Dear Grandy~
You are more than wise enough to know that in the past you were injured by a husband that abused you -the very person whom should have been a comfort and support. You also know that injury hurt your inside in such a way that feeling guilt, greed, selfish, sadness and a host of other emotions have been made to come to the surface when entirely undeserved.
It is a sad fact that so many who have been abused end up blaming themselves . No idea why, all I know it is horrible to live with and very limiting.
You have now had two important victories, the first being you overcame natural reluctance and stood up for what was right, something to look back on with pride, something that might actually be a help in future situations.
The second is that you won over the dolls. Dishonesty was thwarted. NO, it was not a formal win with apologies and direct phone calls, but it was a win nevertheless. Your standing and reputation stood yo in good stead.
Now you are talking of giving it away, "I have lost the only thing that made me feel of value to myself and others in the outside world..."
OK you could do that, and I'm sure at this moment you feel you cannot do anything else. I wish you could get angry about others taking that away from you.
You do have alternatives, the first being to stay home,
another fronting up to the shop on Tuesday and just working, (No not your preferred option),
another might be to ring the overall supervisor yourself and explain you do not feel capable of returning under the current circumstances and see what is said, maybe a position when those two are not on, maybe another position entirely you might enjoy.
Then again other shops my be glad of you, the world does have nice people in it.
All I can suggest is the 5 year rule. Looking back on this whole thing in 5 years what do you think you will feel?
You have my admiration
Croix
