Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hey sweetygirl 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

I started a reply yesterday, finally got it finished much too early but at least done.

Just needing to edit my gorgeous it's way over the letter count. Be easier if my note thingy had one

Goin back to bed lovely

Anyhoo bbl. Hope you're good dear lady ⛅

Always love precious 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 & all ☺

So warming good things goin on Grandz.
Positives would contribute largely to healing
Wow the relief for Ben improving would be like flood gates opening I bet
He sounds like he might be pretty fit. Clearly taken tips from me. And re his staff that's awesome

Good she's back you like her. Maybe she can help pull their heads in.

I'm liking just on one of your days cause you still still get the people contact & potential new friendships.
Are you ok about the 1 day now?

It moved me too that some of the customers missed you.GOLD! Smiling as I write
I maintain precious so so proud of you.

Grandz Oh hun I hear you about motivation.
We'll get there and when we do I reckon it'll make a marked difference in our mh.
Distraction achievements movement variety stimulation pleasure reasons to get up. Probs be a help with weight loss too.You don't sound like you have much to lose well done

Cool the Pumpkins pushing on.
Interesting 110 days to ripen

I think too Mulberries have a stronger yum than Blueberries.
I think Katy they're very high Vit C so a good one to love

We had some Royal Gala apples that are quite cheap & loaded with flavour.
Aren't we lucky having so much variety on this incredible planet.

I really liked Katys reply - " I don’t know if doing enjoyable things count as a wasted life, do they?"

Darlin we need to choof those non productive thoughts... go on ...shoo 👟

They fill our heads & waste time & energy needed for better more productive thought.

Darling Grandy but you are lovey. You're majorly contributing not only to your community without pay in the op shop also Australia wide here as a CC and as a Grandy.
You're helping so many especially your bbff
Sounds very productive to me ⚘

Well done our Pawsy 🐾 you had some great bark ideas. I drew a blank. Spose I got some drawing done tho 😄

That'd be lovely shedding it's skin.
Don't know if it's a paperbark that hear has a few. Love all the bits hanging. It's like a tasteful
shaggy clothing look.

Darlin A 🗯 we've touched on before.
You find peace & pleasure being on the veranda & looking at the gumtree.
Howzabout with a pencil so you can rub out if need be & draw the tree.
Take as long as you like.
When you're happy with it you could show us on your Avatar for a bit. I'll do something too to show you that's been on my 108.2 km list too. We can together

Reckon everyone would like to see it

Deep lasting love my/our darlin 👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝👂

[Ggrand]

Hi, Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws, Hanna, Katy and all....🤗..

Croix, yes it’s strange in a way how some positives can be found in something terrible...I had a huge fear of driving that far for many years...then I drove their without even thinking of my fears....Thoughts really do stop us from doing things that we think we can’t do...

I have a lot of jobs here that need doing...I get so frustrated with my non motivation in getting them done...yet I can play internet games for hours...that makes me feel so guilty and lazy...it’s just not right to play games...when I need to keep the upkeep of this place going...my late husband would be calling me all sorts of things if he knew...sometimes I think he may have spoken the truth about my laziness..

Work was good...I do enjoy one day in the shop serving and helping the customers and the same outback sorting I enjoy....we have a new lady starting on Tuesday...I do hope she is friendly and works well....Looking forward to the extra help outback....it’s been only myself, when I’m outback and it gets really tiring and heavy, caring the donations outback...

I haven’t sat outside since I’ve been back..don’t know I just can’t relax enough to do that plus I’m avoiding Mrs nsc...When I got home and went to hers to thank her for looking after my fur girls...She started talking about the war, got really loud and cranky, I felt like she was attacking me as an Australian, because the war is around her place of birth...I had to leave fast and haven’t seen her since by avoiding her...

Hmm, me drawing a tree..not sure what’s worse..my singing or my drawing 🤗..but I will try to draw it Deebi...practice does make things better...maybe if it looks okay I’ll make it my Avatar for a week...

My son is healing okay, except he has a few infections forming on a few of his deepest burns..especially his ear...Hopefully the burns specialist can get those sorted out fairly quickly..

I hope everyone is enjoying their day..hugs and love everyone..💜🤗🌹.

Heya 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Besty...I hope your doing okay..special bbff love and care..👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💚🦋🧸🕊🌱..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Granmdy, wave to all,

Wow you should see the big happy smile on my face after reading:

"Work was good...I do enjoy one day in the shop serving and helping the customers and the same outback sorting I enjoy.."

Yay you!!!... I love seeing you make such positive steps when trying things out of your comfort zone....

I don't think it is laziness... I do wonder if our tendency to lose ourselves on our computers instead of doing housework has something to do with formerly having to have everything spick & span... meals ready at a set time etc... is it because doing housework has echoes of that time is that why we struggle now doing it? I think it must be something like that... because if we were simply lazy I don't think not doing it would bother us as much as it does.

Could you sit out front early before Mrs nsc gets up??... I remember you did something like that before so you could still feed the birds. I don't like the thought of you being stopped from enjoying nature...

It is good to hear your son is making progress... Woofa &I will keep our paws & fingers crossed for him that they get on top of the infections quickly...

Huge hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Heya gorjy bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all ☺

Hopefully poor Bens ouch infections will be quick healing with treatment. They'd have a lot of experience esp in burn areas. Poor fella

Ditto our Pawsy many happies hearing you're enjoying a day front & 1 back
I've always loved & admired you giving things a go. Survival at it's best Floss & mighty courageous 🤗

Grandz Pawsy is so on the mark-she's a cluey wise lassy. Agree re housework & games.
Now this'll sound like an ego trip 😆 just saying that about Pawsy that I was thinking along similar lines re previous hubby treatment.

Games are a safe place giving comfort/pleasure/achievements/stimulation & not hurting you or anyone. In fact the opposite.
A temporary sanctuary away from negative headspace and pain we need

I wonder Grandz if it's a subconscious part of your healing & taking your life back by rebelling as a result of the atrocious treatment! Now that you can avoid it without severe consequences

I like you're doing now your own thing.
Only part I wasn't keen - uh oh... hands on hips & da foots a stampin 😁 is you're nearly accepting beastys downs re laziness.
No you're not lazy lovey you have severe mh issues that put the brakes on. That's ok we're learning to ease them off in baby steps.

And you wouldn't be volunteering at work & here or do lawns garden & cook lovely meals for me/us 😂. Bin it hun... oh no - not the meal 🤣

V.true about thoughts stopping us.
So often when we have to do it it's not as we thought. Good news darl.

Ahh shame Mrs nsc carrying on like she does & having to avoid her.
Maybe pop inside every now and then come out with the phone to your ear do a bit of nodding and talking at times.
A harmless White lie maybe that you have to ring family soon so just came out for a breather first.
Or you have to go back in at times to check on what you're cooking.

Grandz I didnt know I had ability to draw until older yrs.
Didn't click yrs ago I drew my hand in a fist which was detailed. It was very average to begin with.
I practiced over & over. It became very real looking.
Put them amongst magazines in a nurses home. A girl asked who did the hands they're really good.
I'm not sure having an ability was the only key. Practise and repetition makes it work, same with other things too.

We're capable of SO much more than we think darlin & Grandy thank you for having a go ☺ that'll help me too because I'll join you and work on my surprise for you blossom 🌱

👩‍❤️‍👩4evs💜🤝👀👂pubAok 🗯💫

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

you sound like you are doing well. Enjoying the work is great. I agree with Paws and Deebie, you are not lazy. Apart from anything else you are older now than when your husband was alive, and besides you don’t have to dance to his drum anymore. I am sure your home is clean and hygienic. If you enjoy the computer games, go for it I say.

poor MRS NSC. If she was born in that area of the Ukraine, it must be terrible and now to have Russia making another grab for Eastern Europe, must be terrifying, even though she is safe. I am sure she wasn’t meaning to have a go at you.

Your son must have been badly hurt and it must be a relief to know he is improving so much. Burns are very susceptible to infection, but I am sure his doctors and nurses can treat them.

you did so well to drive to him like that and not think about your own fears . You are a lovely mother

take care Grandy

tess

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I mention Mrs Nsc on Paw's thread.. I think she is just upset...

I wanted to say, I am so pleased you are enjoying the store.. I was so worried ages ago when you were thinking of leaving it entirely - I remember thinking, what will you do without one day at least that gives your week structure and opportunity for social contact with other people.. you would just drift without that - so I was so anxious that you wouldn't decide to leave... And there you are, happily enjoying it and doing the till... I am so very, very pleased for you Grandy! Well done you!!!

Big grin!

[Ggrand]

Hi, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess, Hanna and all...🤗..

Awe thank you all...I really do enjoy being at work...I work with my r/l best friend Betty* and two other ladies that I have come to trust....Hopefully the new lady starting on Tuesday will be friendly....The ladies working on the remaining week days are not nice and they started bullying us...That has stopped because they are not allowed to come into the shop on Mondays and Tuesday....

You know, I think your right..Maybe I am rebelling a bit with my house work....My house is always...well mostly always very clean and tidy...Its hard for me not to have a clean home....I used to constantly look for dust, dirt, finger marks, paw marks, fur etc...then cleaning it up straight away....but, I have slowed down doing that...😁.

I know in my heart, that work is getting me out..if I didn’t have work, then I wouldn’t have a reason to go out anywhere....and would more then not isolate myself again....

I have heaps of bark in a pile out back...I stand on it and the sounds of it crunching under my feet sounds nice..I will put it in my garden soon...Pumpkins are starting to go a nice tan colour...I counted 9, I have promised one each to Betty, Mrs nsc, another friend of Mrs. nsc...and I’ll probably take 2 into work for the other 2 that work on our days...

I found some charcoal pencils, that used to belong to my younger son....maybe easier drawing no, filling in and shading with them... 🎨 watch out Picasso...Grandy is just getting started 🎨...

I’m off to bed now...I hope you all have a peaceful sleep tonight...I need at least 2 hours in the morning to get mind ready enough to get outside and into my car...😁.

Hugs all round with my care and love..🤗🤗💜🧸🦋 .

sss love with Kind thoughts dearest bbff...💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌹🦋🕊.💭.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

ps..so nice seeing you Tess...I do hope you are okay...Always here for you dear friend...

[Tess2]

Hi Grandy,

thanks for the special mention.

I am ok, like many I have my ok days and not so ok. Anxiety gets to me more than the depression these days. I need to get out more, and have been thinkingof volunteering at something.

I really identify with you saying you need a couple of hours before getting out. I need to get my mind ready before getting up and doing anything. I sleep to avoid life too not good, but sometimes it’s all I’ve got.

tess

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and Tess and Deebi and everyone

I'm so pleased you're enjoying the shop! How did yesterday go with the new lady? Isn't it good you have a couple of busy days with company to look forward to and enjoy Grandy! Well done you!

A little bit of rain here tonight but not much. The floods look terrible, I was talking to friends in the city and they said the rain hasn't stopped day after day there.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow which I am definitely not looking forward to. Took Sam to the dog park this afternoon, the dogs have smiles on their faces as they run around together. The ladies are pleasant but have known each other for a long time and nobody ever suggests I meet up with them for a cuppa. I wonder why they don't think to be a bit more hospitable to someone new here (although it's been two years but we've had the virus and lockdowns, so I've had to chance to meet anyone!) It is tough in these towns though isn't it?

Grandy, I buy little booklets of "find the word" puzzles at the newsagent. You look at scrambled letters and have to find the words hidden there. Puzzles are very good for you mind as you have to concentrate, like jigsaws. I wonder if you would like these kind of puzzle books, they're not crosswords. Just a thought.

I also watch and listen to some lovely music on Utube. I love my little tablet that I bought for watching utube videos.

We are lucky not to be flooded like the poor folk in other places. I hear they are evacuating people outside of Sydney...

Stay warm and dry! Big hugs from us here! oxoxoxoxox