictions are lifted, they become more friendly with you....Dogs do seem to be smiling when they are running around and playing....Don’t they?..like little children without a care in the world..

Hope everyone has a nice day today..

Hiya bbff....puabok..💚🕊🌱..Here you go dear friend...🤾‍♀️🏀🏀..catch it and open it up...hmmm what’s inside?...💚🕊🌱🌹🦋🧸🤗....love you..

My love, care and hugs to everyone...💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi lovelies here and readers ☺

Hey dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 At times like for our gorgeous missed and loved Peppystar 🍫🌟get part way through a fantasy 🎁 like yours and have some neaties ideas but get stuck doing it. The good is have given more thought it's just yeah same the doing bit but all good lovely it's appropriate to finish your prezzy if not today very soon dear lovely one 🤗

I was reluctant to say out loud honeyheart but you've mentioned before so Happy birthday beautiful 🎉🎈✨🎁🎀🌈⛅🌞🤗😚 have the right day?

Hey gorgeous we're with you not only today but every day and your bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩🤝👀👂💜 every minute.

Going to watch more of the show we're SO into with other besty v.soon so on return will get that prezzy sorted.

Few things I want to chat with you and of course everyone included esp re motivation. I think I'm getting a breakthrough that might really hope so help you and others.

Oh oh a day or 2 later than planned but actually started last night that biggly jobby so then when its done which this time it will happen then onto your other 🎁🎀 on the waiting list of 2 do's connected with our team motivation thingy we're doing. It's ok please don't worry if it hasn't started yet I'll chat more later but suggesting keep allowing thought of how to go about it and if you can shoo 👟 go on choof any guilt or negatives beasty throws at you. [IT xx] knows nothing if it's just rubbish thoughts!

Actually looking forward to that and it's super special.

Sorry hearing Tues was a disaster sweety. If you're up to maybe later on to talk about it. No pressure lovey 😊

So today enjoy Mrs beautiful friend of many 😚

Untold lasting 4evs love care and appreciation and hugs galore with heaps of happies 😊😉😆😅😄😃🤣😂😀

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌈⛅🌞

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...

Thank you so much for wishing me a Happy Birthday...l

Yes you have the right day...💚..

Thank you for understanding about Tuesday....maybe later..

Big love and hugs dearest bbff....🤗💚🕊🌱🧸.

hugs everyone with my care and love..💜🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I'm so sorry, I've been preoccupied about little Sam all day today... sending you very best wishes for your birthday dear lady! I hope you have treated yourself to something nice.. have you told them in the BB cafe?

Much love and hugs oxoxoxoxo

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Wishing you a very happy birthday lass 💜💜... with lots of choccy 🍫& other yummies... I was going to suggest spoiling yourself with a bubble bath... probably not the right weather for one of those... unless you make it a cool bath..

Huggliest of 🧸 hugs... with birthday nose bops from Woofa 🐾

Paws

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Awww happy birthday lovely Grandy 🥳

What kind of cake do you love? Let’s have a giant one of those with enough pieces for everyone on BB, and some pupcakes for our little buddies 🧁

big hug, Katy

[monkey_magic]

Happy birthday 🎊💐🎂🎁🎈🎉🎊 to the loveliest Grandy. Thankyou for all that you do on Beyond blue forums. You are a treasure.

Enjoy your day!

🎊💐🎂🎁🎈🎉🎊

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I think we just crossed over, your comment on my thread turned up just as I was finishing a post there too!

I'm so sorry I didn't have much time to wish you a happy birthday yesterday, I was a bit too preoccupied with little Sam... it's good to have him back home with me, and he's very hungry! He was very dehydrated so being on the drip at the vet has really helped him.

So did you do anything nice for yourself? I hope you treated yourself to something a bit special!!! Did the ladies at the store know/do anything for you?

We should have organised a party here on BB for you!! What kind of cake do you like? I think a chocolate cae with cherries would be good... a really dark rich one... with cream... and champagne...

I hope you managed to put on your party hat and rock n roll a bit yesterday dear lady! Biggest hugs for your birthday! oxoxoxoxxooxoxoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 👋

Sweetyheart I think I know the answer but going to ask anyway R U O K.

I'm not pushing ...truth... but I suspect you're not dear lady and thinking it's likely Tuesdays dropped you 🤗 poor darling friend. Don't ever like seeing my bbff down 💔😢

Is there anything I/we can do?

Hun I'm wondering if you're on a down from mania which as we too well know doesn't need anything bad happening to take us right down.

These days I get a little comfort in knowing we'll later be looking back on the hards that of course PTSD doesn't allow it to stay there but having the knowledge we can work through that too gives at least some light.

I truly believe in you dear friend and that we'll continue to rise above our pain as we're becoming stronger although it certainly so often doesn't feel that way does it but we are.

The more we back ourselves and remember how far we've come is proof we're capable of so much more.

I dearly hope you can see the beauty in this piece of magic I'd like to put in your mind for keeps darlin 🌈

I've noticed over the past couple of days looking out the kitchen window 4 perfectly spaced drops of rain that look so peaceful gently hanging below one of the longish slender leaves that are horizontal. I think it's part of ? Pine tree family.

A little light reaching through them gives them a glassy type look almost as if a smooth crystal.

The drops look as though they're quite content there with no hurry to leave.

So lovely lady ☺ I know you love nature Grandy. The simplest things can give so much pleasure.

Never forget darlin you/we all are so much stronger than we think. Let yourself believe that because it's true.

Always the deepest love care and respect for you ☺

Rest up hun you're loved and cared deeply about by so many 🤗

We'll get there hun. We're starting to. With every fall we'll rise stronger... together 🤝... all of us... because we can!

👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫🍫👀👂🌞🌈

[Ggrand]

Hello Katy, Magic, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and all...🤗.

Thank you all again for wishing me a happy birthday...

Hanna, please don’t be sorry...I am so pleased little Sam is back home in your loving care...Our pets are our babies and we worry over them endlessly...

My favourite cake...hmmm I have so many...Chocolate cake with Cherries sound so yummy....

Betty and I went to the local soldiers club and used our dine in vouchers...We both had honeyed chicken with wild rice, garlic bread and some soda water with a slice of lemon in it....We found a quiet table, towards the back in the dining area....I don’t do very well with crowds...they mentally drain me while I’m trying to hide the anxiety I feel and trying to keep still...I lasted an hour before we went home...I done good..

Both my son’s rang me yesterday...and so did my youngest brother.....those phone calls made my day special...so did all the birthday wishes from all the beautiful people here on BB....

I hope everyone has a pleasant night tonight..

Special SSS Love Dear bbff....💚🌹🦋🌱🧸🤗..one day...I Hope comes very soon...

My love, care and hugs to you all.....

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..